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09.09.2015by: Cherry Liquor

The Top Ten Babes from M. Night Shyamalan works

People have given up on M. Night Shyamalan. It shows in every single post about the director on the entire internet. It shows in the release date that the studio gave to his latest flick, THE VISIT, burying it in mid-September. It'll show when THE PERFECT GUY does better business at the box office (come on, those FATAL ATTRACTION-type thrillers always pull in the wine-guzzling mommy crowds like nobody's business). It's a pity, because when he's good, he's pretty damn good, even when it's just for creating something fun to make fun of. Perhaps one of the most parodied directors of late, Shyamalan has made his mark. Because... don't you want to know what happened to the bees?

#10 - Olivia Williams (THE SIXTH SENSE)

THE SIXTH SENSE would never have been the successful Spoiler Alert! movie that it was back in 1999 if it had been released in a Facebook/Twitter/Instagram/Snapchat world that we live in today. Most movies don't last at the theater beyond 2 weeks before they're reduced in the number of showings or kicked out altogether. Word of mouth is an antiquated state of mind. I am one of the people who was shocked. I don't even care that it's not considered cool to admit that I was fooled. I also happen to think that Olivia Williams has always been stealthily sexy, even while she's... hell, I still hesitate to give anything away.

#9 - Robin Wright (UNBREAKABLE)

UNBREAKABLE is my favorite M. Night Shyamalan movie, hands down. I am among the group of people who would happily cheer a sequel and buy tickets for it in advance. The only reason why Robin Wright isn't higher on the list is mainly because she was so wildly unhappy in the role (which was called for, but what a downer in terms of your sexuality) and so little used. And while I feel as if we got a little bit of Elijah again when Sam was Valentine in KINGSMEN: THE SECRET SERVICE, it's not the same.

#8 - Dana Delaney (WIDE AWAKE)

Right before he broke out with his wildly successful second film, THE SIXTH SENSE, M. Night made the little seen but still interesting WIDE AWAKE, about a boy who goes on a god quest after the death of a family member. Why did I watch the movie that most people think of as that Rosie O'Donnell as a nun movie? Denis Leary can get me to watch anything. And that guy always lands the hottest tail, in this instance, the underrated and still wildly sexy, Dana Delaney.

#7 - Judy Greer (THE VILLAGE)

I love Judy Greer. I actually am suspicious of the people who either don't love her or don't know who she is. Greer herself made a joke of her long-standing reputation for being the most prolific character actress working today by titling her book, I Don't Know What You Know Me From. Whether rocking a set of mismatched tits, knocking out best friend roles like a major leaguer hits home runs or dressing in neck-high period dresses, there really isn't anything that Judy can't do. Including being believable in an M. Night Shyamalan movie.

#6 - Zoe Kravitz (AFTER EARTH)

AFTER EARTH was rough. It was hard to see that son of Will Smith's run around panicking about an ability to breathe while I silently plotted his doom in my head. The character wasn't too awful but the death would have made the lackluster dystopian flick a helluva lot more interesting. One thing I can say, even when she's given a small role, Zoe Kravitz is supremely more talented and entertaining than nearly all of the other celebrity offspring working right now.

#5 - Seychelle Gabriel (THE LAST AIRBENDER)

Take away the fake blue contacts, the unraveled mop of a white wig and you have a very lovely French/Mexican/Italian actress who can claim she was hot enough as a youngun to be cast as the young version of Eva Mendes in THE SPIRIT. Gabriel has gone on to a lot better (and no, I really couldn't consider Nicola Peltz from the movie because she actually was a little kid when the film was made and Seychelle was already 19). Give her a few more years and I guarantee she'll break out big. Hey... M. Night had the vision to see A-lister greatness in another young star...

#4 - Bryce Dallas Howard (LADY IN THE WATER, THE VILLAGE)

She was just getting her start as an actress when Shyamalan cast her as the blind girl with chutzpah in THE VILLAGE - which, I don't care what you all say, I liked - and what a knockout actress Ron's little girl proved herself to be. Because she's a striking looking lady with talent, that's eventually translated into her being a big box office draw lately, but it was the simpler time when she was briefly Shyamalan's ingenue that really did it for me.

#3 - Zooey Deschanel (THE HAPPENING)

I'm not normally someone you could refer to as a Zooey fan. I like her sister better and aside from her earlier roles when she was playing the quirky sidekick (her place was eventually usurped by Krysten Ritter when Deschanel became leading lady status), I could really take or leave most of her performances. Except for this one. She's blank faced and totally different from anything else you can watch her in. It's as if she's not even there. It's probably the hardest she's ever worked for a role and I appreciated that.

#2 - Shannyn Sossamon (Wayward Pines)

Yeah, yeah. It's not really an M. Night movie. It's not even entirely his show. And it sucks that Sossamon is playing a bedraggled mother to a teenager (that she had to have given birth to when she herself was a teen and Matt Dillon, being something like 16 years older than her in the place we call reality, would have been a total pedobear). But I still love the gal, who is saucy and exotic and charming, even when being marginalized in a throwaway role.

#1 - Carla Gugino (Wayward Pines)

I am totally and completely cheating by using two of the stars of a television show that Shyamalan only had a partial hand in creating. His name helped to bring in some interest, even in the vein of wanting to check out the train wreck (my sister watches Pines simply to give my dad a coronary over its implausibility). Carla Gugino is a goddess and the show is lucky it has her to help bring in the fanboys alone. Plus, even in a crappy show, she's still awesome.



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