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Hottie Report Card: Zoe Saldana

08.01.2014by: Salacious Crumb

Talking raccoons and houseplants will likely be stealing the #1 spot at the box office this weekend, and believe or not, we couldn't be happier. GUARDIANS OF THE GALAXY looks like it may in fact be refreshingly rebellious Marvel movie we were all hoping for, or at least it might make an entertaining couple of hours in an air-conditioned room. You're gonna need all you can get, too, with a lean, green Zoe Saldana occupying the screen. After AVATAR and STAR TREK, is there any doubt that Zoe's aiming to be remembered as the Sci-Fi Babe of the Century? I think not. Then again, I suppose she only stands a chance if she's viewed as a hottie by the masses. So let's put on our Vulcan thinking caps and get down to Vulcan business, shall we?

From the get-go, I've always found Zoe very attractive. Granted the first time I really noticed her, she was blue and resembled a cat. That said, there is some sort of mystical feline-type quality to her. With a straight face, you may think Zoe is a super serious or "all business", but her smile immediately shatters that image, and luckily she's been known to smile quite a bit.

To say I've never laid eyes on this particular behind would be a lie, and you'd know it, as Zoe has made it very difficult not to notice her buns in photoshoots and movies like THE LOSERS. Naturally, I feel inclined to give her some extra points for presentation alone, but in general, she's got a nice ass. If anything, she could add more meat to her thighs, but if I get any more picky you might think I'm preparing her like a rotisserie chicken.

I'm slightly on the fence in regards to Zoe's progress in this subject. On the one hand, yeah, there's not a whole hell of a lot to go jumping for joy about. On the other hand, Zoe has been quoted saying "I wouldn't mind buying myself a pair of breasts before I die" (source). I don't know, I personally think I would favor Zoe with her smaller, natural breasts. It's not like they don't work for her in the meantime, plus she's been known to sport some nice cleavage from time to time. That's not to say breast implants aren't right for anybody. They make an excellent graduation gift.

Since she was a teen actress, Zoe has made a transition from being skinny to being tone, then from being tone to being extremely hot. I don't think anyone needs any convincing of that fact. Never will I pass up an opportunity to see a half-naked Zoe Saldana whenever the promise of it is teased in a movie trailer, and hopefully filmmakers won't stop asking her bare midriff to come to work.

With credits in movies like GUARDIANS OF THE GALAXY, AVATAR, STAR TREK, PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN and THE LOSERS, it's practically impossible not to dig this woman's career, especially if you're a typical movie fan. If that weren't enough, she even plays a Trekkie herself in THE TERMINAL, making her a fanboy's ultimate drool factory. Of course, there's also her involvement with films like the American remake of DEATH AT A FUNERAL, CROSSROADS and GUESS WHO, which aren't as impressive. In any case, Zoe definitely seems to be heading on the right track. Let's just hope her career lives long and prospers.

It may just be the fact that she's starred in all those cool movies I mentioned above, but I've got a pretty big crush on Zoe (don't tell the principal). For one, she's a pretty damned good actress for someone who specializes in playing fantasy characters. Zoe takes her roles seriously, but life, not so much. It's that same rebellious attitude that attracts me to Gamora from GUARDIANS. While she appears to be a fun person who likes to laugh, she's also easy-going and not too overwhelming with excitement in conversations. In other words, she's not likely to give you a headache, unless you start a conversation with her in the Na'vi or Klingon language. Then you're f*cked.

Extra Tidbit: How would you grade this hottie, professor?


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