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Marry/Date/Friend: Jane Levy vs Karen Gillan vs Maika Monroe

02.22.2017by: Cherry Liquor

It feels like forever since we broached the subject of turning bad actresses into marriage, dating and friend zone material. 2 weeks later and no one is any warmer on the match-up from the last Marry/Date/Friend, with responses all over the board regarding Megan Fox, January Jones and Paula Patton. More of you were keen on putting a ring on Paula but it was a mixed bag when it came to the rest. I don't want to be the one making the call to Fox's camp to explain why she might want to take more acting classes and not lean back too heavily on the sex symbol thing. (And citing a Fox sitcom as steady work when you can't book anything else doesn't really count.)

This week features one of my most anticipated new horror movies, written and directed by Jordan Peele, best known for being a funnyman. GET OUT looks creepy AF in its trailers, not to mention original. Here are three actresses from recent original horror flicks that I rank high on my creeptastic scale.

Marry: Your forever gal, for better or worse.

Date: Your temporary gal, to have fun with but eventually walk away from.

Friend: Your best buddy gal, with whom you have all the laughs but none of the "benefits."

Jane Levy

Pros:

Sarcasm Heavyweight - Whether she's refusing to pretend she's some saucy sex pot in photoshoots (there were relatively few for me to peruse for this column), giving cheeky answers in interviews or giving paps the stink-eye when they sneak pictures of her on set, there's a bite to Levy that I severely enjoy.

Low-Key - Levy managed to get married to another actor (who even cares who that dude is?) and then file for divorce before many people figured out. She's rarely in the public eye unless doing publicity for a movie release and in general comes off as a $3 million net worth homebody that you can get cozy with.

Chameleon - We've seen Jane tackle a rough chick from the projects (remember, she was the first Mandy on Shameless), a sassy teenager all of us outcasts can relate to, a possessed drug addict willing to cause personal bodily harm, a burglar who gets in way over her head - Jane might look like a sweet chick but her fierceness with taking on roles secretly translates into an off-screen partner who would never get boring.

Cons:

Up-And-Coming - Sadly, as awesome of an actress as we've seen her be, Jane still has a bit of a ways to go before she can hang her hat on that A-lister rack. She also looks like she could easily walk away from Hollywood and still be employable in some other field, so it's not too off putting.

Petite - I'm not exactly a giant myself (I'm 5'4") but Jane is barely over 5'1" and built like a woodland fairy. Vulnerability like that might be a plus for you other hulks, though.

Reserved - That low-key personality can also come off as being closed off, making it hard to have solid back-and-forths that make a relationship interesting. No drama is great for some and boring for others.

OUR CHOICE: MARRY

 Honestly, I f*cking LOVE Jane Levy. She's like Emma Stone without the highs & lows, capable of being bright & shiny and alternatively dark & gritty. She's low-maintenance, low-profile and low-drama while still having brains & talent, which is vastly appealing to me in the long run. I would kill to be married to this woman.

Maika Monroe

Pros:

SoCal Surfer Girl - This might just be a plus for me, as someone who also grew up in Southern California riding waves and surfing concrete but who knows, perhaps some of you dig it too. Prior to catching the acting bug, Maika was a kite surfer/boarder, enjoying the salty spray of a life lived outdoor casual.

Horror Lover - It made sense that Monroe was so compelling in IT FOLLOWS, what with her own love of movie skewing toward the dark & disturbing.

Mellow - Again, this ties into being a SoCal native with one foot in the ocean - we tend to be mellow with our approach to life. Her social media accounts aren't all selfies & cappuccino pics, they're more like that one friend we all have who posts randomly to let you know they're still alive.

Cons:

Hectic Schedule - It should be noted that Maika is still kiteboarding. While she's picked up a lot of attention for her deliberate acting style, she's still balancing Hollywood with the ocean, which means that a relationship with you will be low on her list of priorities.

Hot Commodity - Maika has 7 projects up for release in 2017 alone, which means that everyone wants a piece of her. Which means less time for you and whatever time you were hoping to spend with her.

Taylor Lautner - There's no shame in having embarrassing exes... right? While it's never been officially confirmed that they were a thing, the two were seen together a few times in 2013... shortly after she reportedly was hooking up with Zac Efron. Stiff competition for those who don't feel like they can compete.

OUR CHOICE: DATE

She's strong, independent and possesses that laid back, go-with-the-flow personality that makes life relaxing. For those who want drama, they can hit the waves and try to keep up with her.

Karen Gillan

Pros:

All-Star Connections - Not only is the OCULUS star a Dr. Who vet, she's also a part of the best corner of the Marvel galaxy as Nebula in GUARDIANS OF THE GALAXY. Top that off with some JUMAJI remake action and you're bound to be at some of the bombest after parties Hollywood has to offer.

Natural Redhead - Love them redheads. It's a stereotype, suggesting that redheaded people are feistier but it's one that I've discovered to ring true.

Ballsy - This is the woman who attended San Diego Comic Con in a wig and whipped it off to reveal that she'd shaved her head for the role of Nebula. Only a handful of actresses have had the balls to go for it 100% and there's a level of commitment there that speaks to Gillan's character.

Cons:

Conservative - While she might have taken some saucy pics when she was getting her foot firmly in the industry, Gillan seems to be all buttoned up when photographed in her personal time. Nothing wrong with being a little reserved, just makes me wonder where else in her life she's uptight.

Tall - While 5'10" isn't as tall as some women, setting Gillan more in the supermodel height range than the Amazonian one, it's still rather daunting if you're the kind of person who wants to be the more dominant body in the relationship.

Only Child - This is a weird one but let's start considering what we've learned about people who grew up only children - they're both bossy, demanding and self-centered while also being needy. The only upside is that they're independent as well, which is great for those who don't want an attached-at-the-hip partner and equally as bad as the other traits if you're hoping for a romantic who will lavish attention on you.

OUR CHOICE: FRIEND

Honestly, I really love Karen Gillan. That Scottish accent, her robust grasp on her life and what she wants to do in it, all of that stuff makes for the bestest of best friends. It's also what makes you understand having that friend who is always crying why they can't make a relationship work. Great friend, difficult long-term partner.

Now, let's hear your choices!

Source: IMDB

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