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03.25.2015by: Cherry Liquor

The Top Ten Hottest Babes in Prison

It seems like just last month we were debuting a Kevin Hart movie. Oh, wait. It was two months ago that we got an R-rated comedy from Hart in the form of THE WEDDING RINGER. It seems fitting that Kev's going to jail with this week's release, GET HARD. If he keeps this up, all those complimentary comparisons to an earlier Eddie Murphy might turn into some more harsh ones comparing him to a current day Eddie Murphy. At least we can use this as a chance to celebrate the age-old favorite - Babes in Lockup. Here are a few of my favorites.

#10 - Sarah Wayne Callies (Prison Break)

Prior to taking cover in a prison to avoid zombies, Sarah Wayne Callies was far less hated as a doctor in the prison on Fox's popular break outta jail show, "Prison Break." She was charming and kind instead of whiny and self-serving and obnoxious in the later but more popular show, "The Walking Dead." Guess that's why the actress has moved on to making movies about ghosts and death, because apparently that's better than life behind bars.

#9 - Claire Danes & Kate Beckinsale (BROKEDOWN PALACE)

Kate Beckinsale wasn't always the flawless hottie that people tend to think of her as. Back in the late 1990's, she was still playing second fiddle to many other actresses, including Claire Danes, who was the lead in this tragic don't-let-your-cute-white-daughters-go-on-vacation-to-drug-associated-countries tale. Definitely more of the dark, dank prison story that you might have been expecting from this top ten, but also kinda bad in its desperate attempt to be gritty and scare the pants off affluent American parents.

#8 - Catherine Zeta-Jones (CHICAGO)

I'm trying to think if I've found Zeta-Jones as compelling in roles she's had after CHICAGO than those before and other than SIDE EFFECTS, which I'd prefer to keep spoiler free here, I don't think so. Something about marrying Michael Douglas sapped a lot of that crazy sex appeal she had in her younger years (even though THE LEGEND OF ZORRO was released after her murderous jail bird movie, the magic was gone). But her sharp bob - and Oscar win - will live on.

#7 - Michelle Pfeiffer (WHITE OLEANDER)

Michelle Pfeiffer really is that white gold, ain't she? Even into her mature years and as a horrible, vile human being who poisons life but literally and figuratively, Pfeiffer is a presence that can't be denied. I don't know how many people actually watched this movie (I'm guessing very few since it failed to perform at the box office and didn't get that DVD afterlife that many overlooked films stumble into) but it's one of those films that's always stuck with me, long after I watched it.

#6 - Erika Eleniak (CHASERS)

When I was younger, I didn't fully process Pamela Anderson as a sex symbol. I know, I know. Everyone else saw her as this human blow up doll and all I thought was she was a sweet Canadian tool girl. Ericka Eleniak, however? She defined sex goddess in more tongues than I can throw a mixed double entendre at. I think I might have modeled too much of my initial flirting attempts on trying to mimic her style.

#5 - Anna Faris (THE HOUSE BUNNY)

A brief but pivotal scene lands Anna Faris' ousted Playboy butt in jail, leading to the sweet but sorta stupid Shelley finding her place in a sorority house instead of living out of her beater car. Not really a big woman in jail flick, but I've always liked Faris and this was the film where she was at the absolute peak of her hotness.

#4 - Madonna (DESPERATELY SEEKING SUSAN)

Once upon a time, long before she was snogging Britney Spears or flashing her aging ass for some extra attention at the Grammys, Madonna was one super sexy, hard to ignore just by simply existing and not some stunt kinda gal. There's no better example than the original Material Girl in DESPERATELY SEEKING SUSAN, where her character is briefly arrested and seen in jail. So it counts. I'd rather give Madge the recognition she deserves when it's appropriate and she was blazingly hot in this movie.

#3 - Selena Gomez, Ashley Benson, Vanessa Hudgens & Rachel Korine (SPRING BREAKERS)

The party doesn't get completely out of control until four ding-a-ling buddies get popped by the popo and then rescued by everyone's favorite wigger, James Franco doing his awesome Jamie Kennedy MALIBU'S MOST WANTED impression. Does the all-American boy fantasy of defiling hot women in cuffs and shackles get any better than these four? Look at all their shit and tell me I'm not right.

#2 - Laura Prepon (Orange is the New Black)

Women in prison is a popular television topic right now, no more so than with "Orange is the New Black," that serious comedy masquerading as a funny drama. Since I first saw her be the tough tomboy living next to Eric Foreman on "That 70's Show," I've been attracted to Laura Prepon and with her turn as lesbian drug dealer Alex, it makes it feel all that much more right to have these salacious thoughts about her.

#1 - Taraji P Henson (Empire)

I won't even lie. I got wicked hooked on this family drama with more bling than a Liberace biopic. Whether it's because seeing Terrence Howard back in action with the best acting partner of his career (watch HUSTLE & FLOW and tell me there's not a pure, nearly obscene amount of artistic rapport between him and Henson), the crazy catchy soundtrack or the parade of stars you want to see get a turn in the TV spotlight, I just love me some "Empire." But more than anything, I love Taraji as Cookie, the high school sweetheart who did 17 years hard time for her ambitious musician husband and has come around for her due. You know you want the Cookie.

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