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03.20.2013by: Cherry Liquor

The Sexy Ten Spot: Hottest Couch Potatoes

I missed St. Patrick's Day in the sense that I didn't eat cabbage or corned beef or even mashed potatoes. I didn't drink (early hours at the day job) and I was in bed by 11:30pm. It made me think about how I spent the hour before bed, sprawled lazily on the couch, reading a book, and then I thought... coach potato. Potatoes are Irish. I can make that a Ten Spot, right?

10 - Victoria Justice

She just turned 20 but Victoria Justice still exudes a lot of make-out innocence from her. Isn't that what the family couch was all about? Getting a chance to stretch out with bodies pressed close. Thinking you might be feeling what you think you might be feeling, trying to wriggle fingers in places they might not ought to go in case mom or pops suddenly comes home from work early? Heck, I'm old enough to remember the good ol' days when pop's car was a loud OG VW bug that you could hear coming from up the street. Then again, the new generation just texts pictures of their sex organs to one another, right?

9 - Denise Richards

She's poised for a comeback. She's a mom on an ABC Family channel show (something called "Twisted," all I know is the guy who plays the lead is a Canuck, so of course I needed to sneak that full-length peek) looking better than she had two decades ago. If her twenties were when she was a pool bashing WILD THING, her MILF years are meant for couch lovin'.

8 - Rita Ora

Rita Ora is a British singer. She was born in Yugoslavia. She has horribly bleached hair that appears as if it would feel like a handful of the Scarecrow's guts. Her music is the UK equivalent of Katy Perry. But this picture of her on this wee futon makes me want to shine a light on that fine ass of hers. I can be purely about the visuals too, sometimes, OK?!?!

7 - Faith Hill

She's sweet, she's married to the cowboy, she's perfect for those fantasies of quickly boning your buddy's wife on the family couch, right? Do men have those sorts of romantical fantasies like the women folk? If you do, I'm betting you're a C&W fan and that Faith Hill has to be on the top of your pushin' the cushions dreams.

6 - Kirsten Dunst

She might not be BRING IT ON cheerleader style anymore, the thought of which most of you guys probably were drawn to during your high school masturbatory years (the cheerleader in the skirt with the panties around the ankles, no?), Kirsten has been in fine form as of late and a good tussle on an overstuffed sectional still holds a good deal of appeal.

5 - Ashley Benson

We're finally going to get to see some action from the lovely Miss Benson as SPRINGBREAKERS hits US theaters this weekend. As for us poor souls addicted to watching the pretty blonde "It Liar" on her ABC Family channel series (DAMN YOU, CLIFFHANGERS!!!), Emily will only make out with girls, Spencer's addicted to Toby and Aria only goes for pedophiles. So wrap those thoughts around Ashley and dry hump her into your mom's futon, fellas!

4 - Tyra Banks

I'm not a hater of the Banks. Sure, I make fun of other people with nary a concern as to whether I'm hurting their feelings or crushing their dreams, but Tyra, just can't do it. No matter what nonsense comes out of her mouth, no matter the number on her scale's dial, she's the hot potato I'd most like to toss around in my hands.

3 - Stana Katic

After I was railed for mocking what I perceived as being Stana Katic's lack of importance on the show, "Castle," her fans have been sending me pic after pic and leading me to site after site of the hot cop. After a hard week of pretending to bust the bad guys, I suppose she earns her place of sloth on the leather-bound sofa.

2 - Eva Mendes

Guess it's lucky Ryan Gosling who gets to share the cushions with Eva Mendes, since the two have been a couple after making A PLACE BEYOND THE PINES together. That sounds like a hippie's idea of a porn title. Not that I'm saying that's a bad thing. There's a heckuva lot other places behind that could be scores worse.

1- Rosario Dawson

Never mind the fact that I haven't been so lucky as our own JimmyO to have interviewed TRANCE star, Rosario Dawson, I'll take it on his word alone that she's as cool as you believe her to be and even more. To while away the hours with her, lazily stretched out over a couch, hell... she could have the remote and I'd never complain!



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