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04.13.2016by: Cherry Liquor

The Top 10 Sexiest Movie Criminals

Another week, another Ryan Reynolds movie that isn't about a smack-talking vigilante in red leather. That's right, we're sure to see CRIMINAL, Reynolds' latest dramatic endeavor crash and burn at the box office because that's been his history to date and "When is DEADPOOL 2 coming out?" is the only thing people think now when they see his name. Just like every time you think about a female criminal, you're hoping they're going to be in black leather, holding shiny girl guns, driving off in sports cars. Or perhaps not. Here's my list of the top ten sexiest female movie criminals.

#10 - Selena Gomez, Ashley Benson, Vanessa Hudgens & Rachel Korine (SPRING BREAKERS)

Much like we have near daily coverage of the current cast of BAYWATCH, a few years back the only thing going on for a brief time in 2012 was the near daily postings we had of the girls from SPRING BREAKERS. The biggest problem is that the film ended up being memorable only for the white rapper nonsense spewed from the golden grill of James Franco ("LOOK AT ALL MY SHIEEEEEET!") Never mind the fact that the girls in the film were constantly in bikinis and other skimpy material outfits, getting handcuffed and rubbing up against one another like every young dude's mental moving picture... the girls were hot and the movie was a hot (barely watchable) mess.

#9 - Daryl Hannah (KILL BILL)

I have featured Hannah's co-star from this film, Lucy Liu, a number of times on killer, badass, bossy, bitchy, villainous ladies but this is Daryl's time. As the creepy whistling hitwoman Elle Driver, you're compelled to both instantly hate & fear her but the way she slowly smokes, glares with that one visible eye and holds the camera like the pro that she's always been, well, it's just plain pee-your-pants inducing.

#8 - Lea Seydoux (MISSION IMPOSSIBLE: GHOST PROTOCOL)

Considering how many of these movies have been made, they might want to think about renaming the franchise to MISSION: IMPROBABLE, since they're more than likely going to save the day like they always do. As the sexy assassin in the fourth movie where we're supposed to believe Tom Cruise is an unstoppable badass, Seydoux gets into one of the best fights that this movie, or many others that have been made in recent years, with another hot woman, Paula Patton. My only complaint is that she really should have been the winner in that matchup.

#7 - Sienna Miller (G.I. JOE: THE RISE OF COBRA)

Sienna Miller is another one of those actresses I'm a bit "meh" about but when it comes to sticking her in a leather bodysuit and a brunette wig, I'm paying attention. As the Baroness in a 2 hour long commercial for toys, you feel a bit of sympathy for her law-breaking little soul. Life has never been easy on Ana and she's only doing whatever bad things she's doing in order to survive.

#6 - Kate Beckinsale (TOTAL RECALL)

I think I've been fairly clear that I'm not exactly a fan of Kate Beckinsale (more that I'm not a fan of how beloved she is in spite of the fact that she's a low-quality actress), so of course she's not going to rank high on any of my lists. But taking a great villain/criminal character that Sharon Stone already sexed up and ruled at and then smashing it into the wonky remake of sci-fi movie that everyone argues is one of the best Arnie has ever put out (and that my dad has watched more times than any human should ever be exposed to a '90's sci-fi action flick) doesn't get her high marks. If she'd recreated the pink & black workout outfit that Stone wore, maybe....

#5 - Mila Kunis (EXTRACT)

In this role, sure, Kunis is sexy and vulnerable and misunderstood and adorable and A FREAKING CRIMINAL. From the moment we meet her character Cindy, she's stealing an expensive guitar. I won't even go into the crime of manipulating our dearest Clifton Collins Jr and his tragic ball loss. Kunis may have been more blatantly a criminal in AMERICAN PSYCHO II but guilty pleasures can come in a variety of disguises.

#4 - Sharon Stone (BASIC INSTINCT)

There's something to the ice cold bitch thing when it comes to tall, slinky blondes. You want to believe that all the fairer ladies are going to be Barbies, jumping about with a smile on their face and 10,000 accessories with which to make their lives complete. But it really only takes a short dress, no underwear and a craft recrossing of the legs to steal the show and remain in the public awareness for eternity. That and an ice pick. Stone wore that role so well, it continues to be one of the most memorable movie moments of all time - even if the movie it came from isn't as well recalled on the whole.

#3 - Famke Janssen (GOLDENEYE)

One of those perma-hotties who can capture the hearts and loins of everyone the minute she stares at you with those intense eyes of hers, Famke upped the Bond Girl mystique by literally using sex as a weapon in one of the Brosnan-lead 007 movies, GOLDENEYE. Perhaps that's why she could never be a true heroine in X-MEN, doomed to fall and be our fearless, sexy villainous leader.

#2 - Demi Moore (CHARLIE'S ANGELS: FULL THROTTLE)

Say what you will about the long list of dumbass things that Demi Moore has done in her private life (and was incapable of preventing from becoming public knowledge), the lady plays a mean badass criminal. As a former Angel in this shoddy sequel to the not-that-great adaptation of the small screen hot babes fight crime show, Moore stroked her guns like she was about to have her way with them, all the while talking smack with that seductive husky voice of hers. She might not handle aging well but she certainly knows her way around being a bad girl.

#1 - Jennifer Love Hewitt & Sigourney Weaver (HEARTBREAKERS)

Easily the most likable of all the bad girls on this list, I found it hard to overlook the fact that J-Love & Sigourney were so damn sexy in this movie as they cheated, lied, swindled and otherwise broke the law in order to have a somewhat lavish lifestyle that didn't require any actual work. That's the biggest crime at play here - not that they weaseled a free hotel room or threw Jason Lee off his indie suave game (for the rest of his damn acting career, yikes) but that they didn't have to actually work like the rest of us folks (who would have traded places with them in a second.

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