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Hottie Report Card: Selena Gomez

05.20.2016by: Droz

Selena Gomez has made quite a dramatic transition from teen jail bait to fully matured sex symbol. The last few years in particular have seen the Latina firecracker crank the hotness knob all the way up to 11 on several occasions. Now she's got sexy roles in movies, makes sexy videos, poses for sexy photo spreads, does sexy concerts, shows up places in sexy outfits. Girl orbits around the whole concept of sex appeal like a bangable satellite. Being such a force for titillation should make getting high marks on a Hottie Report Card a cinch, right? We shall see...

This is probably the most divisive issue for many people on the topic of Selena's appeal. Being torn about her merits here is understandable. While the rest of Selena has matured into a fully formed woman, her face maintains a persistent childlike quality. Thus the frequently heard "she looks 12-years-old" criticism. There are times when this is true. However, Selena does her best to play down this aspect of her looks whenever possible. Sometimes she's successful there, sometimes not. Either way, I've never thought of her as anything but beautiful. Besides, looking younger than her age will one day soon become more of a godsend than an annoyance for Selena.

Selena may not be as abundantly chested as others here, but if there's one thing we know, it's that goodness comes in all shapes and sizes in this category. Being massively endowed in the boobs department isn't a requirement for a decent grade. How one makes use of what they got here is just as important. And Selena has had some truly unforgettable titty moments. The one below is a particular favorite. There's no way anyone leaves the house like this on a whim. Girl was clearly in the mood to show off some serious pokies action. Since then titty shows have become a cornerstone of her celebrity profile. That's the kind of stuff we like around here.

This category feels about the same as the previous one. You could argue that Selena is not dealing with the most bombastic ass there is, or the most athletic ass, or whatever kind you prefer. As good as any ass is, one can usually find a better example somewhere. For this grade giver, what Selena's got works just fine by me. While this example pic is of a slightly more filled out Selena letting her ample cheeks peek out in cutoffs while in between concert tours, the gist of the booty situation here is the same. I consider this a perfectly grabbable ass of the finest kind.

Speaking of thickening up. When Selena was doing her teen jail bait thing a few years back, she was very much in line with any other hottie around in this category. Nothing too thick or wide or big or bulbous happening on her. Then some shit played out in her life which made the pressing need to stay tiny not so pressing. Since then Selena has enjoyed a nicely filled out little body. She's still not too wide or thick or big. Merely a little more like what I would consider the perfect figure.

I'm probably not the best person to be evaluating the merits of Selena's career accomplishments. For a proper assessment of this you'd need someone younger and of a different sex. However, having sampled a little bit of her exploits in television, movies, music and various other media, I think I can say with some confidence that she's not terrible. I'll never be the sort who collects her albums or buys box sets of her shows and movies. But I'm cognizant enough to differentiate between my own personal tastes and a total lack of talent.

I hear good and bad things about Selena. She seems like a fun, sweet kind of girl. But then you hear about her getting caught up in all kinds of catty bullshit between various other former jail bait buddies with whom she rose up the fame ranks back in the day but who now hate her or whatever. Then there's the Bieber thing still following her around. The fact that she ever got with him at all cost her the respect of many folks. To her credit, this was before he became a full blown asshole, so one could forgive her for not fully realizing the depth of his epic douchiness. Controversies and bad relationship choices notwithstanding, Selena still has way, way more going for her here than others I could name.

Check out our previous Hottie Report Cards...

"A" Students: Salma Hayek, Jennifer Aniston, Paula Patton, Gemma Arterton, Amber Heard, Lacey Chabert, Jaimie Alexander, Gillian Jacobs, Natalie Dormer, Amy Adams, Alison Brie, Alexandra Daddario, Kelly Brook, Kate Mara, Eva Green, Carla Gugino, Scarlett Johansson, Kate Upton, Sofia Vergara, Jennifer Lawrence, Charlize Theron, Olivia Munn, Zoe Saldana, Rosario Dawson, Olga Kurylenko, Olivia Wilde, Kaley Cuoco, Hayley Atwell, Lauren Cohan, Anne Hathaway, Jessica Chastain, Victoria Justice, Maria Menounos, Mila Kunis, Rosamund Pike, Margot Robbie, Nina Agdal, Shailene Woodley, Amanda Seyfried, Christina Hendricks, Jessica Alba, Ashley Greene, Charlotte McKinney, Kate Beckinsale, Aly Michalka, Mary Elizabeth Winstead, Morena Baccarin, Katy Perry.

"B" Students: Sandra Bullock, Alice Eve, Jenna Fischer, Lena Headey, Kristen Bell, Anna Kendrick, Cobie Smulders, Rashida Jones, Danielle Harris, Nicole Beharie, Ellie Kemper, Michelle Trachtenberg, Evangeline Lilly, Meagan Good, Gabrielle Union, Yvonne Strahovski, Sarah Hyland, Emily Browning, Imogen Poots, Tina Fey, Karen Gillan, Rebecca Hall, Elizabeth Banks, Annet Mahendru, Emily Blunt, Emilia Clarke, Moon Bloodgood, Danielle Fishel, Keri Russell, Cameron Diaz, Rachel McAdams, Megan Fox, Aubrey Plaza, Emily Ratajkowski, Michelle Monaghan, Adrianne Palicki, Nicole Kidman, Kat Dennings, Keira Knightley, Allison Williams, Jena Malone, Rose Byrne, Maggie Grace, Jennifer Lopez, Sienna Miller, Jordana Brewster, Felicity Jones, Blake Liveley, Elizabeth Olsen, Reese Witherspoon, Brittany Snow, Jennette McCurdy, Ronda Rousey, Bryce Dallas Howard, Alyssa Milano, Rhona Mitra, Natalie Martinez, Ashley Benson, Elizabeth Gillies, Odette Yustman, Kristen Stewart, Alicia Vikander, Kate Bosworth, Juno Temple, Zooey Deschanel, Kirsten Dunst, Bella Thorne, Deborah Ann Woll, Daisy Ridley, Sophie Turner, Emily VanCamp.

"C" Students: Kristen Wiig, Katherine Heigl, Dakota Johnson.

"D" Students: Khloe Kardashian.

Source: Movie Hotties


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