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Marry/Date/Friend: Jessica Alba vs Kate Beckinsale vs Scarlett Johansson

09.21.2016by: Cherry Liquor

Out of everything from last week, there was but two things evident: while you all had arguments for marrying, dating or friending Anna Kendrick, Alexandra Daddario and Alison Brie, most of you were not for dating Anna or friending Alexandra. Daddario was the strongest contender for a dating partner and Anna was the strongest as a marriage partner but everyone was splits on Brie, with nearly equal votes for each of the three options. I guess we all know what we like and what we really, really like, I suppose. (I still wanna put a ring on Anna because she's a little bundle of amazing.)

Moving on to this week, I'm tackling the top three most popular women over the course of the last 8 years that I've been working on the MovieHotties team. They've been up, they've been down but the love has always been strong for each of these A-lister women. It's going to be a hard choice this week... or is it?

Marry: Your forever gal, for better or worse.

Date: Your temporary gal, to have fun with but eventually walk away from.

Friend: Your best buddy gal, with whom you have all the laughs but none of the "benefits."

Kate Beckinsale

Pros:

Aging gracefully - Kate is easily one of the most beautiful women out there but the fact that she's only gotten more lovely, more fit and more eternally fabulous as she's gotten older is exceptional. I don't think I would have turned by head for 1995 Kate.

Fitness - Kate has one of those drop dead sexy bodies, everything in perfect proportion, without having that "tries too hard" look that many women into their forties start to get. No ropy muscles from over-Pilates-ing, no crepe-y skin around the knees or elbow joints, no massive surgeries to dramatically change her physique. Beckinsale just looks like a healthy woman who takes proper care of herself.

Loyal - While her marriage to director Len Wiseman might have fizzled after 12 years of marriage, she made it 12 years without any scandals or public dramatics. Kate has also taken his side when it comes to the critics, lending her talents to help bolster his, what any ideal partner would do.

Cons:

Plastic Surgery - While Beckinsale looks amazing and has the air of someone who doesn't try too hard, I have the sneaking suspicion it's because she pays top dollar for the best, most subtle plastic surgery out there and just happens to have gotten some natural results. Remember, go look back at those 1990's images of Kate and ask yourself how much is just better hair, makeup and styling and how much is artificial gained through medical procedures.

Clingy/Needy - Now that's she's starting to go out with friends and mildly refer to the impending divorce from Wiseman, we are getting a fuller picture of just how much she leaned on her man, especially when she admitted that she had to be aggressively persuaded to go out and be social. While some of you might like that, others might feel smothered, even by one of the world's most beautiful actresses.

Career Choices - Let's face it, while attending a red carpet premiere of a big Hollywood movie can have its allure, how excited would you be by the time you're posing for pictures at the release of UNDERWORLD XXIII?

OUR CHOICE: MARRY

 I consider myself both a super easy and kinda complicated person to be in a relationship with. All I really want is someone with a strong work ethic who doesn't blow ALL their money on Pop Vinyls or comic books who can manage to keep their loins in check. I don't need fancy displays of affection, but it's nice to have a hand to hold. Every event that I saw Kate at with her soon-to-be former husband, she was smiling and by his side and now I know all she really wanted was to be cozy with him on the couch at home. I can dig that big time. The fact that she's easy to look at only makes that stay at home option even more appealing.

Scarlett Johansson

Pros:

Beauty, Brawn, Boobs - Scarlett Johansson is really the whole package. I wish I could add that she's brainy here as well but from what I've gathered over the years, it's been an ongoing process getting her intelligence in check (remember when she was boasting about emailing Obama, etc, and came off as a loopy lunatic?). Scarlett has both upscale glamourous beauty and casual, no-makeup, easy beauty with a body that can get you up in more ways than one.

Financial Stability - ScarJo's net worth stands at about $80 million right now. Couple that with the fact that she's one of the few actresses out of Hollywood who can carry a movie on her name alone (you really think anyone else could have brought LUCY over $100 mil at the box office?), so she's going to be employed for a really long time. And she's fairly conservative when it comes to spending, not employing multiple body guards for outings or driving around in expensive cars, etc.

