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Marry/Date/Friend: Michelle Pfeiffer vs Monica Bellucci vs Sandra Bullock

08.23.2017by: Cherry Liquor

I know I picked some actresses last week who aren't as on top of the grid as some of the past M/D/F picks but I stand by Tatiana Maslany needing some more exposure. You apparently agree with me that she's worthy, deeming her the marriage material of the three. Holland Roden is the date choice and poor Jenna Dewan still gets friend zoned.

This week the kids are going back to school and there's nothing of particular note opening at the box office in anticipation of everyone being too worn out to bother with a new release. So I've gathered a few of our longest lasting hottie cornerstones for you to revisit and categorize.

Marry: Your forever gal, for better or worse.

Date: Your temporary gal, to have fun with but eventually walk away from.

Friend: Your best buddy gal, with whom you have all the laughs but none of the "benefits."

Michelle Pfeiffer

Pros:

Ageless - While clearly she's aged since GREASE 2 was made, the rate at which Michelle puts on years seems to be the reverse of what dogs go through - for every 7 years that pass, she ages only 1.

Demure Classiness - Clearly Michelle is a human being who has gone through some emotional stuff, she just doesn't lay it all out there like so many others do, keeping her private life private, a big plus in this oversharing world.

Loyal - Pfeiffer has been married to David E Kelley since 1993, practically unheard of in Hollywood. She also has chosen to pick roles that didn't interfere with her being a mother to their 2 children. She could have booked everything and rules all of Tinseltown and instead she remained faithful to her personal life, which I wholly admire.

Cons:

A bit stringy - I will never forget a friend of mine referring to the slender look of some women as "stringy" (which a heavy dramatic pronunciation of the word). While it's not always 100% accurate, it's the first thing that comes to mind with some of the more petitely built ladies in acting.

That White Gold - Ever since Bruno Mars exalted the pure hotness of Pfeiffer in the song "Uptown Funk," if you're like me, this is going to get stuck in your head about her, even if it doesn't necessarily directly apply.

Cult of Personality - In a more recent interview, Michelle explained that when she first came to California, she got wrapped up in a cult that she was giving all her money to and that acting is what broke her out. Still have to wonder how easily influenced she is, though.

OUR CHOICE: MARRY

 Michelle is exactly the kind of woman that you'd want to spend a long time with - she's serene and centered for an actress, looks like a million bucks without looking like she spent a billion to get there and in general is the kind of woman you could easily feel comfortable with on the red carpet or back home in the breakfast nook.

Monica Bellucci

Pros:

That Body - While clearly there's going to be some sagging and drooping that we're not going to see since she's given up a lot of the fleshier photoshoots she used to do, Monica still has one of the curviest, sexiest bodies in movies.

That Accent - Most of you probably use a heavy Super Mario, pizza making chef tone when you attempt an Italian accent, I think we all know that when it's natural, the sensual sound of an Italian woman speaking is pure underwear evaporation.

Matrix and Beyond - Bellucci has managed to make movies with all of the most sought after people, meaning that being with her means being around the best there is to offer, from Neo to Bond.

Cons:

Smoker - Like many Europeans, Monica is a heavy longtime smoker. The "sexy" aspect of which has long since dwindled away and left you with stained teeth, bad breath and a reeking wardrobe.

That Body - Again, while it's been considered one of the best around, age doesn't stop and Italians don't always take to Pilates to keep what's beginning to sag tight. I can't imagine being around a woman who has to suffer so many hours in Spanx at an awards show.

Only Child Mentality - While married to Vincent Cassel, Bellucci admitted that they typically live apart "to avoid routine." It all adds into that Only Child mentality where she's going to have a hard time making compromises and allowing anyone else in her life to get their way.

OUR CHOICE: DATE

I couldn't friend zone Monica Bellucci because if you had a chance to climb into bed with her, would you pass it up? However, she's clearly not great at the marriage thing, even if she claims she wants to be, which makes her all that much better for a temporary, no definition kind of relationship.

Sandra Bullock

Pros:

Iceberg Aging - While Sandy clearly has aged over the years, it's been in a way that has only emphasized how great her genetics are because she's still amazing looking without a bunch of plastic surgery or wackadoo eating programs.

Independent - When married life didn't work out for her and longterm relationships went nowhere (remember, she dated Ryan Gosling when he was a youngin'), Bullock didn't slow down, adopting kids and making her life work the way she wanted it to, which is intoxicating admirable.

A-Lister Supreme - Because of all the hard work she's done in the industry over the years, Sandra can afford to not have to book a bunch of roles in order to have a fat bank account.

Cons:

Dominant & Bossy - I've heard rumours that Bullock can be hard to work with off screen - meaning she's pushy with the people she has in her personal life. Again, it's a rumour, but it makes sense, seeing as how she maintains a level of privacy around her that must take a gargantuan amount of control.

Single Mom - Because Sandra adopted her children later in life, her kids are still very young and take up the majority of her free time, which means less for anyone else. Not necessarily a bad thing unless you're needy and want to spend extra time with her.

That Whole Jesse James Thing - I like that Bullock has always followed the beat of her own drummer and made it work for her but the thought of being anything but friends with someone who used to share a bed with that gross POS is cringe inducing.

OUR CHOICE: FRIEND

I actually think that Sandra Bullock would make a great friend - she's loyal and protective, funny and non-Hollywood when the lights are turned on her. I don't think she'd be anything more than a friend for myself, but I can also see how others would still lust after her.

Now, let's hear your choices!

Source: IMDB

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