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Marry/Date/Friend: Elizabeth Banks vs Lauren Graham vs Zooey Deschanel

12.14.2016by: Cherry Liquor

The only thing going through my mind right now, as I sit here reviewing your choices of the superheroines I featured last week is Drax laughing at the end of the latest GUARDIANS OF THE GALAXY trailer. Because you the majority of you laughed at the idea of being married or committed to Zoe Saldana, preferring her as the friend choice. For the few who agreed with me about Gal Gadot being marriage material, far more flipped and said she was dateable while Melissa Benoist was your true blue alien seeks green card wife.

I'm not going to get in another Marry/Date/Friend before Christmas, so now is as good a time as any to check out the top 3 babes who have graced the holiday themed movies in the past few years. Will they be naughty or nice on your lists?

Marry: Your forever gal, for better or worse.

Date: Your temporary gal, to have fun with but eventually walk away from.

Friend: Your best buddy gal, with whom you have all the laughs but none of the "benefits."

Elizabeth Banks

Pros:

Funny as F*ck - The fact that Banks managed to turn a minor role in THE 40-YEAR OLD VIRGIN into a career as a huge player in Hollywood is testament to her ability to make the funny as good (and at times far better) than the boys. And I love funny.

Kinky Kinda Mind - It isn't just that she's a funny lady, it's that Lizzie comes off as one of those women who doesn't take the wrong things too seriously and knows exactly where to put her foot down when she means business. It all adds up to someone whose tongue is firmly in cheek and whose sense of self is a bit demented, just like I like.

Financially Successful - With a net worth of over $16 million and the power to command large budgets simply by having her name attached to a project (admit it - she's one of the main reasons why you're willing to get excited for the new POWER RANGERS movie, as well as how that film got the bankroll that it did) is powerfully sexy.

Cons:

Workaholic - Being a big name means a big amount of time is spent away from home. Which means that you'll be spending that money but not spending time with her.

Always "On" - I don't find this to be too big of a distraction, given that I highly doubt Banks is the same overly animated person off screen and while not in televised interviews, but for some, that might be too grating to handle.

Apatow's Orbit - Personally, I love the stuff that Judd Apatow and his lovely wife Leslie Mann bring to the screen, as well as how they bring out the best in some actors who don't do as well when not being roped in. But I also respect that there are people who hate their Frat Pack mentality/humour.

OUR CHOICE: MARRY

 This one was a no-brainer for me. In fact, the majority of the Cons are still Pros in my book (I like being left alone, so long as the person I'm with isn't some shifty layabout). I can't imagine there being a wife much better than the one you'd get with Elizabeth.

Lauren Graham

Pros:

Quick Wit - With her first memoir, Graham is going with the title I'm Talking As Fast As I Can, a testament to her reputation for slinging out lines faster than, well, um, really really fast stuff. I like someone who can whip out a funny comment or roll with the punches.

Financially Secure - Graham is banking a $15 million net worth right now, from her ongoing residuals from the various popular TV shows she's been on (and revisiting, thus continuing that cycle of earned income), as well as her book deals. All of which totals up to a cush gig as a kept partner.

That Aura of Sexy - I don't know what it is about Graham, but boy does she exude a level of sexy that defies the rather low-key photoshoots and acting gigs she's picked up (other than, "F*ck me, Santa!" of course). I get the impression that she's the whipped cream on top of the sexy cake when alone.

Cons:

That Fast Mouth - Yes, Lauren got her reputation and fame for being a fast talker. I could handle it (my friend Alison is someone who talks so fast, she actually skips over words and I can still understand her) but I know a lot of people it would drive bonkers.

Weight Fluctuation - I'm not sure what's going on with her face in the recent Gilmore Girls reunion episodes now airing on NetFlix but it seems to happen off and on, meaning that you'll be at the mercy of her fluctuating moods as she has to lose weight for roles, etc.

Slowing Career Trajectory - As the years have gone by, it's great that Lauren started making money through her writing ventures (she's authored a fiction novel as well as her memoir) because it seems as if her acting career is on the downward spiral heading toward celebrity game show appearances.

OUR CHOICE: DATE

I really like Lauren Graham, I just don't like her as much as Elizabeth Banks. I could spend a healthy chunk of my time with someone who is smart, funny and loves to eat good food but those little quirks might grow too tiresome, too fast.

Zooey Deschanel

Pros:

Quirky, Youthful Beauty - Zooey Deschanel really hasn't aged much in the past 20 years. She's gotten more robust after having a baby, but for the most part, what you're looking at is going to most likely look pretty much the same in another 10 years, with eventual aging being on par with that same excellence.

Financially Responsible - Forget the fact that Zooey has a $16 million net worth - after her divorce papers were leaked, we discovered that she's not a heavy spender and doesn't have any credit card debt. That's a big bonus if you want to live well for a number of years.

The Company She Keeps - People in Hollywood seem to really love working with Deschanel, even if she doesn't pick up as many new projects as she used to. From Joseph Gordon Levitt to Megan Fox and a number of wildly interesting people in between, you'll never be bored with her co-worker stories.

Cons:

About That Quirkiness... - I was a huge Zooey fan at the very start of her career, when she was scrabbling for those character roles as the best friend of the A-lister. In many cases, she was often one of the only things that made a shitty project better (FAILURE TO LAUNCH, most notably) but in later years, all of that adorkable shit has really started grating on my nerves. I can't be the only one who feels that way.

Indie Darling Trappings - Just as much as it would be great to hang out with some of the bigger names that Zooey knows, it seems as if her personal inner circle is made up mainly of those fringe personalities who don't know when it's time to leave. And that she wouldn't encourage them to. And that you'd have to make nice. Yuck.

Legal Battles - Zooey might seem quiet and low-key but apparently she's gotten herself into a number of different legal battles surrounding the talent agency she used to belong to. Not that that should bother you, I suppose, as it comes with the territory as a celebrity, but there you go.

OUR CHOICE: FRIEND

Being a satellite friend of Zooey is about the best that I could see myself personally being able to manage, as she doesn't seem like the kind of gal I could relax and be myself with, either in marriage or in bed. I'm not saying she's a bad lady, she's just not from the clique I would have associated with.

Now, let's hear your choices!

Source: IMDB

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