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Marry/Date/Friend: Hayden Panettiere vs Kate Hudson vs Sophia Bush

11.29.2017by: Cherry Liquor

Last trip down the Marry/Date/Friend aisle we had to decide between Emilia Clarke, Amber Heard and Katharine McPhee. You all but agreed with my picks (marry Emilia, Date Kat and Friend Amber) but decided that Heard was still worth the short term bopping and Kat was the long term platonic-tango partner. I don't know how y'all could pass up McPhee's booty that easily. For reals.

I would love to say that I had some special theme that made me bring this edition's group together but really, it's just three beautiful faces I haven't featured yet. They also fall into the generic age range that most dudes 40+ years old request on dating sites (nothing above 40's), from 28 to 38 respectively. A few miles never hurt no one.

Marry: Your forever gal, for better or worse.

Date: Your temporary gal, to have fun with but eventually walk away from.

Friend: Your best buddy gal, with whom you have all the laughs but none of the "benefits."

Hayden Panettiere

Pros:

Pocket Sized - I don't know what it is about some dudes, in particular the ones well over 6 feet tall, and their thing for teeny tiny women. At 5' and with a 6'6" husband, you can see it in action in Panettiere's real life. So I guess that's a major plus for you blokes.

Strong TV Likability - Movie stars make more money but television stars book more roles, for a more steady income. Hayden has tried her hand at the big screen with only fair results, but the ol' boob tube is where she flourishes and keeps the lights on.

That Sweet Smile - My favorite attribute of Panties' would be that glowing smile she gives, even in times of duress. It shows that she's a tough cookie who chooses to look on the bright side, which is a plus in this otherwise dismal world.

Cons:

Baby Blues - After Hayden gave birth to her daughter, she checked into treatment for depression. This could be a sign of something she'll deal with lifelong but it's also a bit of a good thing, since she saw she needed help and actually got it (and didn't try to lie about it to the media either).

Prissy - I have met a number of people who have interacted with Hayden at conventions and heard that she's not the nicest or friendliest panel member. Take that for what you will. (Hell, I'd get tired of being all Save the Cheerleader Save the World-ed all day long too.)

Below Average Talent - I have never been particularly sold on anything Panettiere has done as an actress, which means that her opportunities might dry up once she can no longer hold court on her looks or youth alone.

OUR CHOICE: MARRY

 While I wouldn't brag to mom that I was marrying an Oscar winner, I wouldn't have any problems with making a life with Hayden. She seems funny enough, doesn't try to pull punches on representing herself and should be gainfully employed enough to allow me to be the stay-at-home parent. Sign me up!

Sophia Bush

Pros:

That Body - Bush usually takes on a casual hippie look when she's pictured out and about but she manages to show off her sensual physique for magazine spreads and red carpets. Sophia is athletic yet womanly, soft yet toned. It's all perfect.

That Voice - Call me a sucker for a woman who sounds like a smoker who's just getting over a bout of pneumonia. Bush is always so breathy, so raspy, it always sounds like she just broke free from some epic makeup session for a gulp of air. That shit is sexy.

Naturally Beautiful - Sophia has shown her face with a ton of makeup and not a stitch and it all looks good on her. She's easily one of the most beautiful women in her industry, without trying too hard to pull it off.

Cons:

Cause Head - I love a politically passionate hippie as much as the next person (no, really) but I had to unfollow her on Twitter because I just couldn't keep up with her endless feeds about environmentally friendly footwear and fair trade foods and not boinking pigs on the island of Quilalea. I can only imagine (although I don't want to) what it would be like to listen to her in person over brunch. Although she's not a vegan, so there's hope.

Barely Made It - Bush has been solidly on TV for a number of years now and has appeared in a few movies but it always strangely seems as if she's famous for... what? That celebrity that everyone forgets is a celeb.

Bad First Marriage - Back in the mid 2000's, Bush impulsively married one of her co-stars, only to get divorced less than a year later. Since then, she's bounced around in a couple of serious relationships but doesn't seem keen on settling down, which might mean more baggage than you might want to carry.

OUR CHOICE: DATE

Sophia is gorgeous, sexy and worth the squeeze in the short-term. The constant causes would drive me crazy if I put an indefinite time frame on it, though.

Kate Hudson

Pros:

Hollywood Offspring Royalty - While her biological dad is a piece of shit, her step-dad is one cool cat and her mama has some stories I would love spending time listening to.

Funny AF - Say what you will about the romantic comedy premises of her movies, Hudson knows how to sell a scene on her divine charm alone. Back before we could piece together she was Goldie's girl, she was hilarious in that mess of a movie, 200 CIGARETTES.

Fit AF - Hudson goes hard when it comes to things she excels at. She's the most bankable rom-com actress who has a body you could bounce a quarter off of, even after a couple of kids. And while her mama's face sure went South real face, Hawn is still a pretty physically fit specimen in her old age as well.

Cons:

Smoker - She tries to hide it, what with all of her working out and junk, but Hudson has been a regular smoker for years. While it hasn't hit her looks yet, it'll catch up eventually. Plus, kissing that is total yuck.

Speaking of those Rom-Coms - As bad as it might seem, it's actually been a number of years since we've seen Kate in one of those tired stories (she was a group player in 2011's SOMETHING BORROWED, but last lead a rom-com in 2008's MY BEST FRIEND'S GIRL, which hardly counts as a comedy). Believe it or not, 2018 will mark the 15th Anniversary of HOW TO LOSE A GUY IN 10 DAYS. Get ready for those throwback showings at your local theaters, fellas.

Art Imitates Life - Kate's serious off-screen relationships have been with boys in the band, making you wonder if she's a groupie like her character Penny Lane. Brush up on your guitar skills or move along.

OUR CHOICE: FRIEND

All things said and done, if I was more attracted to Kate Hudson, I'd rank her marriage material. But I'm not and she's cool AF to go with her other AFs, making her probably one of the best friends you could find in Tinsel Town.

Now, let's hear your choices!

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