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06.10.2015by: Cherry Liquor

The Top Ten Babes of Prehistoric Movies

I have a soft spot for the JURASSIC PARK movies, mainly because my little sister was addicted to them in that all-encompassing way that autistic kids can get. We had dinosaur plates, dinosaur bath towels, dinosaur figurines all over the house. We also watched a lot of dinosaur and cavemen/women movies. So this list is all about the hotties from those films and JURASSIC WORLD is all about my grown up sister still getting to be that obsessive little kid.

#10 - Laura Dern (JURASSIC PARK)

I'm not choosing to put Dern on this list simply to have a JURASSIC PARK alum on here (if that were the case, I'd be going with Julianne Moore). I'm putting Dern on the list because she's got a wildly magnetic draw to her, even when alternately screaming and crying in that odd ugly face she made. Out of all of the ladies of the Crichton based reanimated prehistoric reptile movies, I'd want Dr. Ellie with me... well, and the shirtless Jeff Goldblum as well, of course.

#9 - Sean Young (BABY: SECRET OF THE LOST LEGEND)

Long before she was cranking out the straight-to-video films faster than Jean-Claude Van Damme can kick out the splits, and even before she was Einhorn/Finkle-ing people better than a Jenner, Sean Young was that sultry brunette with the smoky voice who nabbed the brunette seductress roles in the '80's. Not that this is one of those kinds of movies. While lacking in sexy Young hijinks, the family friendly dinosaur movie gathered together Sean's powers with the inimitable golden curls of William Katt. So it's sexy all around & some dinosaur action to boot!

#8 - The ladies of 1994's DINOSAUR ISLAND

This is definitely not one of the movies that my parents gave the thumbs up to my sister watching, although I doubt my dad would have minded if I'd brought it home for him to watch. Nah, this movie (which seems nearly impossible for me to find available now, although I encourage all of you lovers of so-awful-it's-awesome to seek it out) came out in 1994, around the time that a few soft-core movie companies tried to capitalize on the video market. It's filled with gratuitous nudity (the best of which is from Antonia Dorian, who looks a bit like Elizabeth Berkley) and all sorts of other B-movie follies, all of which made it stupidly unforgettable for me, even though I might have been under major influences when I watched it.

#7 - Daryl Hannah (CLAN OF THE CAVE BEAR)

I'm kind of surprised that Daryl Hannah's iconic white/black/red makeup from this movie hasn't managed to worm its way into modern day cosplay. While the movie is a major snore based on a book that's actually sorta interesting, Hannah deserves props for keeping it from otherwise fading into total obscurity.

#6 - Rae Dawn Chong (QUEST FOR FIRE)

There's a whole lotta nudity going on in this caveman movie, including Tommy's daughter Rae Dawn trotting around nekkid for pretty much 99% of her time on screen. It all makes sense why the then 19-year old went on to a mostly successful movie career during the 1980's, with her lithe little figure and her gorgeous biracial looks. Plus, you know, Ron Perlman is in it, so...

#5 - Anna Friel (LAND OF THE LOST)

Anna Friel simply isn't appreciated enough. In the blink-and-you-missed-it 2009 release of LAND OF THE LOST, based on a psychedelic TV show of the 1970's, Anna Friel managed to rein in both Will Ferrell and Danny McBride, even if the movie was a lost cause from the get-go. People had long moved past being intrigued with people slipping back in time to mixed historical references, especially since the recreational drugs needed to make the original watchable were big cultural no-nos 30 years later. A beautiful woman like Friel, however, never goes out of style.

#4 - Senta Berger (QUANDO LE DONNE AVEVANO LA CODA)

I honestly think something is wrong with my parents. Between my dad's MST3K approach to watching huge turkeys, my mom's opinions on how just because something isn't in English doesn't mean it's not worth reading your way through and their combined love of all things not-current, I ended up watching a huge number of movies that my contemporaries didn't. This movie is in Italian and like most Italian movies, it's goofy, it's odd and while it might translate into WHEN WOMEN HAD TAILS in English, it's more about the origin of tail-chasing. Senta Berger is an absolutely gorgeous Austrian woman fighting to keep a threesome of hungry cavemen from eating her by turning their attention to other hungers she can satisfy. It's goofy, it's a sex-romp, it's something I can't believe I watched with my parents.

#3 - Camilla Belle (10,000 BC)

I didn't really notice Camilla Belle until she appeared in this rather crappy prehistoric movie that frankly, I watched once and promptly forgot most of. What I didn't forget was Belle in those simultaneously creepy and sexy blue contact lenses, being the object of caveman affection. That was something I could definitely get behind.

#2 - Barbara Bach (CAVEMAN)

Long before my sister came along, I remember watching this movie with my dad and falling totally in love with it. An entire script dedicated to a caveman language, stop-motion clay dinosaurs, a former member of The Beatles in a gnarly beard, pre-"Cheers" Shelley Long, Dennis Quaid looking young and hot, John Matuszak in full hairy non-Sloth glory and of course, the babe that would later become Mrs. Ringo Starr, Barbara Bach. Atouk wasn't the only one who alounda'ed Lana.

#1 - Raquel Welch (ONE MILLION YEARS B.C.)

In the land of hotties, some names come and some names go and some names become legends. Raquel Welch might never have landed on a career that turned her into a mega-millionaire but once you've seen her in that fur bikini, you understand why she's never been forgotten. Now 75-years old, Welch still has some mighty impressive hottie genes, giving hope to all the Jessica Albas of the current world.

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