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03.30.2011by: Randy the Ram

The Sexy Six: Cheerleaders in Skirts

Welcome all to another edition of The Sexy Six, I'm doing a three part series where we’ll be focusing on my favorite article of clothing for women. A Skirt. Very feminine in presentation, very practical in certain situations. Seeing a girl in a skirt is like window-shopping for her behind, like entering a bakery and smelling the delicious baked goods. You’re so close you can almost taste it. Don’t you all just want to lift up a skirt and spank a chick? No? Uh, OK, moving on.

For your viewing pleasure this time will be all about the staple fantasy of many red blooded American boys: The cheerleaders. If a video game existed about highschool sexcapades, a cheerleader would be one of the final bosses, right below threesome. They jump, they giggle, they twirl, they do sexy dances, they’re usually very passionate and with those skirts and skimpy outfits they’re so hard to resist. So let’s take a look-see at some sexy cheerleaders throughout film.

HONORABLE MENTION: THE CHEERLEADERS

Blame the 70s for our fascination with cheerleaders, for starters it seems that 1 out of 5 porn movies were about cheerleading. Those were definitely different times, free love was all around, sexploitation flicks were booming and the cheerleader subgenre was all the rage. Case in point: THE CHEERLEADERS, where said cheerleaders concoct a most ingenious plan so their team can win the championship: Have sex with all the players of the opposing team so they end up exhausted when the big game comes, in the end, my guess is that they ALL win.

THE CHEERLEADERS obtained only the honorable mention because to be honest, it’s just a crotch shot away from being a porno and it also fails in having a girl to headline some kind of hotness. More than sexy it’s just a so bad it’s good softcore unfunny comedy porn film.

6. TIE: Mary Elizabeth Winstead & Megan Fox

I know there’s some Megan Fox haters out there and I mean no disrespect to Mary Elizabeth Winstead but in the end they’re both foxy in their cheerleading costumes, unfortunately neither had anything really interesting to do in their respective movies. Props to Quentin Tarantino for just going "f*ck it" and having a hot girl in a cheerleader costume but that was about it for MEW’s character in DEATH PROOF and as for JENNIFER’S BODY one of the only good things to come out of that movie were some of the promotional shoots, and Megan's costume is hotter, so yeah, a tie is about right. Anybody fancy a sandwich right about now? I do

5. BRING IT ON

Chick flicks, teen chick flicks for that matter, aren’t all that bad, most of the time they have some sort of eye candy in store especially when they deal with cheerleaders as the subject matter. BRING IT ON is certainly worthy of our time as it has a little bit of cuteness, some sauciness and a dash of hotness. In other words, Kirsten Dunst, Eliza Dushku and Gabrielle Union.

As a special exclusive for you my dear readers, I took the ending credits sequence, added a less annoying song and slowed it down a bit for the utmost sexiness. If you want to see these girls swaying seductively and shaking their bootays do yourself a favor and see the clip.

4. NOT ANOTHER TEEN MOVIE

Speaking of bringing it, it has already been broughten by NOT ANOTHER TEEN MOVIE and Jamie Pressly as the hot bitchy stereotypical head cheerleader in this scene that parodies BRING IT ON that's as pleasing to the eye as it is funny. Just marvel at their swaying and bending, their pumping and grinding, shaking their big booty and showing it. Damn, those bitches represent! They ain't white They ain't white, They definitely ain't white! Check it out yo!

3. Mena Suvari

I’ve never been a Mena Suvari fan, she’s probably the biggest reason I didn’t like AMERICAN PIE (her and Chris Klein, who coincidentally end up a couple, lamest couple EVER), but I be dammed, her cheerleading scene in AMERICAN BEAUTY is one classic, sexy film moment. After revisiting the movie my face probably mimicked that of Lester Burnham (Kevin Spacey) except with wider eyes and a lot more drool. Thora Birch’s brief part in the cheer also deserves a shout out as her peculiar frame is just right for that cheerleading costume but when that spotlight focuses on Suvari, that’s when the magic happens.

2. THE REPLACEMENTS

In THE RECPLACEMENTS Brooke Langton plays head cheerleader to a squad comprised of strippers and that’s about all that you need to know. Sure she’s not the main focus of the movie but her character and her squad are the movie’s biggest draw, at the very least Langton has the best pompoms on today’s list as well as the best cheerleading outfit. Since the replacement cheerleaders are basically a bunch of strippers you bet your spanksies they provide us with a suggestive routine filled with girl on girl action, seductive glances, boob grabing, bending, humping, stretching, a caress here and a spank there. It’s no surprise the opposite team got distracted. Greatest cheerleading team ever!

1. Maria Bello

Gimme an H! Gimme an O! Gimme a T! What does it spell? STEAMY! No wait... HOT! Either way, that’s two words to describe Maria Bello’s scene in A HISTORY OF VIOLENCE. If you look closely, the rest of the Sexy Six consist of chicks mainly being a tease. Sure they’re hot, they got the moves, the body and that look in their eyes that says “take me”, but that’s as far as it goes, as opposed to über MILF Bello, who dons the cheerleading outfit just to pleasure her man (bonus points for having Viggo Mortensen as her man), not only does she have that look in her eye, she clearly wants it and she’s going to get it, this girl won’t be taking any prisoners tonight. Go wildcat go! Me and a little friend will cheer you on.

Rick 'em, rack 'em, rock 'em, rake! Don’t forget to participate! Do voice your thoughts and rants down below. Should I have gone with other choices? Maybe some TV cheerleaders, or cheerleaders that weren’t wearing any skirts? Always remember, this is just some horndog’s opinion. Stay tuned for the next edition where we’ll be looking at school girls!

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