Latest Movie Hotties Headlines

Hottie Report Card: Victoria Justice

01.17.2015by: Salacious Crumb

Why we have yet to put Victoria Justice on the hypothetical throne of speculation is beyond me, but I guess it’s about friggin’ time. The schmoes who’ve been eagerly awaiting the comeback of their favorite piece of Nickelodeon eye candy can now sleep sound thanks to her new MTV series, uhm, EYE CANDY. Despite that promising title, the plot of the show doesn’t revolve around the actress modeling underwear, although my fingers shall remain crossed. Actually, the series is based on a novel by the legendary R.L. Stine about a hot tech wizard who uses her hacking skills to track down a serial killer as well as her lost sister, because you can’t have “Victoria” without “justice”. And speaking of justice, let’s find out if I can do any for this hottie in this week’s report card! (Spoiler: probably not.)

The struggle that comes along with weighing out the pros and cons with a girl like Victoria is it’s all pros, as far as physicality goes at least. I’ll admit my infatuation with this one is almost purely physical, as all of my knowledge comes from pictures. Most of the schmoes who dig this hottie have probably barely seen her act, unless they’ve ever binge-watched the entire series of VICTORIOUS before shouting at the mirror and smearing lipstick on their face. Still, the fact that Justice has made such a huge impression with practically zero effort should say something about how naturally gorgeous she is. That’s not to say a bikini magazine spread would hurt her profile, though.

I may be poking the bear with a stick here; that bear being the cumulative number of people who seem to be passionately obsessed with this dame’s derriere. Truth be told, I’m quite fond of it myself, but I wouldn’t immediately crown Victoria the “queen of all that is booty” or even the "heiress of heinies”. In my humble opinion, even giving her an “A” in this subject is pushing it, quite frankly. That said, due to its long-standing reputation and crazy amount of admirers, I’ll let this one slide. 

I don’t foresee as much disagreement in this category as there was with previous hotties, mainly because Victoria doesn’t put her Areola Grande’s on display as frequently as she damn well should, but I digress. Even when covered, and typically beneath multiple layers of clothing, Victoria’s boobs suit her quite well. They do her body justice. The big question is how long we’re going to have to wait before she has that big “Phoebe Cates in FAST TIMES” moment we’re all dying to see.

Victoria is 5’5” and will be turning 22-years-old in February. She has many years ahead of her to start resembling a melting pumpkin, but for now she’s doing a fantastic job keeping fit. As I stated several subjects ago, almost 100% of my attraction to Victoria comes from looking at images of her, usually fully-clothed, traveling from one red carpet shindig to another. That said, she’s going to have to reveal a little more in 2015 if she wants to keep us begging for more, like dogs for scraps. Seriously, enough with the teasing already!

This category can be a difficult one to dissect, especially when it comes to a gal like Justice. First of all, she’s already a million times more successful than I am or could ever hope to be, not just for her run on VICTORIOUS, but her successful music career and sold-out concert sales as well. One the one hand, she should be very proud, but also very thankful to the hundreds of people who probably helped to get her to that place. On the other hand, we still have no idea how long her career is going to last now that Nickelodeon’s out of the picture, and since I’ve never really seen her act, it’s a tough call to make at this point. Let’s hope MTV brings more to the table quality-wise with EYE CANDY than they did with their TEEN WOLF series.

Once again, my infatuation with Victoria is akin to a high school geek with a picture of the head cheerleader hanging in his locker. I may have not ever heard her speak, but I know we were meant to be together forever. (Deep down, she knows, too. She just doesn’t realize it yet because the police usually take me away before the love connection sets in.) Anyway, from the little I do know about Victoria from social media and such, she’s got a zany sense of humor which I like, and she doesn’t take her fans for granted. That’s really all I need to know to give her a fair grade, but I’ll disregard this subject when it comes to the final grade just in case.

Check out our previous Hottie Report Cards...

"A" Students: Salma Hayek, Jennifer Aniston, Paula Patton, Gemma Arterton, Amber Heard, Lacey Chabert, Jaimie Alexander, Gillian Jacobs, Natalie Dormer, Amy Adams, Alison Brie, Alexandra Daddario, Kelly Brook, Kate Mara, Eva Green, Carla Gugino, Scarlett Johansson, Kate Upton, Sofia Vergara, Jennifer Lawrence, Charlize Theron, Olivia MunnZoe Saldana, Rosario DawsonOlga Kurylenko, Olivia Wilde, Kaley Cuoco, Hayley Atwell, Lauren Cohan, Anne Hathaway, Jessica Chastain.

"B" Students: Sandra Bullock, Alice Eve, Jenna Fischer, Lena Headey, Kristen Bell, Anna Kendrick, Cobie Smulders, Rashida Jones, Danielle Harris, Nicole Beharie, Ellie Kemper, Michelle Trachtenberg, Evangeline Lilly, Meagan Good, Gabrielle Union, Yvonne Strahovski, Sarah Hyland, Emily Browning, Imogen Poots, Tina Fey, Karen Gillan, Rebecca Hall, Elizabeth Banks, Annet Mahendru, Emily Blunt, Emilia Clarke, Moon Bloodgood, Danielle Fishel, Keri Russell, Cameron Diaz, Rachel McAdams, Megan Fox, Aubrey Plaza, Emily Ratajkowski, Michelle Monaghan, Adrianne Palicki, Nicole Kidman, Kat Dennings, Keira Knightley, Allison Williams, Jena Malone, Rose Byrne, Maggie Grace.

"C" Students: Kristen Wiig, Katherine Heigl.

"D" Students: Khloe Kardashian.

Extra Tidbit: Do you think this grade does Victoria justice? How would YOU grade her?


Latest Movie News Headlines


Featured Youtube Videos

Views and Counting

Movie Hottie Of The Week


Latest Hot Celebrity Pictures

{* *}