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12.16.2013by: Droz

Top 10 Celebrity Train Wrecks of 2013

It was a banner year for celebrities making asses out of themselves or just outright crashing and burning. It's a phenomenon we will surely see more of in years to come as attention spans steadily shrink and more and more spectacle is required of celebs just to keep people's interest. With such an insane life, occasionally a few celebs just snap. Some find endless riches in being dumbasses. Others seem determined to parlay their slow, agonizing fall from grace into a sort of morbid career move. It's the circus of celebrity in the 21st century.

Now check out our list of all the ingrained, inane and insane things celebs got up to in 2013. Do your best not to write off the human race entirely.

#10 - Reese Witherspoon

Reese Witherspoon's drunken shouting match with the cops arresting her and her husband for DUI might not have necessarily been a career killer, but it certainly made her one of the bigger idiots for a time in celebrity circles. Hey, many of us have done some stupid stuff when under the influence. Few have the nerve to go from drunken felonies directly into rants on how fame gives them immunity from prosecution. She later apologized, as many misbehaving celebs often do. Still, one wonders if such moments are merely intoxicated delusion, or hidden thoughts and feelings briefly let loose.

#9 - Alec Baldwin

Infamous hot head Alec Baldwin and his prolonged battles with the paparazzi started out somewhat comically this year as he wrestled with paps trying to snap pics of his preggo wife. The funny quickly ran out though when his antics degenerated into gay slurs and self destruction, which caused him to lose his sedate talk show as well as some respect from his peers and the public at large. You'd think he would have realized by now that his explosive outbursts are exactly the reason he's being hounded by paps. If he just stayed cool, it wouldn't be such a problem.

#8 - Amanda Bynes

There was much weirdness circulating around Amanda Bynes in 2012. That continued this year, with plenty of head-shaking moments circulating social networks and the various media outlets. At first it seemed the drugs were getting the best of her, but what we later learned of was a deeper mental instability behind her strange behavior. Soon she was hospitalized and legally separated from both her money and responsibility for her own person. Once bright and beautiful, now unstable and disheveled, Amanda's 2013 was a sad, sometimes frightening statement on how mental instability can so effectively destroy lives.

#7 - Chris Brown

Speaking of unstable. Is there anything more cliched and annoying that the thuggish pop star who can't keep his hands to himself? Made a virtual public menace by his violent assault against his girlfriend Rihanna a few years back, Brown's promises of reform became just as ridiculous as the behavior that betrayed them in 2013. Fighting outside of clubs, fighting with fellow pop stars, fighting with fans, Brown certainly lived up to his notorious reputation this year. Now legally reprimanded to a rehab center for his anger issues, Brown spent much of 2013 proving that fame, fortune and millions of fans are no match for assholes determined to be themselves.

#6 - Tila Tequila

Fearing she had been all but forgotten by most folks, Tila Tequila decided a great way to reinvigorate her so-called fame in 2013 was to show some love for the tinfoil hat crowd as well as genocidal regimes. Thus her numerous social media rants where she shifts from advocations for Nazism and proclamations over Hitler's unfair demonization, to warnings over global domination from lizard people, impending interstellar wars and her own Egyptian goddess heritage. Who would have ever thought we'd be longing for the days when Tila was just a notorious slut on reality shows?

#5 - Farrah Abraham

There were a few notorious names this year doing their best to make public opinion on forced sterilizations a little more favorable. Farrah Abraham was one of them. Originally earning her fame for being a teenager who got knocked up on TV, that fame obviously lost its staying power once she hit her 20s. In need of a new reason to be infamous for irresponsible acts and clearly not concerned with the future mental trauma her illegitimate child will suffer by her actions, Farrah decided to swap premature parenthood as a teen mom for mass media buggery as The Backdoor Mom. It was an obvious progression of behavior, if not a totally pathetic one.

#4 - Kim & Kanye

I don't think anyone was under the impression that a union between notorious attention hounds Kanye West and Kim Kardashian would somehow settle them down. Quite the contrary. Now joined forces in a mutual desire for media domination, their antics have been the epitome of manufactured and over-the-top from day one. Starting with her well publicised knocking up by West before she'd even completed her divorce from her last husband and proceeding into their million dollar engagement event, the future promises even more absurdity from these two. No doubt their upcoming wedding will be a giant media circus, to be outstripped only by the tabloid insanity sure to follow in the wake of their inevitable break up.

#3 - Lindsay Lohan

Last year's winner of the most explosive celebrity train wreck, Lindsay Lohan, saw her prolonged decline slowed by court orders and the limits of human endurance. Sentenced once again to rehab that proved mostly ineffectual as usual, she continued to be a pain in the ass to everything from courts to club owners in 2013. She's since decided to finish off yet another year of stupidity by sueing Rockstar games, makers of the popular Grand Theft Auto games, for allegedly using her image for their game. As this Tweet suggests, she may be right.

#2 - Miley Cyrus

What to say about Miley Cyrus? I suppose it could be argued that her reinvention this year as a unabashed sex pot was anything but a train wreck. After all, her literal tongue-wagging and twerking exploits sold millions of albums and made her the subject of constant coverage in social media and even the nightly news. However, she managed all this by effectively trashing the positive public image she spent years building as Hanna Montana and later under her own name. In that process, Miley has become just another slutified singer, one amidst a crowd glutted with similar personalities. The shock value of such an extreme dichotomy might have helped move a few more albums into iTunes check out bins, but the novelty is wearing out fast. Don't be surprised if her follow-up exploits fail to do as well and her time in the spotlight gradually diminishes in years to come.

#1 - Justin Bieber

If there was one celebrity who just needed to go away in 2013, it was Justin Bieber. Hardly a week went by this year when he wasn't doing something to piss everyone off and make himself look like a spoiled, wannabe hardass brat in dire need of a good spanking and a trip to his room without supper. Once rightfully celebrated as a young talent who made his way to fame in a novel way, Bieber has since made the same mistake as so many misguided celebs before him, namely believing his own hype. The result of this is an entitled, self indulgent asshole who roams the world doing as he pleases with little if any repercussions. He has become an example of the very worst the celebrity world has to offer.



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