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09.21.2011by: JoBlo

Top 10 Upskirt Moments

I hate the new trend of professional perverts waiting outside of a celebrity's car for the chance to shoot a pic of their unsuspecting box as she exits the backseat. They're gross peeks into the ultimate privacy that are (usually) unexpected and therefore unpleasant to look at. I want to see Paris Hilton's ungroomed crotch as much as I want to smell it. The best of these moments come in the movies, when it's planned and the area in question has had time in the makeup chair. Some upskirt moments can't be unseen - these are paused and stared at over and over.

10. Eternal Happiness - ETERNAL SUNSHINE OF THE SPOTLESS MIND

Hey, Baby Joel, check out my crotch. I wish we had neighbors like this when I was a little asshole. I would hide under tables all the time but all I would get out of it was cigarette ashes on my head and the occasional fart in my mouth. I don't think women had crotches back then.

9. P for Portman's Perfect Pooper - V FOR VENDETTA

It was almost like some sort of sick joke to get so little rump after the onslaught of thongs we got from her in CLOSER. But, for some reason, this little sneak-peak seemed to intrigue me more because it was like some sort of blooper that we weren't supposed to see. A real life upskirt moment hidden within the film. I'm wrong, of course, Natalie Portman's ass always knows what it's doing. Always.

8. The Exact Moment I Found Lauren Holly Hot - DUMB & DUMBER

Seriously, this movie was chugging along and I never even gave Lauren Holly a second thought until this scene. Afterward, all I could think about was Lauren Holly's ass. So soft. So chiseled. She's almost 50 now and it's still the only thing I think about when I see her, even though she looks like an angry lesbian version of my aunt Prudence.

7. Nice Beaver - THE NAKED GUN

The world was a better place with Leslie Nielsen in it. And stuffed beavers. There's no way to justify how hard I laughed in the the theater the first time I saw this film. It's a feeling not revisited all that often nowadays. And yes, I thought Priscilla Presley was hot. So did you.

6. Great Scots - BRAVEHEART

It's not all beavers and bumper boats, folks. I'll always admire these crazy bastard's courage for hanging their dangs out and swinging them around in a taunting motion mere seconds before it rains arrows all over them. Doesn't one dude take one in the pooper? Whatever, way to go, fellas. Freedom!

5. Jessica's Rabbit - WHO FRAMED ROGER RABBIT

It's long been argued that Jessica isn't wearing undies in the scene above. Whether she is or not, the fact that people actually argue about it is good enough to get it on the list. Look at me, trying to justify the inclusion of (possible) cartoon cootch.

4. Historic Bush - A HISTORY OF VIOLENCE

I love the futile attempt these panties make to hide her mound. I think she might have a hair pick in there somewhere. About 15 seconds after this pic, Viggo Mortensen slams his face into this brier patch and risks both eyes because he can't resist the power of the cheerleader outfit. Not many can.

3. Fire(bush) Down Below - THE BREAKFAST CLUB

You think that was a stunt crotch? I want to search for the answer but my wife is home, lurking somewhere in the darkness behind me, and the second I punch "stunt crotch" into the Google Machine I'm gonna get stabbed in the temple. Somebody get back to me.

2. That Girl - THE SEVEN YEAR ITCH

You know how many women got pregnant because of this scene in the mid-to-late fifties? A shit-ton. I went to New York once and tried to picture this moment every time I passed a grate. I always ended up getting distracted by the smell of melting assholes that was blasting up my nostrils.

1. Cat's Meow-Meow - BASIC INSTINCT

With the arrival of Blu-ray in the past few years I'm pretty sure you can tell how old Sharon Stone is in this scene by counting the rings in her labia. It's probably the most paused scene in the history of film and even though we see shit like this every night on trashy gossip sites and the like, nobody will ever do it as perfectly as Catherine Tramell.

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