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11.11.2015by: Cherry Liquor

The Top Ten Hottest Babes at Sea

We're heading into a slower week at the box office, with true story movies like THE 33, the holiday family themed LOVE THE COOPERS and that Brad and Angie movie that no one is really all that interested in seeing, BY THE SEA. If I'm wrong (and your mom and grandma wanting to see it doesn't count), I'm cool with that. Especially if the film gives me the inspiration to go looking up various hot, wet babes in movies at sea.

#10 - Saffron Burrows (DEEP BLUE SEA)

The JAWS for the kids of the '90's, DEEP BLUE SEA made you scared of the water again. Sure, it was water in the middle of an ocean and those were genetically modified sharks out there but shit got real and it got real scary. Saffron Burrows, who has never seemed to grasp a strong foothold in an American movie career, is smart, wily and sexy in the film. Right down to her stripping to her undies to fight off the ocean killers.

#9 - Susan Blacklinie (JAWS)

I am warning you, DO NOT go looking up what Susan Blacklinie looks like now. It will kill all of the appeal that she gained as that fateful skinny dipper at the beginning of JAWS. Instead, appreciate what Susan was in that film - the introduction that many young men had to a lovely beach bunny body before Botox, Pilates, implants and the rest of the overly groomed nonsense you'd see in a role like that today. Just real and fantastic.

#8 - Kirsten Dunst (THE CAT'S MEOW)

Because I love movies based on obscure real life scandal/tragedies, I'm one of the handful of people who not only watched the blink-and-you-missed it 2001 film, THE CAT'S MEOW, but really liked it. Dunst as an impressionable young flapper who suffers a nasty fate at the hands of megalomaniac William Randolph Hurst is pure Kiki magic. She's coy and darling amid a cast of lecherous men looking to use and dispose of her. I'd rather watch this movie over and over again than TITANIC.

#7 - Jeanne Tripplehorn (WATERWORLD)

WATERWORLD was only the third big movie role that Jeanne Tripplehorn had when it was released to largely negative reviews and a box office draw that people constantly believe made it a flop (in actuality, THE POSTMAN was Costner's biggest loss). Much like people dismiss the movie as a flop, people have forgotten the lush-lipped beauty and strong delivery of Tripplehorn, who might have suffered from having a hard-to-sell last name (or a personal life that might have buried a great career - Jeanne had a 6-year off/on relationship with Hollywood darling, Ben Stiller). You can call it '90's sexiness if you want, I still think she's a majorly unsung megababe.

#6 - Alexis Dziena (FOOL'S GOLD)

Sure, I could go with Kate Hudson, who looked like a golden goddess in this movie but it was the spoiled rich girl spunky act of Alexis Dziena that stood out to me. A bit too skinny, a tad too high-pitched but overall a presence that had the punch to get your focus off Hudson in the lead. We haven't seen much of Dziena since her stint on "Entourage" and that's a pity. Girl was awesome at turning heads.

#5 - Stella Stevens (THE POSEIDON ADVENTURES)

The 2006 remake of the 1972 campy classic didn't come close to capturing its appeal - which seemed to lie mainly in the blue negligee that Stella Stevens' massive cleavage was stuffed into. I only watched THE POSEIDON ADVENTURE a few years back at by dad's insistence, drinking heavily and laughing heartily as I did. It's awesome in its forced thriller delivery and Stevens really is the bombshell of the '70's that too many people have forgotten.

#4 - Jacqueline Bisset (THE DEEP)

Whenever I look at lusty, busty Emily Ratajkowski, I think that she needs to be cast in Jacqueline's role from THE DEEP. Sure, EmRat would be a pale comparison to the English lass in that wet t-shirt as she strapped on a scuba tank and went searching for some treasure. Over the years, films have tried to replicate that cinematic money shot (Jessica Alba in INTO THE BLUE comes to mind but I'm tired of seeing her on so many top ten lists that I'm not including her here) without the same effect. Bisset deserves the credit she is due.

#3 - Kate Winslet (TITANIC)

The biggest boat movie of them all, TITANIC was more than just a bloated budget, a terrible theme song and a Leonardo DiCaprio with a jawline that could cut marble. It was the movie where Kate Winslet showed her boobs in a PG-13 movie and people kept paying more for the right to see them. With that flowing mane of curly reddish locks and those form fitted bejeweled gowns, Winslet became a movie legend and a lifetime hottie.

#2 - Uma Thurman (THE ADVENTURES OF BARON MUNCHAUSEN)

Terry Gilliam knows how to make an epic fantasy film. My parents were big Monty Python fans so I spent a lot of my childhood knee deep in films that Gilliam brought to life with dwarfs (TIME BANDITS is more of an unsung classic to me than BRAZIL) and naked Uma Thurman awakening from a clam shell as the goddess Venus in Terry's box office bomb, THE ADVENTURES OF BARON MUNCHAUSEN. What other family film was going to expose you to young Uma nipple flashes and a decapitated Robin Williams?

#1 - Keira Knightley (PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN movies)

I can always appreciate Keira Knightley's acting and her willingness to embrace whatever it takes to sell the story. However, most of her roles have favored her looks over the quality of the story being told (my favorite performance of hers in A DANGEROUS METHOD shows the actress sweating, swearing and contorting like an exorcism participant and that movie just didn't sell). In the PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN movies, Keira not only is charming and the grounding, believable force in the tale, she's also at the epitome of what makes her beautiful. While a period piece, she's not stifled by fashion or patriarchal expectation. She's just one gorgeous ass kicker.

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