Star-Powered Friendships - I can't lie; The main reason why it's appealing to be with Scarlett is because it would mean hanging with the rest of the Marvel stars and just about anyone else I could ever want to meet out of Hollywood. If you're with her, no one would be out of your reach.

Cons:

Romantic History - While it's kinda sexy to think that Ryan Reynolds had tapped that before you, also pause to consider that so did Sean Penn. This isn't a slut-shaming remark (ScarJo has always been a monogamous girl and I applaud and respect that she's kept whatever dirty laundry she might have in a hamper where no one can see it) but rather recognition of reality.

Workaholic - You don't get to have an $80 million net worth without putting the work in. Which means that she's going to be everywhere working and you're just going to be working around her schedule to see her.

Politically Active - Quite frankly, while some might see this as a Pro rather than a Con, I'm pretty f*cking sick of having anything to do with American politics right now. And while some might argue that ScarJo splitting her time between New York and Paris might cut back on her political involvement, consider that France is even more politically charged than here in the States, so it's lose-lose if you want to just live your life without arguments or rough dinner conversations.

OUR CHOICE: DATE

I haven't been following her relationship with Romain Dauriac, so I don't know how happy either of them are, other than having had a daughter together, but I imagine that being married to one of the most beautiful, well-known and lusted after women in the world has its strains. I do know that it was too hard for the other dudes before him. I also know that Scarlett is just too damn fetching to friend zone, so sharing time with her on a temporary basis would be too hard to pass up.

Jessica Alba

Pros:

Fitness - She might not have those adorable chipmunk cheeks she did back when "Dark Angel" got us tuned in to the power of the Alba, but after having had a couple of kids and eking out a high profile career, Jessica easily has one of the most impressive bodies in the business. And she frequently puts it in a bikini for you to admire, which is a great bonus.

Financial Stability - Because of the nearly $2 billion net worth of The Honest Company, estimates have Jessica Alba pegged at a net worth of around $350 million and growing. You know, nearly double what Taylor Swift takes a bath in.

Loyalty - Again, I'm big on loyalty. Alba has been married to her baby daddy, Cash Warren, since 2008. While she had a brief but public relationship with Derek Jeter, Jess had only had one other serious relationship before him, to "Dark Angel" co-star Michael Weatherly, whom she admitted she lost her virginity to when she was 19-years old.

Cons:

Conservative - Some have called her prudish, some have had worse ways to describe the way that Alba comes off uptight about nudity or other aspects of her sexuality. I would argue that she's clearly comfortable with her body, just not with everyone having an all-access pass to it. Then there was that one time when leaked photos of Alba's breasts & baby bump went around... and her fortune paid to (mostly) squash them, so I guess a semi-indecent pic or two might make it into your text messages.

Career Choices - I'm going to be kind and label this as a problem with picking the right roles and not go in depth about the quality of Alba's acting. While she's certainly not the ripest tomato in the garden when it comes to believable acting, she's definitely not the worst either. However, supporting some of the shit she's been in would be teeth-grinding for a few of us.

Financial Dominance - While I wouldn't mind being a kept significant other, I can imagine that for some of you, having to admit that she's in charge of 95% of the earnings in the relationship might be emasculating.

OUR CHOICE: FRIEND

While I think that Jessica Alba is a beautiful woman with a lifetime of hotness in front of her (if there were a time machine to take us 40 years in the future, one of the first things I'd check is if she could still slay in a string bikini), she's just a little too tightly wound for my tastes. I like people with goofy personalities, quirks that are barely tolerable at times but make them unpredictable and fun. I doubt that Jessica is more than what you see, even though that's not a bad thing. It's just a boring one, in a relationship. As a friend, all of those tropical vacations, fancy birthday gifts and special treatment by the public at large sound incredible.

Now, let's hear your choices!

Source: IMDB

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