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02.01.2017by: Cherry Liquor

The Top 10 Hotties of Horror Remakes

Woe is January and February landscape when it comes to new releases. We get discarded features that trended poorly in advanced screenings, schmaltzy "romance" flicks when Valentine's weekend rolls around and a whole shitton of PG-13 rated horror films trying to entice those of you in colder climates to risk your lives on the icy roads for the opportunity to shift in your seat uncomfortably. RINGS, the third in a string of THE RING movies, isn't breaking any new ground and neither is this top ten featuring 10 of the hotties from horror remakes. We've seen it before, and since there isn't anything else on, we'll see it again.

#10 - Sarah Michelle Gellar (THE GRUDGE)

I might just be one of the only females I know who wasn't scared of THE GRUDGE, either the original or the remake. Mainly the movies annoyed me by the forced way they came off in their attempt to grab your fear, but on the upside, at least it wasn't as bad as POSSESSION, that other Asian horror flick that Sarah Michelle Gellar was in. Sadly, it doesn't seem as if anyone is going to harness SMG's powers again, having tapped them all out during her time on Buffy.

#9 - Chloe Grace Moretz (LET ME IN)

LET THE RIGHT ONE IN is one of the more gratifyingly disturbing movie about vampirism that I've seen in pretty much my whole life time and the fact that it was done with children was even that much more impressive. LET ME IN, the American remake that featured a younger Chloe (it's the reason why I'm not really ranking her higher, because she was underage at the time and yet I still wanted to recognize the film), one of the more compelling young actors of her time, is close but still a shadow of the original. But over so many other options out there, you can't go wrong with choosing either version of this over them.

#8 - Rachael Taylor (SHUTTER)

I wanted to like this movie, for whatever inexplicable reason. I've seen Joshua Jackson do dramatic stuff well and after watching the original Thai version of the same movie, I figured with Masayuki Ochiai at the helm on this, it might be worth watching. Instead, something was lost in translation and while Rachael Taylor was on board (aside from TRANSFORMERS, I've tended to see her presence aid rather than take away from a project), it was a clunky mess.

#7 - Jessica Alba (THE EYE)

Take an already fairly hokey premise and it might be freaky with the right actors, so long as you're not familiar with them. 2002's original Hong Kong version of THE EYE had its flaws but at least it had a solid creep factor. When you recast it with a well-known and widely regarded top hottie who isn't as recognized for her acting ability and you have cheesy nonsense that makes you guffaw rather than cringe. Or perhaps you were cringing a little. I know I was.

#6 - Jennifer Connelly (DARK WATER)

With a cast that included some great people (John C Reilly and Tim Roth are always big in my decision to watch a film) and some source material that was pretty moving, it was unfortunate that the American version of DARK WATER came off deeply depressing rather than spooky or thrilling. I wanted to like this movie, just as I want to keep liking Jennifer, who has only grown in acting talent over the years, even if her weight has dwindled too much.

#5 - Naomi Watts (FUNNY GAMES)

I could have used THE RING for Naomi but I preferred to go with the film that was far more terrifying to me, even if the action was kept off screen and conveyed in the fear the actors held in their eyes. It's funny in a non-haha way how the people who didn't like FUNNY GAMES listed the fact that the mayhem wasn't splashed across the screen for them to ogle, proving the point that we've become a bit too numb to the reality of scary shit.

#4 - Shannyn Sossamon (ONE MISSED CALL)

ONE MISSED CALL is based on the Japanese movie of the same name and is a giant pile of boring crap in either language, in my opinion. I know plenty of people who dig this shit but for me, this particular series, from either country, just came off hokey. Just as I can't understand people who love the films, I can't understand how Sossamon has never become a bigger name in Hollywood. She's gorgeous, she has that lilting husky voice and she moves like an angel gliding through water, all a pleasure to behold. Perhaps they can't figure out what to do with her because she's from another world.

#3 - Paula Patton (MIRRORS)

MIRRORS was based off the Korean version, INTO THE MIRROR, which I have to be honest and admit that I didn't see. But whenever Kiefer is put to the arduous task of acting annoyed and freaked out, I'm compelled to see him do his thing. He's a bit like Nic Cage with less of a bipolar edge to his delivery. Plus Paula is like adding cheese to food - she's good on top of anything, even more cheese.

#2 - Kristen Bell (PULSE)

PULSE was based off the Japanese version of the same name and while the original had some good jump scares and an overall creepy vibe that penetrated your bones, Kristen's version had Kristen in it and I cannot resist my marshmallow. So while I would consider the remake to be low on any other list I created, Kristen is high enough in my book to balance her out near the top of this one.

#1 - Arielle Kebbel (THE UNINVITED)

I'm going to give a little extra love and grace Arielle with the top spot on this list because frankly, she's better than some of the shit work she's gotten and proved it with her role in THE UNINVITED, a remake of THE TALE OF TWO SISTERS. While I was a fan of the first one to the extent that I was skeptical of how they could pull off the remake, through the grace of an excellent cast, they overcame my worries. Plus, Arielle walks around in a bikini for a good duration, enough to make anyone happy.

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