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Then & Now: Catherine Mary Stewart

04.19.2013by: Salacious Crumb

Time: the indefinite continued progress of existence and events in the past, present, and future regarded as a whole. Throughout the course of this column's history, we've seen some things. There have been times where we've studied a famed actress's greatest achievements in hotness, only to find out they've taken a turn to Uggo Town and never looked back. Other times, we'll examine the more forgetable roles of a no-name actress, and discover the hotness that was in them all along. And then there are times when we run into an actress who was hot all along, and whose disappearance from the spotlight couldn't be explained by Ron Serling himself. There's no telling what's in store for this week's "Then & Now" hottie (unless you scroll down to the bottom real fast, cheater). This hottie's outcome is a about as unpredictable as her career, spanning from cheesy '80's sic-fi hits like NIGHT OF THE COMET and THE LAST STARFIGHTER, to adult-themed comedies like WEEKEND AT BERNIES and MISCHIEF. Let's take a look back at the righteously nostalgic cinematic adventures of Catherine Mary Stewart.

Canadian hottie Catherine Mary Stewart was first recommended to be by our very own Cherry Liquor, then again by MOVIE FAN CENTRAL user DaForce, and again by morix. Now I've finally gotten my head out of my ass long enough to put it together, and man, does this girl fit the bill perfectly for a "Then & Now" column! First of all, in case you haven't noticed, she was an incredibly sexy specimen. That right there grants Catherine her own column. On top of that, though, she also took some very unique roles back when she was starting up. It's hard not to consider her one of those classic '80's movie hotties, especially when she made big hair and shoulder pads look so damn good.

Let's rewind a bit; Catherine was born in Edmonton, Alberta. She moved to London in her late teens to study dance, acting and singing. This is where she was discovered, and landed her first role as "Bibi" in the THE APPLE. The science-fiction rock opera was chosen to open the Montreal World Film Festival, and has since garnered a cult following. In fact, it was screened twice at the Lincoln Center in New York City, due to popular demand.

I probably would've demanded a second viewing, too.

With a possible acting career on the horizon, Catherine moved out to Los Angeles in 1981, where she signed a contract to play Kayla Brady on "Days of Our Lives". After playing a small part in the Sylvester Stallone thriller NIGHTHAWKS, and a "surfer girl" in THE BEACH GIRLS, Catherine landed a role in the highly-anticipated (and highly f*cking insane) THE LAST STARFIGHTER (1984). 

THE LAST STARFIGHTER follows the story of Alex Rogan (played by Lance Guest), a teenaged trailer park handyman who spends every waking moment playing the same stand-up arcade video-game, The Last Starfighter. Little does he know the game was programmed and designed by an alien named Centauri (Robert Preston) for the purpose of finding the best player, who will eventually save the lives of many disgusting space-creatures. You see, the Starfighter game is based on an actual conflict between the Rylan Star League and the Ko-Dan Empire; the latter is led by Xur (Norman Snow), a traitor to whom the Ko-Dan Emperor has promised control of Rylos itself. Following? Anyway, Centauri offers to take Alex for a ride in his shnazzy-looking vehicle, which is actually a spaceship. Well, actually, it's pretty much Doc Brown's flying time-machine. Seriously, check out this comparison and tell me Robert Zemeckis doesn't owe someone a big fat check. (As a matter of fact, the STARFIGHTER spaceship can actually be scene as a prop in the background of BACK TO THE FUTURE II, which came out a whole 5 years later).

This has been a random bikini shot moment.

What I love about THE LAST STARFIGHTER is that it was made using minimal CG effects (which was the new big thing at the time, thanks to TRON), while at other times resorting to more practical effects, which are awesome in their own way. There's far too much utter insanity in this film for me to explain here. I didn't even tell you about how Centauri leaves a creepy-ass android named Beta to take Alex's place at the trailer park while he's gone. This is where Catherine Mary Stewart's character Maggie comes in. Much of the movie revolves around her trying to figure out why her boyfriend's become a mindless horndog, skipping the rational explanation that she's just really hot. By the way, if you thought Catherine was a looker in the movie, you should see how they drew her in the comic book...

After the big summer release of THE LAST STARFIGHTER, it wasn't long before Catherine Mary Stewart made us butter our popcorn in yet another film of the sci-fi genre. Only months later, Catherine played Regina "Reggie" Belmont, the arcade game-addicted comic book nerd trapped in a supermodel's body, in the zombie-apocolypse flick NIGHT OF THE COMET (1984).

While STARFIGHTER and NIGHT OF THE COMET both have protagonists who are obsessed with reaching the high-score on an arcade game, that's about the only thing they have in common. COMET is a must-see if you're into low-budget, cheesy '80's movies that somehow manage to be great. Basically it starts off with almost everyone in the world stepping outside to witness the resurfacing of the comet that allegedly killed the dinosaurs (because we're all idiot human beings). "Reggie" misses the event while she's getting laid in a movie theater projection room. She returns home to find out that the only other person left in town is her younger sister, Samantha (played by Kelli Maroney). In fact, I already gave a highly detailed look at NIGHT OF THE COMET in Kelly Maroney's "Then & Now" column, so feel free to check that out. Or you can check out more of Catherine Mary Stewart's hotness...

