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09.27.2017by: Cherry Liquor

The Top 10 Hotties from Remake Movies

In 1990, we got an R rated look into what Julia Roberts falling in love with Kiefer Sullivan was like. What? Did you forget that back when those two made the movie about medical death & resurrection, they were so mad for one another that they were planning on marriage until Julia ran off with Jason Patrick? Well, unlike Julia getting that slight upgrade, in this week's release of the PG-13 remake of FLATLINERS, we're getting a newer cast of good looking people to tread where others have tread before. It's not as if this hasn't happened a million times in the past, but here are 10 times that it was an upgrade hot enough to make us forget the past.

#10 - Kate McKinnon (GHOSTBUSTERS)

I get it, I get it. Your childhood was ruined. But I think even Harold Ramis would admit that Kate McKinnon was an upgrade over, well, Harold Ramis, in the world of sexy creatures. Even my straightest female friends have said that they'd hook up with Kate, given the chance. Funny, cute and looks amazing in glasses. Ruin us, McKinnon. Ruin us real good.

#9 - Imogen Poots (FRIGHT NIGHT)

I am still reeling from Anton Yelchin's death. I still can't quite process that I'll never hear his scratchy voice soothe me with new lines of dialog. That he'll never step onto the set of a project that you're certain will be crap and then prove that just by him being in it, it's not. That said, Imogen Poots is a lovely woman who manages to make even the kickass Amanda Bearse look utterly replaceable.

#8 - Natalie Martinez (DEATH RACE)

The original DEATH RACE 2000 had David Carradine & Sylvester Stallone, which is pretty unbeatable in the grand scheme of things. But it was dated and silly and even the people who made Blood Drive are probably snickering at it. Anything where Jason Statham is being a badass is a weakness for me. Movie that feature sexy Latinas like Natalie Martinez definitely are a game changer for me.

#7 - Joy Bryant (ABOUT LAST NIGHT...)

If there ever was going to be a man more sexy than the eternally boyish Rob Lowe, it had to be the dazzling Michael Ealy, with his piercing blue eyes. For those who loved Demi Moore before she started f*cking with herself through plastic surgery and weird dietary crap and marriages to Ashton Kutcher, the original ABOUT LAST NIGHT... was the highlight of your Demi appreciating days. So I was surprised to actually like Joy Bryant a lot more. Perhaps it was the more believable chemistry between the leads, I don't know. But Joy's long legs most certainly had something to do with it too.

#6 - Jennifer Garner (ARTHUR)

Another one of those needless remakes that banked on the temporary flavour of the month - this time, Russell Brand, who was unstoppable from 2008-2010. Too bad the movie came out in 2011. The only thing of value to the film was watching Jennifer Garner, who always manages to shine when she's being naughty, something we haven't seen enough from her lately.

#5 - Julianne Hough (FOOTLOOSE)

Pretty much the best & only way to replace the too skinny, too whiny, too obnoxious, too untalented at dancing Lori Singer - bring in gorgeous professional dancer Julianne Hough and put her in tiny mini skirts & midriff-baring tops. She even managed to out-act Singer as well.

#4 - The cast of BLACK CHRISTMAS

I prefer the original BLACK CHRISTMAS as a horror film over the remake (as is the case in most horror remakes) but holy hell did the casting director put their foot to the floor when it came to speeding up the babe limit on this one. Michelle Trachtenberg (when she was still lithe & smiling), Mary Elizabeth Winstead, Lacey Chabert, Katie Cassidy, and Crystal Lowe might not have been Margot Kidder levels of cool but man, were the fun to look at as they perished one by one.

#3 - Elizabeth Hurley (BEDAZZLED)

While the 2000 version of BEDAZZLED was fairly terrible as a whole (I think this might have been the turning point for Brendan Fraser's career), it was striking enough that most people don't realize that Elizabeth Hurley wasn't the first naughty little devil. Nah, in the original, the devil was a dude and it was Raquel Welch who played "Lust." I like Hurley's complete retooling of that concept a lot better.

#2 - Kelly Brook (PIRANHA 3D)

She hasn't been able to figure out how to get her poster model curves to work on the big or small screens but that doesn't mean that we don't appreciate when Kelly Brook tries her hand at acting. Especially if trying her hand at acting means flaunting her body in & out of a bikini.

#1 - Jessica Biel (TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE)

While I doubt that the remake was anywhere good enough in anyone's imaginations to come off better than the original, the one thing it had going for it was the increased sexiness in cast. Tell me it gets better than a young Biel in tight denim & a white tanktop tied in a knot above her belly button. You can't, because there isn't.

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