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06.17.2015by: Cherry Liquor

The Top Ten Babes of Box Office Bombs

Luckily for the guys behind ENTOURAGE, the budget for the currently bombing at the box office film was relatively low at an estimated $30 million (unlike the bankroll that TOMORROWLAND had), a lot less than Ari needs to worry about with the film within the film. Many other movies before it haven't fared as well. There's a long list of famous bombs as well as some that might surprise you. Perhaps not as surprising? The majority of the bigger busts didn't feature a gorgeous woman in them. Those that did had some impressive talent and beauty but still fizzled. Here are ten of my personal favorites.

#10 - Emily Blunt (THE WOLFMAN)

As a rule, since she's so freakin' awesome, I tend to rank Emily Blunt a lot higher on my lists. However, the dank and depressing (and box office turdfest) version of THE WOLFMAN was so... the thing was total shit. Aside from Blunt, of course, who managed to be elegant and wistful and a bit too inclined toward Del Toro's lout of a man. I know the lady has to work but this is one project I really wish she would have passed on.

#9 - Reese Witherspoon (HOW DO YOU KNOW)

The stench from James L. Brooks' attempt at mid-life crisis romantic humour was so bad that it affected movie goers' ability to remember that Reese Witherspoon was coming off of an Oscar win only a few years before. Granted, she'd padded her resume with some other stinkers in that span, but none of them featured her looking as sexy as she did in HDYK, a movie that gives me Forrest Whitaker eye whenever I watch it. (Translation: it's offendingly horrible in its portrayal of how desperate women supposedly get.)

#8 - Eleanor Tomlinson (JACK THE GIANT SLAYER)

Tomlinson is a complete doll in her finery for this movie that made decent money but had a bloated budget that its character actor and partially unknown cast couldn't back up. She's also super hot when she puts on her fighting gear and takes on some giants herself. And there's something special in that, watching a young woman be more than the dress. Perhaps in the future, the gorgeous Tomlinson will be able to carry a film with the best of them.

#7 - Rachel Nichols (CONAN THE BARBARIAN)

Poor Rachel Nichols seems to be cursed by being beautiful but just a tad bit forgettable. In a movie that would have gotten more box office green love if it had been released after Momoa had induced a flood in the panties of women everywhere with his turn as Khal Drogo in "Game of Thrones," Nichols is forgotten more than the reboot itself was. And she's great as a period piece damsel in distress. Actually, the movie is one of the better upgrades of 1980's cinema, but that might be due to my aversion to Arnie's thick numbskull accent.

#6 - Penelope Cruz (SAHARA)

I've always been a bit on the fence about Penelope Cruz, mainly because she can be terrifically annoying when squeezing out lines in English that her tongue has trouble wrapping itself around. And if I were basing this list on that fact alone, she probably wouldn't even be on it. But in her desert gear, which seemed to rely heavily on a cleavage enhancing tank top, as well as ol' Mr. Alright's personal approval, I can get the appeal.

#5 - Rebecca Romijn - (ROLLERBALL)

There's a slew of films from the mid '90's to the mid-aughts that failed so spectacularly that even with the adjusted inflation stats, it's weep-worthy. The remakes of a bloody B-movie from the '70's is but one of the huge misses, back when we thought that Chris Klein could be a leading man and when Rebecca Romijn thought being married to John Stamos was a good thing. Director John McTiernan specializes in failing spectacularly, with other turkeys on his resume also making the big flops list (THE 13TH WARRIOR, anyone? Perhaps some LAST ACTION HERO?) but none of them had the sensational Romijn in them for soothing eye candy.

#4 - Ming-Na Wen (FINAL FANTASY: THE SPIRITS WITHIN)

I have never played any of the Final Fantasy games and I definitely wasn't all that interested in the movies but I'll take some liberty with my own top ten list by adding Ming-Na to it, even if she starred only in voice form. While the film tended to be popular with critics (legendary Roger Ebert gave the movie 3.5 out of 4 stars), most regular folks hated it. Not adult enough to seduce the grownups and far too intense to get the kids involved, FF:TSW is one of the top ten biggest box office flops of all time. Perhaps if Wen had been in human form, there might have been a better chance for profit.

#3 - Geena Davis (CUTTHROAT ISLAND)

Back when she was married to the bigger-than-life Finnish giant, Renny Harlin, Geena Davis was considered to be one of the more formidable contenders in the search for a proper female action star. Still, with outrageous costs and no Celine Dion to sing a grating love song, the pirate movie ended up one of the biggest duds in cinematic history. What's most impressive to me? Davis was FORTY YEARS OLD when the film was produced, an unheard of feat in Hollywood, where normally women of that age are relegated to roles like, oh, let's say Carla Gugino playing Alexandra Daddario's mother kinda shit. And you know what? It's a fun f*cking film where Geena looks amazing.

#2 - Lynn Collins (JOHN CARTER)

I knew from watching the trailer for this live-action Disney flick that it was going to circle the drain. It was hard to tell if it was a time travel movie, an action movie, a other worldly royalty movie. It's a shame because ultimately what it is is an entertaining movie. Lynn Collins sparkles and shines, capturing your eye far more than its lead, "Friday Night Lights" alum Taylor Kitsch. If only we'd gotten to see her without her shirt as often as we did with him.

#1 - Jennifer Lopez (GIGLI)

Banking on the off-screen romantic relationship between Ben Affleck and Ms. JLo, the film never got a chance to be taken seriously, not that watching it inspired serious reflection either. Jen has been in a number of box office turkeys over the years but none as spectacularly lame as this pseudo lesbian mob flick. And never with looking as hot as she did in this movie either.

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