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12.11.2013by: Cherry Liquor

The Top Ten Hottest Former Disney Chicks

This is not a list that will contain any Lindsay Lohan, so I hope you all can manage to survive. In fact, I'm going to wager a strong guess that you're not going to agree with my terms and conditions regarding what it means to be a former Disney chick. But that's the way I like to play things - MY way. I feel sorta bad for the broads who travel through the House of Mouse, their careers forever tainted with the fact that they once worked for the dream factory which attempted to erase the biological fact that they had working vaginas. It seems that once you're temporarily scrubbed of the hint of lady parts while on their docket, you spend years attempting to (or actually) flashing what you've got to prove some point. Anyhoo...

Because I Said So - Miley Cyrus

I'm not going to rank her amongst the others on this list. There's no number that I can think of which would properly satisfy me in regards to Miley. So she's just here because I like her more now than I ever did with anything she did with Disney.

Hall of Famer - Christina Aguilera

She really could go just about any direction on just about any Top Ten list I've ever placed her on but I won't try figuring out where she goes on this one (or Britney Spears for that matter, although I'm bypassing including an image of her on this list because what's the point?). That's because Christina Aguilera - good or bad, thin or fat - stands independent. With her legs spread. Bending over. Yeah.

10 - Demi Lovato

She's had some eating disorder issues and some drug addiction issues and some beating up her backup dancers issues but all of that just proves to me that Demi is more than just her good girl image that Disney cooked up. In fact, because she's so different from the majority of those that Disney has sponsored, I think that makes me like her more.

9 - Danielle Panabaker

Panabaker was the tits when she played Kevin Costner's daughter in MR BROOKS. It's a shame that she hasn't managed to sink her teeth into some bigger and better roles since then, relying on getting by with her super fine ass and all those green powers she had back in SKY HIGH, which totally counts as Disney. And the mentioning of will totally bite me in the ass when you get finished with this list.

8 - Ashley Tisdale

Maybe she's not the best voice out of all the singing actresses to have surfaced from the Disney programs and maybe she's not the funniest of those who have been acting in the movies and shows. Maybe she's not really known for doing much else outside of her "High School Musical" and "Suite Life" appearances. And maybe without the nose job I wouldn't be placing her on this list. But that's a helluva lot of maybes and Tisdale is still holding up to be one fine piece of tail.

7 - Hilary Duff

Her mama might have gotten her kicked off the Disney Channel programming juggernaut, back when it was all about Lizzy Maguire and Even Stevens, but that's only worked in her favor. Never quite maintaining a big degree of success since leaving MM and company, Hilary Duff is still one of the most recognized names in the former Disney league. I think someone deserves a balcony blowjob as a reward for that...

6 - Selena Gomez

Bah, I don't care what you pedo-proclaimers say. I think Selena Gomez is a hot little tamale. Actually, I really like the fact that she's another piece of proof that while you can see that the Disney corporation wants to whitewash everything, at least they have a wide selection of races that they use to do so. Ethnic diversity is important when you're trying to create a mouster race.

5 - Anne Hathaway

I might not give Anne Hathaway a top ten spot in one of my Hottest Babes of All time lists but as far as her being a former Disney chick, she's definitely a high ranker. I remember when Roger Ebert criticized her being cast in the PRINCESS DIARIES movies, saying that she looked like a "ringer" for a high school student. Far more mature than her years, Anne's been flashing us her tits ever since, perhaps to prove everyone other than Ebert wrong.

4 - Vanessa Hudgens

I rank Hudgens high not just because I've seen the pictures of her hairy beaver. She's a sexy young woman who I have almost no recollection of gaining her initial fame as one of the cast members of "High School Musical." Think about it - Vanessa gets referred to as a former Disney chick regularly but do any of you really put your brains into her high school uniforms? Wait, bad question.

3 - Alyson Michalka

It's a pretty simple win here for the taller half of the Aly & AJ Disney duo, Alyson Michalka. She's got big boobs (a wonder that were exalted for posterity in the movie EASY A), a great sense of comedic timing and a brain full of nothing, so it's got great potential for pliability. Being easily impressed is the demo that Disney goes for and they won that in me in regards to Aly.

2 - Brenda Song

There's plenty to dislike about Brenda Song... OK, there's just that thing about her bumping her beauty against Miley's brother Trace's torrent of ugly. Luckily, there's plenty to love about Brenda, including this flexibility she's got going on and you know, her wearing a Sailor Moon costume on her equally as crappy as any Disney program current show, "Dads."

1 - Emmy Rossum

Currently ditching any trace of her good girl image by constantly appearing nude and in the midst of simulated sex on her Showtime series, "Shameless," Emmy Rossum is a long trip away from Main Street and her role in the 1999 Disney movie, "Genius." I don't recall the movie and I don't care. I love me some Emmy and that appearance makes her officially a former employee of Mickey.



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