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11.23.2016by: Cherry Liquor

The Top 10 Hottest Babes of Holiday Movies

I'm sure you're sick of holiday movie lists. I am too and we haven't even hit December yet. But with BAD SANTA 2 debuting at the box office this weekend and no other real Xmas/Hanukkah or other holiday themed films scheduled for the dismal year that has been 2016, it looks like the time for a holiday themed Sexy Ten Spot is upon us. One of these days, I'm hoping someone other than Adam Sandler will take a long, sexy look at those 8 crazy nights and deliver us some kosher kinkiness. Until then, this is what I've got.

#10 - Nicolette Scorsese (NATIONAL LAMPOON'S CHRISTMAS VACATION)

As far as I can tell, she's not related to Martin. Also from what I can tell? This movie is far older than I thought it was, considering that Nicolette is now 62-years old. Of course, it did feature Johnny Galecki and Juliette Lewis as Rusty and Audrey, back when they were still considered child actors and Randy Quaid before he went full batcrap crazy. Still, I've always liked this scene because Chevy reminds me of my dad, all fumbling with the best of intentions before losing his cool. Hail to all of the lingerie saleswomen out there who are willing to lift up a skirt and reveal their lack of pantylines.

#9 - Renee Zellweger (BRIDGET JONES'S DIARY)

I am openly cheating a bit here, although BRIDGET JONES'S DIARY does contain a scene featuring ugly Christmas sweaters. I'm using that intro to be able to show the scene of Renee Zellweger in her tart costume, all Playboy bunny-ed out, looking fine as f*ck with that extra thickness on her that everyone kept saying was fat. Hell, to me this is nearly the best she ever looked (second only to that apron scene in EMPIRE RECORDS).

#8 - The Plastics (MEAN GIRLS)

I often wonder if I'm allowed to put this movie on any list, mainly because it was supposedly about a bunch of high school girls. Meaning underage. Not legal. Taboo. Hell, Lindsay Lohan was barely 18 when the movie was released, which means that technically it was shot before she was OK to look at in the eyes of the law. But it's still one of the cutest scenes with a bunch of hotties dancing to an Xmas song, so...

#7 - Elizabeth Banks (FRED CLAUS)

Man, I hate this movie. I hate that it wasted good people (I'm not including Vince Vaughn in that because - hoo daddy, did that ship sink a loooooong time ago) and that so many people went to see it and that it's considered a Christmas movie to be enjoyed by anyone, let alone one to inflict on the family members trapped at someone's house for the holidays. But Elizabeth as Santa's Little Helper? Well, shit. Can't overlook that, no matter how big of turd this movie is.

#6 - Penelope Cruz (NOEL)

I don't think anyone saw this 2004 movie, or at least so few that I never seem to see people list it in the numerous top Xmas movies lists out there. Not that it's a bad movie. Unfortunately it's one of those "meh" films that disappears because while it's not terrible, it's not that great, which all adds up to it not being memorable. So I'll tell you the only scene that matters. Penelope Cruz salsa dancing for Paul Walker. That's it. That's all there needs to be. (Although I wasn't able to find this without a foreign language dub, you're not really going to care about what's being said.)

#5 - Charlize Theron (REINDEER GAMES)

This is one of my favorite guilty pleasures movies, although I don't think I could pinpoint an exact reason why. Because it's before Affleck got all serious? Because James Frain is such an excellent sleazeball villain? Because anything with Donal Logue is that much better just for his presence in it? I could go on and on, but perhaps it's better to just check out Charlize Theron at pretty much her sex icon peak, when we used to look at her just for kicks without realizing just how powerful she was underneath.

#4 - Michelle Monaghan (KISS KISS BANG BANG)

Does this really need to have an explanation? In fact, why doesn't someone explain to me why, when Shane Black makes a movie with interesting characters & whipsmart scenes, no one pays attention other than to refer to those movies as cult favorites? I'm sure THE NICE GUYS will be popping up on some more of those lists in the near future, since everyone avoided that film like they did this one, aside from the moment Michelle Monaghan shows up in that tiny Santa dress. (So here's a scene without it. Ha!)

#3 - Martine McCutcheon (LOVE ACTUALLY)

There are some people who believe that this is the most romantic definition of a Christmas movie but for the most part, it really rubs me the wrong way. A dude cheating on his wife, a guy traveling to the States to screw American women, widowers and lost lesbian backstories, a dude who couldn't let his friend be happily married because he wanted to f*ck his new bride... mostly all of this film is a bummer. Sure, I love Bill Nighy as the old rock n roller who lands a great comeback and reunites with his buddy and I really love the lusty curvaceousness of Martine McCutcheon, who manages to seduce the Prime Minister while not being whatever the movie sadly believed she needed to be in order to come off as hot. To me, she had Keira beat, hands down. Even if she does, well, f*ck up.

#2 - Zooey Deschanel (ELF)

Most of the time, I steer fairly clear of Zooey. I know a lot of you love her but she only topped my list when she wasn't busy being the adorkable "geek chic" babe that guys have come to associate with women who are supposedly cool enough to be in their inner circle. But there's something incredibly sweet and endearing watching her take a shower and sing a traditional Xmas song. Sure, it might have more to do with her being in the shower (and blonde, which is strangely more appealing to me on her than her natural dark tresses), but I'll take it.

#1 - Lauren Graham (BAD SANTA)

Let's give credit where it's due when it comes to Lauren Graham. She's good at slinging the undercover sexy. That slow simmer right below the surface kinda of sexy that sneaks up and grabs you right when you weren't expecting it to. Sure, from the start of this scene, you're pretty certain that she's going to get it on with scraggly ol' Billy Bob in his threadbare Santa suit. But her chanting, "F*ck Me, Santa!" while riding in his lap was just enough to set heads ablaze. All hail the car sex, Santa sex, Billy Bob (yes, even above that sex in the car red carpet confession from Angelina) sex queen.

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