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Marry/Date/Friend: Demi Lovato vs Selena Gomez vs Victoria Justice

11.02.2016by: Cherry Liquor

The last time we played this game, it was a hard choice between the redheads in question. Obviously all of them are outstanding women with traits you'd want to keep by your side for an extended time but it seems as if the majority of you agree with me that Amy Adams is marriage material (followed closely by the choice to wed Chastain), with the majority dating vote going to Jessica Chastain (Adams & Howard tied there) and friendship was mainly for Bryce Dallas Howard (by the way - how awesome was she in that first episode of season 3 of Black Mirror). The only thing for certain? None of you were about to friendzone Chastain.

I've seen a lot of buzz around Salma Hayek this week, after her spread in GQ Mexico was released. Clearly, there really is no equal for her (although I will attempt to touch on that in the future, so give me some suggestions) so I thought we could look at 3 of the most popular Latinas under 30 for this week.

Marry: Your forever gal, for better or worse.

Date: Your temporary gal, to have fun with but eventually walk away from.

Friend: Your best buddy gal, with whom you have all the laughs but none of the "benefits."

Selena Gomez


Youthful - Out of all 3 ladies here, Selena is the eldest, believe it or not. Most people who aren't fans have complained about her baby face but when she looks 30 when she's 50, I'm sure no one will be whining then.

Loyal - While I can't exactly compliment her on her choice of suitors, Selena really hasn't had many high profile ones other than one and she stuck with him through a lot of bullshit that other women would have bailed on. Choosing your battles can be tough but it's even tougher to stay strong through the slings and arrows.

Versatile & Wealthy - Gomez's net worth sits at around $45 million right now, which is a great start, especially when you factor in her ability to vacillate between acting, singing and other entrepreneurial ventures. Because of those talents, she's going to be able to build on her wealth and keep it growing.


Poor Health - If you're the kind of guy who gets off on a chick having health issues, this might not be a con for you. But because of her ongoing battle with Lupus, we've seen Selena struggle to keep up with the hectic pace of her success.

Shitty Exes Who Will Never Go Away - Justin Bieber. I don't really need to go into detail on this one for you to understand.

Fragile - Aside from being physically ill, Gomez has shown that she often struggles with the blinding glare of her fame, needing time off to recharge and come back a stronger women. This means that she has an insulated circle of dedicated family and friends, all of whom might interfere with your relationship with her.


 I really like Selena Gomez. She's sweet, she's beautiful, she has a great voice (both for talking and singing) and she's a tough cookie who likes to squirrel away when she's crumbling, all the better for having a strong connection to. If you can shake off the Bieber bullshit, Gomez is definitely the winner for the long game.

Demi Lovato


Thick but Fit - I don't know what it is about most of the high profile celebrity women out there, even with those who profess to be these strong fitness junkies. None of them seem, well, DURABLE to me. Lovato has one of those bodies that would blow up if she wasn't taking care of it, but she clearly is working hard at what she's got and is tougher and more, well, DURABLE (nudge nudge, wink wink) than 95% of her counterparts.

Finally Stable - At $30 million, Lovato has a healthy net worth that has infinite potential for growth, so long as she keeps her temper in check

That Famous Latina Temperament - She's smacked around former backup dancers, gotten into social media pissing matches with other celebs, not been shy about hiding her displeasure at events or with people she's uncomfortable with and generally has never tried to be a bashful, fake little sweet flower of a woman, all of which can been extremely sexy, if you're into that kind of thing.


Emotionally Unstable - I'm not talking about the general Latina fieriness here but Lovato's documented history with self-harm, including cutting, eating disorders and (purportedly) cocaine abuse. It's a day-by-day battle for those in this realm and you've gotta be strong to stick by it.

Overrated Talent - I love to look at her but frankly, I think Demi's singing voice is shit and her acting ability is hokey at best.

That Famous Latina Temperament - For every one person who's turned on by it, there is another who is turned cold. Living with a hot-tempered woman means hot sexy, interesting conversations, nights where your blood will boil and the potential for harm if you catch her the wrong way.


I don't think I'm alone in thinking that a fling (even as long as that 5 year one she just finished with Fez) with Lovato would be a never-ending source of enjoyment on so many levels.

Victoria Justice


Up-and-Comer - I can't lie, I went right to the cons and wrote them first, but if she gets any traction from that gawdawful Fox Live ROCKY HORROR PICTURE SHOW, then we can get away with the rising star label.

Really, Really, Ridiculously Good Looking - Justice has that polished, perfect, no blemishes, are-you-sure-she's-real-and-not-a-replicant? kind of beauty that seems nearly unnatural.

Hot Little Sister - While Victoria is really, really, really, ridiculously good looking and all, her younger half-sister, Madison Reed, is equally as hot with a few metaphorical nicks & scrapes that make her infinitely more interesting to look at, so being around Vicky means being around Maddie, which is a huge plus.


Phony Prude - There's something so off about Victoria Justice whenever I see her in an interview, coupled with the fact that it's nearly impossible to find photoshoot images of her that aren't kid-friendly and overly posed. This woman is more straight-laced, boring and prudish than Taylor Swift that she makes Tay-Tay look like a forgotten member of Lady Marmalade, circa 2001. Big time uncomfortable snooze-fest, honestly.

Piss or Get Off the Pot - We recently had a post containing a few outtakes from her Kode magazine spread that are attempting to be more sexy but they're from a session that's about a year old. Justice hasn't been on Nickelodeon since 2013 and her show Eye Candy, among all of her post-Victorious acting roles have proved that, well, she can't act. You know what actresses in their mid-20s who can't act do? They start showing some skin or do something daring. Otherwise, sign up to be on a celebrity game show and be done with it already.

Untalented - Oh, have I mentioned that she really can't act? And that her singing is about on par with the standard set of any other singer scrabbling for a foothold in the pop music industry? Being (a manufactured, stylized, walking Photoshop) kind of pretty is great but eh...


I really don't care for Victoria Justice. I don't even know if I would want to be her friend, if I'm being 100%. While Taylor Swift is equally as controlled in her public persona, at least she has a quarter of a billion dollars behind her manufactured nonsense to make me sit up and pretend that she's interesting. I'm sure Victoria will find some nice middle-of-the-road cop drama on CBS to pay her bills for 12-20 years or so and we'll all exclaim how she's still hot when she's 45, but romantically, she's a dud in my book.

Now, let's hear your choices!

Source: IMDB


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