NIGHT OF THE COMET and STARFIGHTER made 1984 a great year for exposing the hotness that is/was Catherine Mary Stewart, but it wasn't until the next year that her sexuality was properly utilized. MISCHIEF (1985) is one of the best movies I've come across when reviewing the films of "Then & Now" ladies. It's basically an '80's teen sex-comedy set in the '50's, which for some weird reason, makes for a very entertaining watch (especially when we get to see Kelly Preston topless). Catherine played Bunny Miller, a pretty girl who's caught the eye of greaser Gene Harbrough (Chris Nash), but is dating the school's obnoxious high school bully. It's a very fun film with plenty of sex, F-bombs and popular tunes from the '50's era to get you through the hour and 45 minute runtime.

Catherine maintained a steady career throughout the remainder of the decade. Her next film was DUDES (1987), a comedy starring Jon Cryer that revolved around the "punk" generation. Believe it or not, that same year she starred in another sci-fi film set in space (this time with a horrific twist), entitled NIGHTFLYERS, based on the anthology by author George R. R. Martin. She also partook in WORLD GONE WILD (1988) and RIDING THE EDGE (1989), as well as several made-for-TV movies including MURDER BY THE BOOK (1987), PASSION AND PARADISE (1989). After all that, what kinda crazy role was Catherine Mary Stewart going to take on next? One where she's being fought over by two dudes who pretend to be rich while carrying around a dead guy? Oh, yeah....

WEEKEND AT BERNIE'S (1989) will probably be remembered by movie fans forever, simply for having a dispicably grotesque plot and somehow still being a feel-good movie. If you were born yesterday (in which case you shouldn't be visiting MovieHotties, so shame on you), WEEKEND AT BERNIE'S stars Andrew McCarthy and Jonathan Silverman as insurance company employees who have discovered their boss is dead, and they believe it's their fault. Thinking a hired hitman won't kill them if Bernie's around, they put some sunglasses on him and pretend he's alive (tried that with my great uncle once; didn't work). Of course, hanging out in Bernie's Hampton Island beach house and seeing all the ridiculous tail lingering around leads them to prolonging this horribly disgusting idea. This is why you need a hottie like Gwen Saunders (Stewart) to shove some sense into them. And the fellas do in fact wind up dropping the act and doing the right thing in the end… until that stupid sequel came along.

Catherine Mary Stewart continued to act in the '90's, but mostly in productions you've probably never heard of. Productions like THE PSYCHIC (1992), CAFE ROMEO (1992), SAMURAI COWBOY (1994) and NUMBER ONE FAN (1995). Strange. I thought up until the point BERNIE'S rolled around, Catherine was only getting hotter. So what happened? Was it drugs? Weight-gain? Horrendous lip-injections? Baldness? Tooth-loss? Leprosy? Well, why don't I just shut the f*ck up and show you??...

Well, it looks like you don't need voodoo magic to get a rise out of Bernie's lifeless corpse. Just get modern-day Catherine Mary Stewart to whisper something dirty into his ear. That'll do the trick! I don't think it's difficult to discern which of the 3 types of "Then & Now" hotties Catherine turned out to be. Luckily, she appears to be healthy, and happy, which is a great thing. She can still wipe out the entire planet with her smile...

Sure, it's a little unfortunate that the '80's were the peak of Catherine's career, but at the same time, that's kinda what makes her cool. Besides, she's still been showing her face in all sorts of TV-movies, and has also appeared in films like LOVE N' DANCING (2009), RISING STARS (2010) and AMERIQUA (2012). The important thing is that she's still acting. Catherine was quoted saying "Acting is very personal. I don't want to be like anybody else. There are positions I would like to be in--like Meryl Streep's, for instance." Well, I think she's achieved her goal as far as being unlike anyone else. Since WEEKEND AT BERNIE'S, Catherine has gone on to star in 37 (and counting) films, and she's known for being a maximum sweetheart to her fans, who love her right back. Here she is at an convention with her LAST STARFIGHTER co-star Lance Guest...

No, really. That's him.

In her 30-year run as an actress, Catherine Mary Stewart has appeared in more than 50 different productions, from film to television to theater, in England, Canada and the US. She's been married to producer Richard Allerton since 1992, and has since had 2 children, Hanna Mary Allerton and Connor McKay Allerton. With an extensive filmography and an admirabley close relationship with her fans, there's no reason we shouldn't all be bowing down to a statue of Catherine right now, let alone consider her a full-fledged movie hottie. Her big ol' wavey hair and flashy smile will remain cherished for many years to come. Thanks again to Cherry Liquor and fellow schmoes DaForce and morix for the suggestion! And congratulations on a very gnarly, radical, and totally tubular life, Catherine Mary Stewart!

Extra Tidbit: Her birthday is on April 22nd. Happy birthday, Catherine!


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