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Sofia Vergara confirms her breasts are the real deal

03.19.2013by: Salacious Crumb

Not that we were really all concerned to begin with, but Sofia Vergara has busted out with a statement in Vogue regarding her stupendous breasts, saying they're free from all unnatural elements, including silicone and saline. "I mean, a normal girl will just put the dress on and leave. I need them to be like an armory. My dresses are like a work of art inside because, you know, I am 40 years old, I had a baby, and I am a 32F boob." she explained. "And they are real still. When they are fake, you take the bra off and they are still there, perfect! Me—no, so I have to bring them up! I have to build the dresses up to here so that the bras—ach, it’s a whole, der—ugh—tchah!”  Interesting choice of words, Sofia. Honestly, I never doubted their authenticity for a second. No surgeon has the power it takes to whip up something as epic as Vergara's mounds of madness. Those things are the work of divine intervention...

Sofia learned a long time ago that her boobs would become less of a burden and more of a blessing. Prepare for the most awesome hottie quote ever... "When I was 13, I got these ridiculous boobs. I wanted surgery. I told my mom, 'As soon as I'm older, please take these boobs away.' She said, 'Sofía, shut up. When you're 18, it will be different.' I was like, 'Why would I want these huge tits? I'm a 34DD.' It's hard to dress. No matter what I wear, I look like a stripper. That said, I'm grateful I have them, and honestly, they've helped me a lot in my career. And I've always felt sexy."

Sofia stood her ground when a former publicist suggested she get a breast reduction, and she declined. It's a good thing she fired that guy, because aside from being a delightful human being with good comedic timing, that astounding boobage is what got Sofia where she is. Even today, she continues to get gigs where her chest-pillows are clearly emphasized one way or another. She'll be wearing that metallic brazier that lifts, separates, and aims fire in MACHETE KILLS. Hell, even Diet Pepsi has been subtly using Sofia's rack to sell their product. Don't believe me? Then tell me, what exactly is holding the "new skinny can" steady in these magazine adverts?


Extra Tidbit: Was there ever a doubt in your mind?


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