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05.25.2016by: Cherry Liquor

The Top 10 Hotties From Tim Burton Films

I'm kinda tired of superhero and mutant and comic book babe tallies, aren't you? While I could dredge up a tired list of those super-hot ladies, I'd rather do a little something different this week. And for those who aren't interested in the latest shenanigans of the Xavier Bunch, Tim Burton's ALICE THROUGH THE LOOKING GLASS will be available for watching this weekend, perhaps because you prefer a change, perhaps because all the showings of X-MEN: APOCALYPSE you wanted to go to were sold out.

Exceptional Mention: Helena Bonham Carter

More than a special mention, perhaps because she's worked on 8 different films with him or perhaps because she gave birth to two of his children but Helena Bonham Carter deserves a spot that isn't really ranked amongst the other plebeians. She can look weird and even a tad bit off-putting in her down time (I recall one time seeing a gossip story with pictures of her biting her toenails at a lunch table in public) but when she cleans up, there's something uniquely beautiful and even mesmerizing about her. HBC stands alone but she does so with great aplomb.

#10 - Geena Davis (BEETLEJUICE)

I saw some pictures of Geena Davis getting together with her castmates from A LEAGUE OF THEIR OWN and dammit, she still looks amazing, especially when you consider that she turned 60 this past January. As a frumpy dead lady with a major living people infestation, Geena was adorable and still pretty sexy, although I suppose that could just be me.

#9 - Alison Lohman (BIG FISH)

I really didn't like BIG FISH, even though I wanted to. Hell, it had Ewan McGregor, which normally seals the deal for me on anything (I even sat through both of those motorcycle documentary shows, dammit). I simply found the movie boring and fanciful in that jerk-off, I-made-it-because-I-can way that Burton can have. Sometimes it works, other times you have this. As far as Lohman is concerned, I love her and wish we could see more of her and I actually would love it if she ended up paired with Jessica Lange in something where they share scenes instead.

#8 - Kim Basinger (BATMAN)

There are a few movies in which Kim Basinger would come out much higher on a top ten list for me, but her turn as Vicki Vale in the first BATMAN movie is not one of them. I blame a lot of it on the strange fashion and styling at the time the film was made, where we couldn't decide if high necklines, fluffy shoulder pads and long, unmanageable soap opera hair was hot or not. No, actually, I can decide. It was pretty terrible. That's less Basinger's fault than the end of the 80's but still.

#7 - Estella Warren (PLANET OF THE APES)

What a shitfest this movie was. I can understand and even appreciate what it was Burton was trying to get at with this film... actually, no. No, I can't. I suppose every director has to have one big budget arrow fall far, far from its mark, whatever the hell he was aiming at here. And while Warren is a terrible actress who managed to contribute nothing other than her bodacious good looks to the film, at least she did brighten the screen with her lush lips and hot chick in chains gig.

#6 - Winona Ryder (EDWARD SCISSORHANDS)

A friend of mine argues that Winona Ryder as Lydia in BEETLEJUICE was way hotter than when Burton slapped on a terrible blonde wig her for that vapid cheerleader role in EDWARD SCISSORHANDS but, well, I don't have an excuse for preferring Wino Forever in her little pleated skirt other than the fact that ultimately, goth chicks like Lydia are tiresome and whiny while cheerleaders at least like to get drunk and sloppily deal out blowjobs when they're not, like, you know, doing stuff and things.

#5 - Amy Adams (BIG EYES)

In a departure from his usual manic, fantastical sense of film, Burton showed a great hand at the subdued story of Margaret Keane, the woman who became famous, in a roundabout fashion, for painting pictures of children with large, almost acid-tripping eyes. Watching Amy Adams do her more subdued thing is a treat here as well, even if you want to kill the real life dude who tormented her (if he wasn't dead already... or even played with frenzied panache by Christoph Waltz). Plus, Adams looks really hot in retro stylings.

#4 - Anne Hathaway (ALICE IN WONDERLAND)

I might be the only one who feels this way, but I actually found Anne Hathaway super hot in her weird white wig as the White Queen in 2010's ALICE IN WONDERLAND. I've heard people whine that it was unnatural and strange to see the normally warm brunette looking a bit frosty, but I enjoyed the change of pace for the actress. In fact, I would love to see Hathaway work with Burton on something other than an ALICE flick.

#3 - Eva Green (DARK SHADOWS)

It makes sense that Burton would want to work with Eva Green (and would choose to cast her again, in his upcoming adaptation of the book, MISS PEREGRINE'S HOME FOR PECULIAR CHILDREN. She's dark, she's wacky, she's the kind of actress who eats up the screen and doesn't hesitate to go full throttle in her performances. Thankfully, she's reportedly NOT the woman that the director was seen cheating on HBC back in 2013, so it's not another case of jumping from muse to muse.

#2 - Michelle Pfeiffer (BATMAN RETURNS)

Really the only Catwoman that matter, until DC can figure out how to find someone hotter, the only reason why Michelle isn't number one is that, well, I have a different favorite Burton hottie and if I were to include Pfeiffer on top tens forever, it's rare that I would believe anyone else could top her. So she'll just have to settle for being number two this time.

#1 - Lisa Marie

She might not have gotten her start in acting with Burton's ED WOOD but she might as well just declare that the beginning of her career. After a chance meeting with the director on New Year's Eve in 1992, the two hit it off after sharing their UFO sighting stories and the model then went on to appear in 4 of Burton's movies: ED WOOD, MARS ATTACKS!, SLEEPY HOLLOW and THE PLANET OF THE APES. I can't hate on Helena, because she's an awesome actress, but at the same time.... why the hell would anyone ditch this gorgeous gal?

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