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05.20.2015by: Cherry Liquor

The Top Ten Sexiest Ghost Story Ladies

When I was a little kid, the original POLTERGEIST freaked me the f*ck out. I was a simple kid, not really exposed to much horror outside of whatever Elvira was mocking. Ghost stories don't hold the weight with me now that I'm over the age of 7, but I can understand their appeal to the female demographic - there's usually a strong female lead, spooky but not gory action and a good looking guy or two. I know the new POLTERGEIST only interests me because Sam Rockwell is in it. Other than that, I'd have to go to these spectral lovin' ladies for my kicks.

#10 - Sarah Michelle Gellar (THE GRUDGE)

I can't figure out if the reason why so many chicks like THE GRUDGE is because it's a tame horror film made more palatable for American audiences once most of its intelligence was removed from its original Korean version or because after so many years, we're all still in love with Buffy. Either way, if this tepid remake hadn't had Sarah Michelle in it, well... it would have still sucked but been a lot less pleasant to watch.

#9 - Nicole Kidman (THE OTHERS)

The one thing that Nicole Kidman has never lost over the years of her transformation from easy Australian beauty to mutant plastic surgery denier is her ability to grab you with those huge eyes of hers. When she looks scared, you feel scared, that's how powerful they are. The Botox in her head is starting to affect the overall effect but with THE OTHERS it was still so solidly there, those eyes sold an otherwise unwatchable film.

#8 - Maria Bello (THE DARK)

Many people hate this movie because it can't seem to decide what it wants to be. Starting off as a "Boo!" startler, the film actually takes some interesting psychological turns as it moves into its second half. It's imperfect and overall not that great but between Bello as the mother and Sean Bean (who really can't fail, even when he fails) as the father, it's worth checking out if only for the talent.

#7 - Shannyn Sossamon (ONE MISSED CALL)

The world doesn't have nearly enough Shannyn Sossamon in it. We're getting a taste of her on "Wayward Pines" and we could indulge in some even lower budgeted sequel to SINISTER but it just ain't what it used to be. I might have fallen just as much for Shannyn as I did for Heath in A KNIGHT'S TALE, so I've followed her a bit longer than most. ONE MISSED CALL is a horrible, shitty, shitty film but dammit, it's got my favorite AwesomeSossamon in it.

#6 - Paula Patton (MIRRORS)

There are two ghostly movies over the years that I have highly valued and because I can't put Kevin Bacon from STIR OF ECHOS on here because this list couldn't handle all his sexy, I'm picking Paula Patton from MIRRORS instead. I don't know why this tame terror flick affected me as much as it did, but Paula in that wet tank top might have had a thing or two to do with it.

#5 - Catherine Zeta-Jones (THE HAUNTING)

This is a terrible f*cking movie made popular during the late 1990's when all it seemed to take to scare people was a little Owen Wilson comedic one-liners. It was also about the last time that Catherine Zeta-Jones was fully, unadulteratedly hot. Pre-marriage, pre-kids, pre-diva breakdown. She was the best part of an otherwise completely lackluster ghost story. (And I really love Neeson & Taylor!)

#4 - Maika Monroe (IT FOLLOWS)

I kinda fell in love with Maika Monroe when I watched IT FOLLOWS, even if I was mildly dissatisfied with the movie. Monroe has an old-school magnetism to her that grips you and the movie needed those huge doe eyes of hers, whether she was gazing affectionately at her new beau or frantically scoping the scenery for impeding doom. Many might tell me that this isn't a ghost movie but Maika sure sold that haunted look.

#3 - Katie Featherston (PARANORMAL ACTIVITY)

I didn't get the creep factor of this film. Then again, I was dizzy and bewildered at the success of THE BLAIR WITCH PROJECT (other than that insane viral ad hook that ensnared us in a way that will never happen again with all this technological advancement). But they don't get too much better in low budget screaming dames than Katie. Sexy, believable and well, does there need to be more?

#2 - Katie Holmes (THE GIFT)

When I first watched THE GIFT, I was 110% certain that they'd performed some top notch visual effects with body doubles and lighting and, and, and... there's no way I'm seeing Joey from "Dawson's Creek" with her shirt off! Holy shit those boobs are amazing! Outside of Katie's awesome tits the film still packs a whallop with its star-studded cast and crafty directing by Sam Raimi, making it one of those movies I'll still check out yearly.

#1 - Naomi Watts (THE RING)

Yeah, there haven't been any of the original Korean movie hotties listed here because frankly, I haven't watched all of the supposedly superior original versions. All I know is, if I've got to watch a lady make some wildly stupid decisions and visit them upon her loved ones, I want that lady to be Naomi Watts. It makes her character's stupidity at least a tad more bearable.



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