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07.06.2011by: Randy the Ram

The Sexy Six: Patriotic Hotties

My fellow Americans! How was your 4th of July weekend? Hope it was filled with hotties, hotdogs and some erect hotdog moments due to watching them hotties as it’s our right to do so freely just as it is my right to be able to bring you in this edition of The Sexy Six some very patriotic hotness.


It’s unusual seeing these hotties and thinking how time has changed for the worse. People ultimately found out that Shannon Elizabeth was just a piece of ass that couldn’t act for shit and Mena Suvari was slightly better but less hotter unfortunately, then there’s Tara Reid which... uh... no comment. By the way, where the hell is Natasha Lyonne? She could have posed instead of that commie Alyson Hannigan, just look at her, all covered in red, even her hair is a communist! For shame Alyson, for shame.

Whatever the case, judging by this pic, I definitely want some of that pie, especially the middle slices.

6. Tina Fey

One thing I love about the US is that there can be people that make fun of everything that ultimately represents America. Exhibit A: Tina Fey. With her droll style of comedy she unconsciously demonstrates how the US is filled with huge but equal amounts of crappy and genius forms of entertainment.

Just the fact that she manages to make me smile with an awkward smirk and a funky dance move here and there is sexy enough, but she definitely defends herself quite nicely in the looks department.

With that I salute you Tina Fey and I raise the flag* for you and your legs.

5. Raquel Welch

An oldie but hottie, Raquel Welch is definitely an American icon, straight out of Chicago and reportedly she’s even a descendant of John Quincy Adams so if that doesn’t make her American I’m sure her huge boobs will convince you. Use the stars to guide you!

I raise the flag* at the Great Rackel Welch circa the 1970s.

4. Charisma Carpenter

Charisma Carpenter has gone through all sorts of stereotypical American ramifications for her Buffy/Angel character “Cordelia”. She’s been the bitchy popular one, the diva, the unemployed starlet and the ditzy pretty girl but one thing that remained was her hotness, she’s a very underrated hottie with Cherokee blood which makes her the most American lady in this list and for that and her nakedness, I raise my flag* at thee, Charisma.

I’m not an anarchist or anything but I suddenly had the urge to destroy a flag or better yet, the need to BE a flag.

3. Rachel Bilson

While slightly missing some stars and stripes I’ll still be raising my flag* to Rachel Bilson for her dedication to keeping the US just as hot as any other exotic place on the planet, furthermore she has the perfect amount of cuteness to go along with the sexy. A red white and blue teeny tiny bikini with sailor motifs? What’s more patriotic than that? That’s right Ms. Bilson, be sexy and salute the flag!

2. Brooke Burke

If there was some place where naked wildness was taking part of course we had to send a fitting correspondent so cue Brooke Burke, one of the hottest bodies to ever grace reality TV and all television for that matter, too bad we never got to see her go as wild as some spring breakers in Cabo.

Still, for one über sexy pic of Brooke with some very gropeable stars and some squeezable stripes. I raise my flag*.

1. Erica Durance

Erica Durance might not be from the US but her character of Lois Lane is the counterpart to America’s strongest icon (literally) and in this occasion she’s being part of America’s favorite pastime, and no I’m not talking about Baseball.

In my opinion, stripteasing always wins which is why Erica Durance gets the “coveted” No. 1 spot on today’s sexy list, but wait there’s more!






I raise my flag* to you Erica Durance, for your dedication to the stars and the stripes and for twirling and swinging away on that stripper pole.

*...and by “my flag” I meant my penis.



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