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06.12.2013by: Cherry Liquor

Top 10 Best Booties in the Biz

We talk about boobs a lot around here. With the Boobies of the Day being a mainstay feature of this former fledgling portion of the JoBlo empire (who woulda thought that people would discover that clicking over to hot women in various degrees of dress and undress could garner so much attention after some time?) you'd think that we're all about the handfuls to the smotherables. Yet at the same time, there are a lot of Schmoes who talk about the tail end of these women, so here is my Top Ten list of the Best Booties in the Biz.

10 - Adriana Lima

She supposedly was a virgin until she got married and instantly became pregnant with her first child. For a Victoria's Secret lingerie model, I can see how that story would be hard to believe. Looking at her out-of-this-world body also makes it that much harder to swallow. Oh, and this pose of her ass up, looking for a plowing? Well, it was probably taken after she was married. Right? (Jeez... dat ass!!)

9 - Gabrielle Union

We simply do not see enough of Gabrielle Union's ass, which is the only reason that I don't have her higher ranked on this list. From that strip tease scene in CRADLE 2 THE GRAVE, where the red lace of her lingerie looked as if they were trying to make a permanent home on her cheeks to images like this one, I say it again and loudly: WE NEED MORE UNION ASS!

8 - Charisma Carpenter

She might have a bit of plastic help in her chest, but I think that Charisma Carpenter was born with an ass that begged to be evened out with a surgeon's careful hand. There are a lot of great images of Carpenter all over the internet. She's sexy, MILFtastic and all around hot. But this image of her showing her ass in those fishnets? That's a part of Hollywood history. NO ONE I know can forget this pic.

7 - Eva Mendes

In the very beginning of when I was watching Eva Mendes in movies, I wasn't a fan. Then, convincing myself that STUCK ON YOU looked funny, I found out that it was - ONLY for Eva. From that point on, from the comedies to the dramas to the actions to whatever the hell genre you'd place THE SPIRIT in, when she was luxurious as the beguiling Sand Saref, I have had a big girl boner for Mendes. The fact that she's got a fairly realistic body for a woman in movies including her taut, well-formed hind quarters, doesn't hurt either.

6 - Maria Menounos

I really would have put Maria higher on the list but there's just so many awesome asses to choose from, I started throwing up my hands and thinking, "They're all number 1!" A thin woman with a smile wider than her torso and an ass that sprang forth from the Greek heavens, I want to know Maria Menounos. I want to hang out with her. I want a chance to grab her ass in that girl grabbing another girl's ass playful sorta way.

5 - Sofia Vergara

Sofia is known more for her upfront attributes than her posterior, but long before she became the household sitcom ethnic stereotypical second wife on TV, she was a model who wore bikinis, flashed ass and had blonde hair. After being turned down for too many roles because she "sounded" ethnic from her accent but didn't "look ethnic enough," the darker shade came in, the roles came coming and she's become an icon for voluptuous women entering their 40's. A MILF, a hysterically funny woman (look up any interview she's done on any show - Chelsea Handler's was one of my favorites where she ragged harder on Chelsea than I think the drunk blonde knew how to handle) and a possessor of an unforgettable booty.

4 - Vida Guerra

You ever notice how things are unfair in life? Some of the coolest chicks you'll ever run into will range from average looking to pretty uniquely ugly. Some of the chicks with the best bodies will have a grill that sends you for the hills. With Vida Guerra, she's got a great ass but she's so plastic in other regards with a face that I personally don't care for. But I will not, cannot, overlook the fact that she has a rump that stumps my brain.

3 - Coco

Hate if you must, I don't mind. When I first stumbled upon pics of Nicole "Coco" Austin on the arm of Ice-T about 11-12 years ago, I wondered where he found that cartoon character of a woman. There was no possible way that she, or her ass, could be for real. Then I started watching "Ice Loves Coco" one night because I didn't have anything else to watch and I was... under the influence... and couldn't muster the energy to change the channel. And I fell in love with her. She's crazy, as Ice says, but a harmless kind of crazy. I might not want to possess her gluteus maximus, but I love her big ass crazy self.

2 - Beyonce

If I were a black woman, I would want Beyonce's booty. I'd want her money. I wouldn't want her husband, even if he is talented, because I just don't find him to be all that interesting of a person. (Not to mention, dare I say? Fugly.) It gives me pause that since Miss Bootylicious has been with him for so long that she might not be all that interesting of a person. Gorgeous, talented, bangin' in back? Sure. But I'm never going to score a BFF role in her life, so I'll never know for sure what kind of a person she is.

1 - Jessica Biel

I wanted to be Jessica Biel after I saw how tough she got for BLADE TRINITY. Sure, I might have originally tuned into that one because I was still nursing my Ryan Reynolds crush hard (damn you, GREEN LANTERN!) but the top tier butt in my book is the one that I wish I could have. Since I'm a white girl, yes, I am trumping many other well-booty-endowed babes to gold medal the booty which I covet the most. I can't be 100% wrong on this choice, right?



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