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Marry/Date/Friend: Kaley Cuoco vs Katy Perry vs Taylor Swift

08.24.2016by: Cherry Liquor

Congratulations! The enthusiasm with which you showed our first Marry/Date/Friend feature has just earned you a shot at categorizing some of the hottest female celebrities out there once more! In our premier post, featuring Emma Stone, Jennifer Lawrence and Margot Robbie, the vast majority of you wanted to put a ring on Harley Quinn, with the rest of you going back and forth over whether to date or befriend either JLaw or Emma. Not terribly surprising, although I honestly thought most of you would want to lock down Stone.

This week, how about we make it just a little bit harder by featuring 3 ladies who seem to have perpetual relationship problems. A lesser of the 3 sexy evils, perhaps? Let's go!

Marry: Your forever gal, for better or worse.

Date: Your temporary gal, to have fun with but eventually walk away from.

Friend: Your best buddy gal, with whom you have all the laughs but none of the "benefits."

Kaley Cuoco

Pros:

Financial stability - Back in 2014, after 6 seasons of the most successful sitcom since "Friends," Cuoco and cast wrangled themselves contracts at $1 million per episode, which means your love would bring home a minimum of $22 MILLION before any other projects.

Humanitarian - Kaley not only dedicates her time to Stand Up For Pits, a charity dedicated to rescuing and rehabilitating the much aligned breed, she participates in several other animal rescue projects and adopts shelter dogs herself. Not to mention her time over the years with other charities, including her long-running appearances with the Big Bang cast at A Night at Sardi's, which supports Alzheimer's charities.

Fitness - This woman works out hard, frequenting yoga classes more often than she uses the restroom. The results are an investment on the eyes.

Cons:

Narcissistic - One could argue that all that time spent on her body, her nails, her hobbies could indicate that Kaley doesn't have a whole lot of spare time for her sweetheart.

TMI Victim - The main leaks from Cuoco during 2014's The Fappening included videos of her on the toilet. The pictures she willingly shared included post-sinus operation pictures. And then there are all of the vague references to her failed relationships, so if you don't please her, you'll probably be put on blast.

Hypocritical - While she has an amazing body that she works hard for, she also bought herself a pair of boobs rather than working with what she had. While she supports adopting and rescuing dogs, she also is a horseback riding enthusiast who doesn't seem to notice when her horse is sweating and straining in the heat while she supports her hobby.

OUR CHOICE: MARRY

 While she might be a bit of a handful, Kaley also comes off as the most down-to-Earth of these three women, who is willing to share her wealth with her love so long as they cooperate with whatever she wants to do. It would be easy to put aside our reservations and stand by her side in exchange for never having to eat Ramen again, as well as share the bed of someone funny, fit and sexy.

Taylor Swift

Pros:

Financial stability - Taylor Swift's current net worth is $200 million. TWO HUNDRED MILLION. Nearly a quarter of a BILLION dollars. And she's only getting started.

Hot Friends - While you wouldn't necessarily be the cheating type, I can't really see a single thing wrong with having a dinner party that included eye candy from Karlie Kloss to Selena Gomez to the entire revolving cast of Victoria's Secret models. If anything, think of all those friends you'd have willing to do anything for you if you'd only set them up with one of TayTay's squad mates.

Good Hearted - Swifty is well known for her graciousness when it comes to fans, sending them personalized gifts and taking pictures with them. She's also the gal who foots the bill to get all of her friends together on yachts, weekend getaways and the like.

Cons:

Goody-Goody - Some have argued that Taylor's giving nature is to make up for the fact that she doesn't have a strong personality of her own, with some going so far as to label her as insincere or a phony.

Girl Fights - While Swift might have a squad full of long-legged glamazons as friends, there's also a fairly long list of other women (and guys) who can't stand her, leaving her frequently in the middle of highly publicized cat fights that might shine a light on her treacherous underbelly.

Post Break-up Blues - All of those songs about shitty guys doing shitty things to Little Miss Precious speaks volumes.

OUR CHOICE: DATE

Tom Hiddleston must be enjoying his paycheck right about now, and I'm not referring to the one he's earning reprising Loki in THOR: RAGNAROK. Swift notoriously is available when she wants the paparazzi to snap her pic and not when she's not going to get anything out of it. So while you might never get to share space in her bed, all of that exposure to fine women and expensive dinners might be worth the temporary paycheck and occasional ass-kissing for the benefits of the gossip rags. Plus, once you "break up," you'll get your own song!

Katy Perry

Pros:

That Body - Seriously. That body. I don't even care that some people say she has a dumpy ass. Katy has that long-romanticized "woman's" body that dreams are made of.

Financial Stability - Taylor Swift might be fighting with Katy for more reasons than backup dancers. Katy is slowing but surely closing in on Swift with an estimated $125 million net worth and only more opportunities to exploit fragrance, fashion, acting and other ventures.

Sense of Humour - With so many pop stars trying to preserve a carefully manufactured persona, Katy seems to be the most willing to make fun of herself, with busty cameos on "Saturday Night Live," amongst others. Her sense of humour might be honed to specific crap, but it's still pretty funny.

Cons:

Romantic History - While it's unfair to think of a woman as being "ruined" just because she had other dudes in her past, when you tally up that Perry's exes include Russell Brand and John Mayer, one might want to second guess dipping a toe into that pond.

High Maintenance - At the cusp of her blowing up, Katy was famously miscast in the lineup of Vans Warped Tour in 2008, where she demanded to be carried on a lawn chair from the stage to her dressing room. Add that to all the hair, nails, makeup, fashion prep time she needs when scheduled for a simple photo op and you might fall asleep waiting for her to have any time for you.

Religious Upbringing - Katy has often presented an interesting paradox of a sexy woman who wants to kiss girls and show off her big tits but still claim allegiance to Jesus because she was raised by a preacher. All of the guilt, all of the time!

OUR CHOICE: FRIEND

Perry is really good to her friends, far moreso than she has been to current and past lovers, which bodes well if you want a loyal gal with a pocketbook big enough to treat you whenever you need the assist. While it might be a bummer to never indulge in that heavenly body, the supposition that she's not as freaky between the sheets as she would like people to believe she is still stands. It's also a good likelihood that as a friend, you might see her naked more frequently when she needs a dress strapped on than if you were the one hoping to take it off.

Now, let's hear your choices!

Source: IMDB

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