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Marry/Date/Friend: Ariana Grande vs Christina Aguilera vs Christina Milian

03.08.2017by: Cherry Liquor

Last time we were at the crossroads of horror hotties and our degree of love for them, I found out that more of you were obsessed with Karen Gillan than I originally suspected. It was a split decision between her and my personal favorite, Jane Levy, when it came to picking out the marriage material. Don't feel bad for Maika Monroe though, as she was decidedly the favorite for dating, with only one person wanting to make it a legal thing with her. When it comes to any of them, you really can't go wrong.

This week lets take a look at 3 different women on three different tiers of pop star status. Do you like big and bodacious with or without talent? Or is talented but personality challenged more your thing? Let's find out!

Marry: Your forever gal, for better or worse.

Date: Your temporary gal, to have fun with but eventually walk away from.

Friend: Your best buddy gal, with whom you have all the laughs but none of the "benefits."

Christina Milian


Bodacious Build - I've looked at pictures of Christina taken before and after she became a mommy and yes, I can tell that she's had one of those 'mommy makeovers' where plastic surgeons come in and lift and tuck shit but for the most part, what's there is real. You can tell by the way her boobs aren't perfectly round and centered but rather soft and occasionally lopsided when squeezed into her tighter outfits. Her whole body is an invitation to cuddle up.

Fun personality - I've watched a few of the silly scenes from her reality show moments and I can say that I dig Christina's goofiness. She doesn't seem to take herself too seriously and while she can look like a diva once all dressed up, she certainly doesn't act like one.

Diverse Career Opportunities - Milian has had her toes in singing, acting, being a reality personality and running a clothing store, so she's always on the move, meaning that she's going to be far less demanding than other divas.


Immature - While I enjoy her boisterous personality, I can imagine that those sort of immature shenanigans will get old and obnoxious if you're not in the mood for them and she doesn't appear to be the type to take a hint and curb that shit when you're not feeling it.

Relationship History - When a woman's dating history includes Lil Wayne and Wilmer Valderrama, you might want to err on the side of caution when it comes to doubling down on the latex.

Always "On" - It's hard to be around someone who constantly is searching to obtain the highest degree of attention from the maximum sized audience. That kind of commitment can be exhausting.


 There has to be a reason why no one has bothered to really settle down with Christina Milian (her ex-husband, The Dream, claims that her family's interference was to blame for their split) but I still think that this pop tart is worth the squeeze.

Christina Aguilera


Those Connections - While she might pop in and out of the public eye depending on her mood or her fear of judgment about her fluctuating weight, the fact is most celebrity people respect Xtina and her amazing talent. The opportunity to rub elbows with that laundry list is very appealing indeed.

Appetite for Life - While she was never a diva on the scale of say, Jennifer Lopez or Mariah Carey, Chrissy certainly knows how to appreciate the good stuff. It means you'll eat the best food, never feel guilty about tipping back too many because she'll probably out-pace you and the sex, well, the SEX.

Net-Worth - She's not in Taylor Swift's neighborhood but Aguilera has been making bank since she was a teenager and sits with a comfortable $130 million net worth. I know I'm not the only person who would want to be a kept man/woman.


Fluctuating Weight - With a number of celebrity women, I find them to be more comely when they have a few extra pounds on them. Overly skinny is not appealing to me. But Xtina manages to take it to extremes and living with someone who is constantly on a diet that they don't want to be on can be taxing.

Self Centered - This part of the diva mentality definitely applies to Aguilera. You can tell that she's not going to allow you to be in a room with her and put your own needs first. It's going to be her-her-her all the time and I'm just not that giving.

A Bit Dippy - It's not that Christina is stupid; she clearly has a mind for the business she work in. No, what bugs me is that she's one of those people who talks as if they want to be taken seriously and thinks they sound like a genius when they speak but really is a bit of a dodo and you find yourself closed-mouth smiling and nodding your head while they blather on.


The money and the allure of crazy sex have Christina Aguilera firmly in the dating category for me. Then again, it might have something to do with how I feel about the third lady here.

Ariana Grande


Beautiful - Before I learned more about what Ariana Grande is like when she thinks the cameras aren't rolling, I considered her to be a very beautiful girl. Hell, she still is, but it's tainted with the knowledge that that beauty is lacking on the inside.

Rich Girl - She's worth $25 million on her own but she didn't need to go out and start earning. Grande is the daughter of a CEO for a huge graphics company, meaning she was born with that silver spoon in her doughnut hating mouth.

Talented - I might not like her music but the fact that she can sing is hard to overlook. Too bad she had to go for the pop star bullshit instead of finding someone who could help her make better music, even if it was less profitable.


Richy Bitchy - Who the hell hates doughnuts? I can see hating Americans because we do some stupid shit that is worthy of outright despicablity but only the rich girls with tainted tastebuds can't understand the beauty of fried batter coated in diabetes coating. Come on!

Undeserved Diva Attitude - I'm guessing that Ariana acts like a self-righteous little shit because she grew up rich and is used to having her every whims catered to but in the celebrity world, you have to prove that you're worth that nonsense and frankly, the girl hasn't put in enough time or effort to support her bullshit.

Petite - While she's beautiful and generally considered to be a hottie, Ariana is barely 5 feet tall, has no tits and no ass, no muscle definition to her arms or legs and reminds me of a junior high school aged girl, essentially not womanly at all.


I don't want to be friends with Ariana Grande. I don't need to be on someone's sycophant list. I'm turned off by her attitude and am wondering now why I bothered to put her in this thing to begin with, other than there might be some of you who think she's still tasty regardless of everything else.

Now, let's hear your choices!

Source: IMDB


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