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09.21.2011by: Randy the Ram

The Sexy Six: Salma Hayek

Guess who will be celebrating a birthday in 2 days? No, it’s not Salma Hayek but one of her biggest fans, the bossman himself, the myth, the legend, the JoBlo! So y’all won’t mind if I become a suck-up and give him a little Salma Hayek treat do you? Also, just to say I killed two birds with one stone, last week on September 16 Mexico celebrated its independence so this can also be a way to get that Latino pride going by celebrating with your favorite Mexican mamacita ese! So let’s dive right in as we take a look at Salma’s hottest film moments.


This would be one hell of a sexy clip if only we didn’t get guy crotch shots left and right as well as a hyperventilating tripped out Russell Crowe, but it does feature enough Salma moaning, twisting and turning to make a nifty deposit in our spank bank. Just close your eyes and think that that’s you and every little thing is going to be all right.


TIMECODE is an exhausting experience born out of a gimmick where we see 4 stories in real time within a 2x2 grid. It’s innovating for sure but boring as f*ck, except for a steamy little scene where Salma Hayek starts smooching Jeanne Tripplehorn and making us all tripplehorny in the process. I advise you to mute the video because the film’s audio can pull you out of the scene since we’re hearing dubs from the other sequences (which we have removed for your viewing pleasure).


Salma Hayek strips down to some pink top and panties, what more do you want? Oh yeah she’s wearing glasses and she’s in pigtails, immediate bonus points from me. The difference from other scenes is that instead of going full steam ahead with the sexy angle she’s just having straight up fun as Serendipity and helps sell the humor of the scene and overall it’s a lot of FUN to look at.


HELLOOOO NURSE!! What’s better than one Salma? How about FIVE Salmas? Why don’t we go one step further and make it five Salmas dressed in a hot nurse's outfit crawling all over the floor, making some sexy poses and doing a little dance here and there. I was tempted to put this in the #1 spot but the road ahead is filled with less clothing and higher boobage quotient.


If you’re looking for loads of naked sexy Salma, with a dosage of sexy Salma dancing the sexy tango with sexy Ashley Judd then look no further than FRIDA, especially since sexy naked Salma is part of a bonerific lesbian scene with one exotic French-African amazon. Just excuse the unibrow and the VERY light hint of the creators trying to give Salma a mustache but who are they kidding, nothing can hide Salma’s sultriness.


Rodriguez sure knew how to exploit Ms. Hayek’s “talents” while FROM DUSK TILL DAWN(foreshadowing!) gave us a muy sexy chica and made her into a sex symbol DESPERADO cemented her status and showed her much steamier MORE naked and ardent side. Time to close your eyes again kiddies, practice your sexiest Antonio Banderas accent and let your imaginations slide!


Not too long ago I was bitching about how this scene is so overplayed but I’m not washing my hands here, I’m to blame as well. This is the THIRD time it’s been featured in The Sexy Six! So why am I giving it the top spot? To be honest it was a hard decision (oh yeah, things were hard for sure) so it was just a matter of making the easy choice and f*ck it, I’ll be a eunuch if this isn’t one hell of a classic sexy scene. It’s right beside classics as that threesome in WILD THINGS and Jessica Rabbit playing patty-cake. So enjoy the snake, the fire, the legs, the sexy dance and the ample boobage.

That’s about it for today, thank you Salma Hayek for all the wonderful mammaries and we hope to see your nakedness once more in the future.



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