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Marry/Date/Friend: Kristen Bell vs Mila Kunis vs Summer Glau

03.22.2017by: Cherry Liquor

I think I might have made a mistake, pairing up one sorta unlikable babe with a couple others who generate passing interest despite their many positive attributes. I turned out to be the only one who thought that Christina Milian was wife material while the rest of you preferred her as a girlfriend type and wanted Christina Aguilera to be your bride instead. Ariana Grande wasn't as unpopular with you as she is with me, with many of you thinking that she's at the very least dateable.

Coming out this weekend at the box office is the sure-to-be bomb CHIPS, which looks filled with the sophomoric humour that teens love but many of whose parents weren't even old enough to watch the original TV show it's based on, competing with POWER RANGERS, which has a better chance of pulling the nostalgia dollars. So here are three women we grew up with on TV who are all sweet as the dickens. But which one will most motivate your D?

Marry: Your forever gal, for better or worse.

Date: Your temporary gal, to have fun with but eventually walk away from.

Friend: Your best buddy gal, with whom you have all the laughs but none of the "benefits."

Kristen Bell


Sense of Humour - From the time we first met her as the plucky high school private dick to her time as a happily married lady posting goofy images with hubby Dax Shepard on social media, Kristen has always managed to tickle funny bones while stimulating blood flow south of the border. That delicate balance is hard to achieve but she mastered it.

Loyal - Can you think of a time when Kristen wasn't with Dax? Or even if she had someone serious in her life before him? Or any ugly tabloid stories swirling around her personal life? This woman puts in the work to make her life look as awesome as it is. Sometimes a patient collaborator is the best partner in crime.

Multi-faceted - Bell has the looks of a model, cashing in photoshoot after photoshoot not just because she's promoting something, as some actresses do but because she's that photogenic & fun. She can do comedy (watch her as Mary Poppins!), drama, musicals, movies, TV, all of it. I doubt she's ever NOT interesting.


Short stature - Bell is only 5'1". Which is just terrible, isn't it?

Emotional Outbursts - Remember that time Kristen had a complete meltdown over her sloth birthday present? That's awful. Not adorable in the slightest. Not even one eensy bit.

Zero Down Time - Can you imagine being married to someone who bounces back from two back-to-back pregnancies and ends up looking even better than before she had any kids? Who would be able to compete with that? The pressure!


 Pffft. DUH. Of course Kristen Bell is #goals. She's the woman your woman wants to be and would love to trade you in for. She's spunky, funny, smart, honest & real. Bell is pretty much the living embodiment of a perfect female of the human species.

Summer Glau


Firefly Fo Lyf! - While we're never going to revisit the geek cornerstone that is Joss' space western adventure, no matter how hard we try to Tweet it to death, it sure would be awesome to hang out with that crew for every convention from now until death. (Except for Adam, whom we could trade in for Henry Rollins. Oh, you haven't watched Con Man? And you call yourself a fan...)

Sense of Humour - Glau seems to not only recognize that she's geek bait, she's also wholeheartedly embraced it, showing up to conventions and panels, taking pictures with fans that don't look like she's trying to crawl out of her skin or make rent, and generally making fun of where she came from in a respectable way.

Low-Key - While you'll see her heaps when she's promoting a new project or getting out there for the cons, for the most part Summer isn't seen on the radar in between, which means that life would be fairly "normal" with her.


Former Ballerina - I don't think it's bad to be a dancer, but ballerinas are skinnier on the whole and tend to have minimal diets, etc. I like pizza. And beer. And pizza with beer. And pizza flavored beer. And enjoying those things with people who also enjoy them. And chicks who have less than 7% body fat who claim they love those things and eat them all the time are liars. And I don't like liars.

Limited Range - She's great at playing the skinny tough chick, or being in a Whedon production, but when Glau steps off the reservation with other people, shit like KNIGHTS OF BADASSDOM happens. As great as that movie was in theory, the final project was a heaping pile of yuck.

Swimming in the Geek - For those of you who don't like conventions and especially don't like them if it means a cornucopia of weird mouth breathers hovering over your woman for hours on end, Summer's connections to that corner of the universe might suck.


She's beautiful, she's fit, she can get you invited to a dinner over at Joss Whedon's house. Or Nathan Fillion's. Or - *big dreamy sigh* - Alan Tudyk's. Summer might not be a forever girl, but she sure is awesome girlfriend material.

Mila Kunis


Gamer Girl - Mila has admitted that when she has down time from her acting duties, she's usually got a headset on, arguing with 12-year olds in Kansas over Xbox Live. Or something like that, whatever you gamers call it these days. I actually don't see this as a positive but I know a lot of you who will.

Tough Chick - Kunis has had an ongoing issue with her eyes, having had injections directly into her eye when she was a kid and then in 2011 going blind in one eye, requiring surgery to remove a cataract. I have morning where I struggle to get my contacts in. She's on a whole other level.

Talented - I have found myself impressed over and over again by Kunis' ability to transition between comedy and drama but more importantly, her handling of comedy deserves even more respect. It's an intensely hard genre to master and Mila can go from sophomoric to dark without breaking a sweat.


That Voice - One of the reasons why I think I've found it harder to believe her in dramas is that high pitched voice. While it sometimes grates when she's really reaming someone on That 70's Show, imagine if you got into a fight with her on a personal level. Or if she was nagging you about doing the dishes, etc. No thanks.

A-lister Crap Roles - Because she's considered to be a box office draw, I've seen Kunis get pulled into movies that are far too stupid and Sandlerish (Jamesish?) to be worth the effort of supporting her through the promotion. You get less attention for the indies but I think the respect is better.

Grumpy Gus - I get it. Being chased down by the paps sucks. I try my best to not go after posts where you can tell the privacy of a celeb was being invaded. But there are a lot of times where I've seen that pinched, angry, bitch face going on from Mila that I have to wonder if she's also slow to let go of those emotions once behind closed doors.


I think Mila Kunis is a cool chick. Someone who would be a blast to hang out with and not have to worry about watching my language or accidentally spilling my beer. I won't go so far as to say she'd be a nightmare in a relationship but she strikes me as the independent type who wouldn't necessarily be awesome at being in a duo.

Now, let's hear your choices!

Source: IMDB


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