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Jessica Simpson would do better with custom made bikinis

03.31.2016by: No Cool Handle

Jessica Simpson's cartoonishly large cones can't just be packed in to your ordinary, everyday bikini top. Looking at the caught-on-camera images of those double bubbles being so heavily compressed brings visions of grill men smashing down beef patties with a spatula - or, the thought of trying to fit 2 terabytes of data on a 64 gig thumb drive. They were captured while the pop diva of old was vacationing in Cabo which can make you wonder about their secluded shores topless policies; surely there are lax laws down in the Mexicali regarding indecent exposure, right? Best to leave 'em flapping in the wind rather than continue the inhumane method of constant constriction. Ok, so that was an obvious example of passive manipulation - can you blame me? All of these years and nary a fully exposed view of the Moby Dick of tits, and like Captaion Ahab, I'll be on the hunt for those pics for as long as it takes.

Source: Celebzz

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