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Sexy TwitPics: The Hotties of Black Sails

03.22.2016by: No Cool Handle

BLACK SAILS season 3 is coming to a close this Sunday. So, I thought I'd use this bittersweet occasion to cover a trio of television's most ungovernable hotties. I find the lack of promotional material featuring the three female leads a little curious (bet you thought I'd say disturbing). To my knowledge the show does have a loyal following (myself included), but, is either not watched or underappreciated by the majority of premium television viewers. Even on Rotten Tomatoes, this most excellent season's aggregate is comprised of a mere three critics. Da F**k? Fuller House has up to 40 reviews. See if you can lay eyes on these birds and figure that one out. Also, what accounts for these low numbers? Even if you add them all together -- Hannah New: 7k followers on Instagram, 21k followers on Twitter; Jessica Parker Kennedy: 43k on Twitter, 18k on Instagram; Clara Paget: 15k follows on Twitter, 66k on Instagram -- the total sum is a questionably low figure.

It's a riddle, indeed. Here we have a group of sexy, talented, young beauties who are totally cool with exploitation, and yet, obscure, spandex clad nutritionists and health gurus are dominating over them on every popular social media platform. Part of the problem is [that] they hardly post piles of provocative selfies – something the producers of the show should find a legal way to encourage. No, many – but not all – of these photos are pretty vanilla. Not that people won't enjoy absorbing their loveliness, but they may not have you cocking back your Flintlock's either. For that, you have to watch the series. All three of them have engaged in some form of same-sex lovemaking with one and other in a soft-core-porn kind of way you can only see on networks like Starz; scenes made hotter because they're woven into hours of violent pirate action, backstabbing and compulsively engaging melodrama.

With such a diverse threesome of hotties – Eleanor Guthrie (Hannah New), the babe with the sexy British mouth (see Keira Knightley and Daisy Ridley to give you an idea of what I'm talking about) who somehow managed to out-manipulate every thieving bastard in Nassau; Max (Jessica Parker Kennedy), the bisexual, exotic madam whose manipulation skills are only bested by Eleanor Guthrie; And Anne Bonny (Clara Paget), the pirate lass who has no problem swashbuckling alongside the boys when she's not riding Jack Rackham's main mast. It's all highley enjoyable, making my lingering fear [that] BLACK SAILS may go the way of HANNIBAL all the more potent -- an awesome show with a limited built-in audience, cut short because it lacks in the widely recognized department. If this triple batch of estrogen isn't enough to solidify a 6 season run (all the way to Treasure Island, baby), I don't know what is.


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