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01.05.2015by: Cherry Liquor

The Top Ten Hottest Kidnapped Babes

Get ready for another trip down the grumble-talking Liam Neeson sweet revenge avenue that is another TAKEN movie. In the original, we learned how incredibly stupid it is to kidnap Neeson's cinematic daughter. It made me think of all the other kidnapping victims (and perpetrators) over the years who have looked good during their torment. Here's my top ten.

#10 - Brittany Murphy (DON'T SAY A WORD)

Over the course of her brief career, Brittany Murphy played a lot of weirdos. It's what she did best. Somewhere at the beginning of the 2000's, she transitioned from being the frumpy best friend character to the leading lady in her own right. A stop off at crazy town for DON'T SAY A WORD, a film that had a publicity campaign seemingly based solely on her big, haunted eyes and raspy voice, left us with yet another unforgettable Murphy role.

#9 - Christina Ricci (BUFFALO '66)

Gallo movies are intense. Mostly intensely boring but intense nevertheless. Watching BUFFALO '66 is a mostly painful experience, drenched in the pain-killer vision of the young Christina Ricci. Before she become emaciated, before she surgically cut her cup size in half, before the alien-like head and the everything bad that happened to what used to be the joy of looking at Christina Ricci. She was blonde, she was bouncy, she tap-danced for our pleasure.

#8 - Kim Basinger (CELLULAR)

Before we knew him as Captain America, saving the world from the evils of Hydra, Chris Evans was all about defying cell battery charges, simple traffic instructions and the power of a Jason Statham, pre-Jason Statham's badass reputation. It was also about a sexy Kim Basinger showing off her brainiac skills and creating a phone situation out of broken pieces, tears and distressed breathy speech. This never would have happened with the new iPhones.

#7 - Cameron Diaz (A LIFE LESS ORDINARY)

Before Danny Boyle was making movies for the sake of winning awards, he was making ambitious and bizarre comedies that had me under the belief that he was a bit like John Waters but with class and a cool British accent. A LIFE LESS ORDINARY is one of those movies that most people either overlooked and never saw or love in a cult classic kind of way. I think of it as the movie where young hot Ewan McGregor gets down with young hot Cameron Diaz. That's good enough for me.

#6 - Mary Louise Parker (RED)

I never would have thought that MLP would end up on the top lists of anything based on her hum-drum beginnings in Hollywood, cast as the average friend, average girlfriend. But sometime in her 30's, when she started selling weed on pay cable, Parker got super hot. She looked outstanding as the life-weary telephone receptionist who begins a flirtation with Bruce Willis and ends up kidnapped by him for her troubles.

#5 -Natalie Portman (V FOR VENDETTA)

When you're given the most infamous haircuts in all of Hollywood for a movie role, your place in future top ten lists is solidified. I've made it no secret that I'm really not a fan of Portman's, perhaps because all the naked idolization of her by fanboys seems a bit gratuitous, but the fact that she rolls with the punches and gets all Stockholm Syndrome-y with a faceless dude in a mask gets points from me.

#4 - Maggie Grace (TAKEN)

You knew she was going to be in here at some point, right? What baffled me about Maggie Grace playing the teen daughter of Liam Neeson in the original TAKEN movie is that I knew she had to be much, much older than what she was cast as. After all, we'd already seen her make incestuous whoopie with her brother on "Lost." But Grace is one of those fly-under-the-radar kind of babes. You remember when you see her, "Oh yeah. She's hot."

#3 - Katie Holmes (TEACHING MRS TINGLE)

I really like TEACHING MRS TINGLE, one of the forgotten gems of the late 1990's, written and directed by the man who first got us hooked on the revival of teen horror with SCREAM before slathering his hands in WB/CW teen angst TV dramas. It's the only movie that Kevin Williamson directed and not only do we get to ogle the sensationally hot young Katie Holmes, her kidnapping victim is the perennially sexy Helen Mirren.


Always the bridesmaid but never the bride, as far as when I create top tens, Gemma Arterton gets high ranking for doing nude scenes in THE DISAPPEARANCE OF ALICE CREED, a film that I haven't seen, to be honest. Perhaps if I get the chance to watch it (instead of only looking up the clips and stills of her thoroughly enjoyable breasts), she may move up into bridal position just yet.

#1 - Elisha Cuthbert (CAPTIVITY)

Easily one of the worst movies during the peak of popularity for the torture porn flicks, CAPTIVITY also managed to capture Elisha Cuthbert at the peak of her youthful hotness. She never really did look better before she cut her hair and started to look worse (before making a hottie comeback). I definitely would have locked her up in my own personal dungeon and thrown away the proverbial key.



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