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Hottie Report Card: Shailene Woodley

03.20.2015by: Salacious Crumb

Another week, another sequel to yet another film based on a sci-fi adventure novel geared towards teens. Of course, I'm referring to INSURGENT, the much expected follow-up to last year's DIVERGENT. Did you notice how those two titles ryhme with each other? How about that, huh? It's tough to keep up with all these movies about young adults trapped in life-threatening situations, who live under the surveillance of corrupt governments, and sport similar survival unifroms. I don't even care, whatever keeps Shailene Woodley in the news is fine by me. Speaking of whom, shockingly, Shailene still hasn't been "put to the test" in the Hottie Report Card. Of course she's easy on the eyes, but where do you think Shailene stands on the grand scale of hotties? Let's put on our ogling caps and find out!

People seem to shy away from the idea that the words "cute" and "hot" can be used to describe a person in the same sentence, but I think Shailene would have peope second-guessing that notion. Early on, I certainly had Shailene pegged as the "cutesie" type, but she's proven to display a lude, crude attitude in certain roles over the years that would suggest otherwise. Unfortunately, the one thing holding me back from giving her a solid 'A' is that damned butch haircut trend, which she partook in, and with no shame at all.

While I'm fairly certain I remember Woodley showing some promise in this area, probably in one of her bikini scenes in THE DESCENDANTS, it's hard to back that thing up without some solid photographic evidence. The ass shot we've received from Woodley is this promotional poster for DIVERGENT, which, I'll admit, grabbed my attention from the get-go. And hey, the film went on to make over a billion dollars worldwide, so we best give credit where credit is due.

Unlike the last subject, Shailene has done plenty of "show and tell" to back up her efforts in this category. If you care to dig deeper as to what I mean, check out Shailene's nude scenes from WHITE BIRD IN A BLIZZARD. Yes, she hopped aboard the nudity train years before her short-time acting mentor Jennifer Lawrence did so accidentally. While Shailene may not seem eager to exaggerate her cleavage at red carpet shindigs, she's made us quite aware that she's not lacking something epic in this part of her student body.

I'm aware that the grades for "Fitness" may often seem redundant, as nearly every hottie receives a similar grade in the subject. However, it's also a very important subject to acknowledge, especially when selecting a hottie to survive the inevitable revolution with. For example, I'm quite certain Shailene could run faster, hunt better, and open a pickle jar faster than I ever could in a post-apocalyptic type of situation. Surely, there are other ways Shailene would be useful in a futuristic wasteland, but I'll let you decide what they are.

Much of Shailene's filmography seems to revolve around teen romances with dramatic interferences at hand, such as THE SPECTACULAR NOW, THE FAULT IN OUR STARS and of course, the DIVERGENT series. Despite having only seen fractions of those films, I would admit that the performances from Woodley were quite good. Even without proper context, she's an embrasive actress to behold, whether the scripts are all that great or not. At 23-years-old, I highly doubt we've seen the most this hottie has to offer acting-wise. Considering how few starring roles Shailene has landed over the years, movies have kicked quite a bit of ass at the box office so far.Even though this hottie's been on the rise for quite some time, I can't say I know enough about her to make a solid judgement. That said, from what I have gathered, there's a lot to admire about this girl. For example, she was diagnosed with scoliosis at age 15, and was put in a chest-to-hips plastic brace to stop her spine from curving further. Some of her pastimes include watching ice hockey matches, swimming and playing basketball. Add those facts to her skyrocketing success in the film industry, and I don't see dinner table conversations running out quickly... especially considering you'll just stuck there drooling, anyway.

Check out our previous Hottie Report Cards...

"A" Students: Salma Hayek, Jennifer Aniston, Paula Patton, Gemma Arterton, Amber Heard, Lacey Chabert, Jaimie Alexander, Gillian Jacobs, Natalie Dormer, Amy Adams, Alison Brie, Alexandra Daddario, Kelly Brook, Kate Mara, Eva Green, Carla Gugino, Scarlett Johansson, Kate Upton, Sofia Vergara, Jennifer Lawrence, Charlize Theron, Olivia MunnZoe Saldana, Rosario DawsonOlga Kurylenko, Olivia Wilde, Kaley Cuoco, Hayley Atwell, Lauren Cohan, Anne Hathaway, Jessica Chastain, Victoria Justice, Maria Menounos, Mila Kunis, Rosamund Pike, Margot Robbie, Nina Agdal.

"B" Students: Sandra Bullock, Alice Eve, Jenna Fischer, Lena Headey, Kristen Bell, Anna Kendrick, Cobie Smulders, Rashida Jones, Danielle Harris, Nicole Beharie, Ellie Kemper, Michelle Trachtenberg, Evangeline Lilly, Meagan Good, Gabrielle Union, Yvonne Strahovski, Sarah Hyland, Emily Browning, Imogen Poots, Tina Fey, Karen Gillan, Rebecca Hall, Elizabeth Banks, Annet Mahendru, Emily Blunt, Emilia Clarke, Moon Bloodgood, Danielle Fishel, Keri Russell, Cameron Diaz, Rachel McAdams, Megan Fox, Aubrey Plaza, Emily Ratajkowski, Michelle Monaghan, Adrianne Palicki, Nicole Kidman, Kat Dennings, Keira Knightley, Allison Williams, Jena Malone, Rose Byrne, Maggie Grace, Jennifer Lopez, Sienna Miller.

"C" Students: Kristen Wiig, Katherine Heigl, Dakota Johnson.

"D" Students: Khloe Kardashian.


Extra Tidbit: What grade would YOU give Shailene, professor?


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