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05.28.2014by: Cherry Liquor

The Top Ten Hottest Western Babes

A MILLION WAYS TO DIE IN THE WEST is sort of a western movie in that modern sense (but please don't try comparing it to or mentioning it favorably in the same breath as BLAZING SADDLES because MacFarlane isn't fit to drink Brooks' toilet water) and these are some of the hottest babes from other modern western movies where it doesn't matter if realism doesn't come close to ruffling their petticoats.

#10 - The Babes of SEVEN BRIDES FOR SEVEN BROTHERS

Since most of you who frequent the MovieHotties site are dudes and rather young dudes at that, I'm going to venture that you aren't into either musicals or classic films, so you probably haven't seen this movie. But let me recommend it. Sure, you have to sit through a few numbers that are slow and sappy but this is one of the lasting comedies of its time and dammit, one of those fine babes (the one in the far right of this picture) is the everlasting babe of the century, Julie Newmar. Catwoman in a corset is enough of a reason to watch the movie.

#9 - Kate Bosworth (THE WARRIOR'S WAY)

I've found that nearly every movie after BLUE CRUSH leaves me feeling as if Kate Bosworth is hopelessly out of place but never so much as obviously as she was in THE WARRIOR'S WAY. Sure, she's scary skinny and sure, she's clunky and awkward as a western babe but the red hair looked good and by golly she really wanted to come across as a western badass, didn't she?

#8 - Robyn Hilton (BLAZING SADDLES)

Leave it to good ol' Mel Brooks to find the hottest pieces of ass (or, more aptly, boobs) to manipulate to his horny little Shiksha-obsessed desires. Hilton may have never ended up with much of a career after she was featured as Miss Stein in BLAZING SADDLES but man those natural breasts on her ginger self have become legend.

#7 - Sharon Stone (THE QUICK & THE DEAD)

Before Russell Crowe turned into a bloated blowhard, before Leonardo DiCaprio could play characters who weren't still going through puberty and before we all figured out that Sharon Stone was one heaping ugly pile of batshit crazy, she was still a movie star and she looked awesome in her gunslinger leathers and long flowing locks. What could have been, what never really was and what will never see the light of day again, all in one movie.

#6 - Megan Fox (JONAH HEX)

Easily the worst movie I've ever seen, I'll give it props in the one place that it deserves it. Truly, Megan proved herself to be one of the worst actresses at the given time with her delivery in this film but dammit, she looked outrageously hot in her super-tight corseted hooker garb. Plus it was one of the last times that we saw Fox looking semi-non-surgical, her face becoming a waxy incarnation of what it had previously been shortly after this movie bombed so spectacularly.

#5 - Penelope Cruz (BANDIDAS)

This should have been Salma Hayek's movie to run but it was Cruz who proved that she could be a sexy strong badass with a sense of humour. The movie is one of those bottom shelf fixtures, never released in theaters but sought out by those who have wanted to check out the two Latinas wrangling the ranges with their caramel colored cleavage.

#4 - Madeline Kahn (BLAZING SADDLES)

I really f*cking miss Madeline Kahn. From YOUNG FRANKENSTEIN to BLAZING SADDLES to CLUE, it's hard to imagine that there's ever going to be a woman in the acting business who can so smoothly straddle the hot and funny chick categories. I could watch Kahn work her magic over and over again and never tire of it.

#3 - Dana Delany (TOMBSTONE)

This is my top ten and I can harken back to the olden times of the early 1990's if I want to. While this was by no means as serious of a western as we've seen come from the Costner camp over the long haul, it merged the reality with the entertaining and we ended up with a 90's babe who was both sorta realistic and also super fine. It's the reason why I still kinda have a thing for Delany today and all her 58 years.

#2 - Olivia Wilde (COWBOYS & ALIENS)

There are few movies which aspire to be true westerns and those that do just don't have the time for getting a babe like Olivia Wilde to prance out of a fire in her birthday suit. I understand that the real women of the old west were hardened and weathered and nothing like the perfection that is Wilde but if you can add sci-fi to tumbleweeds, you can make just about any magic happen.

#1 - Salma Hayek (WILD WILD WEST)

This was a complete piece of shit of a movie but it was made during the high time of Salma and her glorious pre-baby, pre-wet nursing globes. The only time her cleavage was more memorable was when she had a snake slithering around her shoulders before she turned real ugly, real fast. Sure, Salma was also in that BANDIDAS movies (equally as awful but at least containing more humour than this tripe) so we can find her boobies in corsets that way too. I just have a weakness for this Salma of years past.

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