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12.23.2015by: Cherry Liquor

The Top 10 Movie MILFS of 2015

After fighting tooth and nail to get your seats for STAR WARS: THE FORCE AWAKENS, you're all planning on quietly slipping into a showing of DADDY'S HOME this week, right? Nah, you're probably all going to go see BB8 and the gang again over the Xmas weekend, leaving me to use the Ferrell/Wahlberg comedy as fodder for a Top 10 list about the hottest MILFs from this year's movies. This wasn't a banner year for matronly babes but it was a diverse one. Enjoy!

Special Mention - Yo-Landi (CHAPPIE)

For all of those adoptive and otherwise alternative mothers out there, I feel as if we need Yo-Landi on the list. Sure, she clearly didn't give birth to a robot (although one might question the likelihood with all of Die Antwoord's general surreal-ity) but I was surprised at how effective the singer was as a surrogate mother to the childlike former police enforcer. There might have been problems with the film otherwise but Yo-Landi wasn't one of them.

#10 - Katey Sagal (PITCH PERFECT 2)

Katey Sagal has forever been a helluva mutha. The sexy siren was the last bon-bon eating stay-at-home mom who didn't have a reason to stay home on "Married... With Children." She was the toughest, most badass biker mama that a whiny little pretty boy could ever ask for. It makes sense that if there was going to be a Barden Bella alumni worth her mettle, it'd be Katey ushering in newbie Hailee Steinfeld.

#9 - Kathryn Hahn (THE VISIT)

I really loved THE VISIT. The goofiness that normally holds hands with an M Night Shyamalan movie viewing only as an ironic at-home drinking game was ready for us on the big screen as the Philly director learned to adapt to how his loving fan-emies feel about his films. I also really love Kathryn Hahn, who managed to be just as badass through video chat as she normally is when physically in a scene. This lady deserves more love than she gets, something that M Night can obviously relate to.

#8 - Emmanuelle Chriqui (ENTOURAGE)

She doesn't technically become a mama until the end of the way-too-late-to-be-a-hit movie version of the popular HBO series. Normally I have Chriqui much higher on a top ten when I find a reason to include her in the list but I was never as big of a Sloan lover as other Entourage fans. Those "preggo" boobs, though...

#7 - Christina Applegate (VACATION)

It's awesome to have the opportunity to feature a former fictional mother and daughter on the same top ten and not have it feel weird. Christina Applegate has long been one of my favorite comedic actresses, with a sense of timing that's been honed from years of being a professional chuckle grabber. Sadly, the VACATION remake/reboot underutilized her talents, sticking her with straight man duties instead of giving her a chance to straddle the line like the ANCHORMAN movies. Bonus points for being a worthy successor to Beverly D'Angelo in the hot milf department.

#6 - Jennifer Lopez (THE BOY NEXT DOOR)

2015 was the year of watching Jennifer Lopez put every inch of her best foot forward. She seduces a high school student in her movie, goes to the Golden Globes and gets ogled on-air by Hawkeye, rubs her famous ass up against Iggy Azalea's thickness and in general proved that just because she's someone's mama doesn't mean she's ready for her nights to be filled with Sleepytime Tea and Sudoku.

#5 - Michelle Monaghan (PIXELS)

I actually saw PIXELS in theaters because I was high. I wasn't, but I don't have an excuse for wasting my time and money on the poorly assembled video game sci-fi hero disaster that was that film. I will put my energy into defending Michelle Monaghan in the movie, since she works really hard to be good, in spite of all of the preposterous suck that surrounds her. She deserves a Nobel Peace Prize for sticking through her contract on that one.

#4 - Rachel McAdams (SOUTHPAW)

You guys get so mad when I don't have Rachel McAdams on a "of the year..." list. While McAdams was hard at work the whole 12 months, from ALOHA to the second season of "True Detective," it was her minimal role in the gritty boxing movie that capitalized on what we love best about the actress - her fit frame and gorgeous allure. And since she was someone's mommy in SOUTHPAW, I get to easily slip her into place on this list.

#3 - Linda Cardellini (AVENGERS: AGE OF ULTRON)

At this point, do I have to include a "spoiler alert" trigger warning regarding Linda's role as Hawkeye's wife and baby mama in AVENGERS: AGE OF ULTRON or can I just freely assume that you've all watched the movie by now? This was a great year for Cardellini, who showed up as the sexy but trouble sister on the spooky NetFlix original series "Bloodline" and then cashed in with A:AOU and this week's DADDY'S HOME. Hard to believe our little freak is all grown up and milfy.

#2 - Lake Bell (NO ESCAPE)

She might not be everyone's cup of tea but I admire the f*ck out of Lake Bell, one of the savviest and most versatile actresses working right now. She can slip between voice-over bits in kiddie flicks to snarky comedy to crazed action films like NO ESCAPE, which was filmed right before Bell because a mother in real life as well. I give Lake more points than some of the others on the list simply because when she takes on something, she just does it so much better than everyone else.

#1 - Carla Gugino (SAN ANDREAS)

Carla Gugino has been a mother for so long, she's clearly the right age to be everyone's mother. Never mind the fact that Carla would have been a 15-year old mother to Alexandra Daddario if they were related in real life (and with the glorious genetics those ladies both have, what a porn producer's dream that would be), SAN ANDREAS wasn't the movie you watched for plausibility. Shit fell down, blew up, got set on fire... and at the heart of it, Carla's big boobies were there to protect and save Alexandra's big boobies. Which is how the world should be.



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