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01.03.2018by: Cherry Liquor

The Top 10 Sexiest Haunted Movie Babes

Now that we've finished off the dregs of 2017, it's time to head into everyone's favorite season at the box office: the dreaded PG-13 horror winter! That's right, for it's our fourth trip into the spiritual underworld with INSIDIOUS: THE LAST KEY, where we get to safely trip our balls off to some CGI ghosts with the cleanliness of no F-bombs being delivered. Because if I saw a ghost, I'm certainly not censoring my language for that event. There have been a number of sexy babes who have dallied with the dead, both in dramatic and comedic fashion, in houses and other spooky locales, and I've brought you 10 of my favorites. Feel free to disagree... if you dare!

#10 - Illeana Douglas (STIR OF ECHOES)

I don't care if I'm the only person alive who thinks Illeana Douglas is a f*cking fit beast, it's my top 10 and I'll do as I want to. Of course, it helps that she's in STIR OF ECHOES, one of the few haunted movies I watched in my adult years that gave me a serious case of the heebie-jeebies and left me haunted for years to come.

#9 - Morgana O'Reilly (HOUSEBOUND)

I have a thing for "average" women. I love that when you watch a TV program or movie that hails from any country other than the United States, you have women of all shapes, colors and edginess that you don't get from America and O'Reilly is one of them. I also have a thing for Aussie & Kiwi accents, which is what lead me to watch the seriously underrated HOUSEBOUND. You might want to check it out too.

#8 - Halle Berry (GOTHIKA)

Somewhere after Halle turned 30 but before she turned completely batshit crazy, she hit her absolute hottest. Which, obviously, had to be the point when she started taking on more roles that tried to ugly her up. One won her an Oscar. This one just added to her long list of failed big bucks wide releases. If the movie had been slightly better, I might have ranked her higher. It takes a lot for me to overlook her madness.

#7 - Katie Featherston (PARANORMAL ACTIVITY)

Found footage movies, for the most part, turn my stomach. Literally. The shaky cam stuff makes my tummy jump about nearly as much as the camera. So it took the original installment in this series being a huge phenomenon for me to dive in. Then I spent most of the time trying to focus on a fixed point - which happened to be Featherston's bouncing braless bosom. Which made other parts of me quiver.

#6 - Kate Hudson (THE SKELETON KEY)

I like to think of this movie as That Time Kate Hudson Tried To Be Super Serious. After a long string of comedic roles, Goldie's girl decided to slap on a grimace and attempt to sell a Cajun ghost story. It didn't really work, but I appreciated her gumption. A part of me wishes this could have been made with a more appropriately cast lead actress while the other part still wants to give Kate her due back patting.

#5 - Daryl Hannah (HIGH SPIRITS)

Forget Ariel, it was Hannah's fishtailed turn as Madison in SPLASH that made me want to be a mermaid. I thought she was the most beautiful lady when I was a kid and watched as many of her movies as my parents would allow, including the clunky HIGH SPIRITS, which featured my POLICE ACADEMY crush, Steve Guttenberg. The '80's were just ripe with sweet cheeked stars. I really miss that era, if only for the actors it spawned.

#4 - Rose Byrne (INSIDIOUS)

For a series that has now gone on way too long, it was probably the intense motherly vibe that Rose Byrne gives off in the first one that inspired people to keep watching. When I decided to view this at home, I watched it with the lights off, all alone, hoping for a good spook. Instead, Rose seduced and the rest bored me.

#3 - Shannon Elizabeth (THIRTEEN GHOSTS)

At the onset of the 2000's, there were few babes as scorchingly hot and willing to drop trou than Shannon Elizabeth. She sanitized her act as her career went on (thereby stalling it completely and causing her to get ridiculous in trying to convince us that she had a romantic relationship with Julianna Hough's suspiciously "not gay" brother, Derek, after she appeared on Dancing with the Stars with him as her partner) and we never again got to see her bare bolt-ons. If only this movie had gone for the seriously hard R and shown more than just ripped material on those puppies, it might have done better at the box office.

#2 - Arielle Kebbel (THE UNINVITED)

The FIFTY SHADES FREED trailer doesn't do much to make me think those movies are the only thing worse than the TWILIGHT films but it does remind me how unappreciated Arielle's hotness is. And make me want a girl-on-girl scene with Dakota Johnson (it's the only way I'll watch that shit). Spoiler free post for this one, as you really should watch THE UNINVITED, one of the few good Korean-to-American remakes made.

#1 - Jessica Chastain (CRIMSON PEAK)

It's hard for Jessica Chastain to do any wrong. She's gorgeous, she has a realistic womanly body, she's a redhead, she can act circles around scores of others without utterly a single line. The only thing that would make her even more unstoppable is if she'd been able to sell this spookfest flick better. It still surprises me how poor the reception for it was at the box office.



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