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Hottie Report Card: Sarah Silverman

06.03.2016by: Droz

There are some hotties who seem to polarize. Either you love them completely or not much at all. Then there's Sarah Silverman, who not only courts controversy and polarized opinion, but actually seems to revel in it. Sarah's made shocking and insulting people the cornerstone of her profession as a comic. Fortunately she's a natural when it comes to such things. She's also fairly easy on the eyes, which kind of balances things out where she's concerned. Sarah can get folks hot for her even when she's making them look stupid. But can she score decent points on a Hottie Report Card? I can only imagine what Sarah's response to that question would be, but let's give her the treatment anyway.

Sarah's mug was the initial reason why I became a fan of hers a million years ago during her brief stint as an SNL cast member. She likes to play down the significance of this time, but I was quite enthusiastic about the cute little Jewish hottie doing her thing on Weekend Update and the occasional sketch. Sure, she got booted off after one season, but I don't think that had anything to do with her looks. She was young and still searching for her comedy timing. The cool part is since then Sarah has only gotten better here. Not the sort of thing many can brag on.

Looking at this pic of Sarah with the titties poppin' might have you questioning how I could give her anything but an "A" here. I'm not ripping on Sarah's tits with this grade. They're nice and anyone would be lucky to have at them. That said, I think what you're seeing here is the result of flattering undergarment technology. Check her boobs out in their non-pushed up state in movies like I SMILE BACK and the take away is that Sarah has a perfectly fine set of tits, especially for a 45-year-old, but maybe not quite as fine as this pic would has us believe.

Again, one must refer to the flurry of nude scenes Sarah has been putting out there in recent years to get an accurate sampling of what she's got going on out back. If all we had was Sarah giving herself a poke in the bum on the red carpet, I might give this booty a solid "B+" or better. Looking at her rather strange shower scene in the movie TAKE THIS WALTZ, I think I gotta drop her down a little. As with her boobs, I personally don't have a problem at all with Sarah's hiney. However, compared to the many illustrious asses we profile in this column, I am forced to grade accordingly.

The Photoshop is strong with this pic, which means we once more gotta go to the movie footage. What this footage says is that compared to the vast majority of human beings out there in the real world, what Sarah has works just fine. Actually, if you limit yourself to folks her age, the number of people she bests in the fitness category is probably even higher. Because we tend to deal with the best and the brightest in these report cards, things get a little more complicated with Sarah. So yes, she isn't as good body wise as an A+ like Kate Beckinsale. Few people are. On the other hand, she's nowhere near those on the opposite end of the fitness scale. That puts Sarah somewhere in the middle, which is better than many can brag on nowadays.

There are different ways to evaluate Sarah's career. Maybe you like her stand up routine. Maybe not. Could be her TV shows and movies are more to your liking. Could be not. Lately she's begun to endeavor into more serious fare. Perhaps that's more to your liking. I find opinions vary here. The only consistent aspect to Sarah's career, especially her comedy, is the polarized opinions it gets. Her brand of comedy doesn't work for some people. To put it simply, they don't get the joke. Me, I've always been a fan. Not only is she irreverent as they come, but also quite whimsical and a big fan of the non sequitur. You don't see many women keen on that kind of comedy, which makes her all the more appealing to me. But, I can't just discount those segments of the population who don't get her brand of humor. So she drops down a grade. Not bad.

A lot of people tend to think the Sarah they see onstage is the same person she is offstage. Like with many comedians, it seems most of this is just an act. The real Sarah, whoever she is, is a little harder to pin down. To be honest, I don't know much about the real Sarah, apart from some tabloid headlines and well publicized political agendas. The little I have seen of Sarah the person reflects a far more caring, feeling person compared to the woman we see on stage. I give her a "B" here simply because of my relatively scant understanding of who the real Sarah is, but something tells me she would, at the very least, be a great person to hang with.

Check out our previous Hottie Report Cards...

"A" Students: Salma Hayek, Jennifer Aniston, Paula Patton, Gemma Arterton, Amber Heard, Lacey Chabert, Jaimie Alexander, Gillian Jacobs, Natalie Dormer, Amy Adams, Alison Brie, Alexandra Daddario, Kelly Brook, Kate Mara, Eva Green, Carla Gugino, Scarlett Johansson, Kate Upton, Sofia Vergara, Jennifer Lawrence, Charlize Theron, Olivia Munn, Zoe Saldana, Rosario Dawson, Olga Kurylenko, Olivia Wilde, Kaley Cuoco, Hayley Atwell, Lauren Cohan, Anne Hathaway, Jessica Chastain, Victoria Justice, Maria Menounos, Mila Kunis, Rosamund Pike, Margot Robbie, Nina Agdal, Shailene Woodley, Amanda Seyfried, Christina Hendricks, Jessica Alba, Ashley Greene, Charlotte McKinney, Kate Beckinsale, Aly Michalka, Mary Elizabeth Winstead, Morena Baccarin, Katy Perry.

"B" Students: Sandra Bullock, Alice Eve, Jenna Fischer, Lena Headey, Kristen Bell, Anna Kendrick, Cobie Smulders, Rashida Jones, Danielle Harris, Nicole Beharie, Ellie Kemper, Michelle Trachtenberg, Evangeline Lilly, Meagan Good, Gabrielle Union, Yvonne Strahovski, Sarah Hyland, Emily Browning, Imogen Poots, Tina Fey, Karen Gillan, Rebecca Hall, Elizabeth Banks, Annet Mahendru, Emily Blunt, Emilia Clarke, Moon Bloodgood, Danielle Fishel, Keri Russell, Cameron Diaz, Rachel McAdams, Megan Fox, Aubrey Plaza, Emily Ratajkowski, Michelle Monaghan, Adrianne Palicki, Nicole Kidman, Kat Dennings, Keira Knightley, Allison Williams, Jena Malone, Rose Byrne, Maggie Grace, Jennifer Lopez, Sienna Miller, Jordana Brewster, Felicity Jones, Blake Liveley, Elizabeth Olsen, Reese Witherspoon, Brittany Snow, Jennette McCurdy, Ronda Rousey, Bryce Dallas Howard, Alyssa Milano, Rhona Mitra, Natalie Martinez, Ashley Benson, Elizabeth Gillies, Odette Yustman, Kristen Stewart, Alicia Vikander, Kate Bosworth, Juno Temple, Zooey Deschanel, Kirsten Dunst, Bella Thorne, Deborah Ann Woll, Daisy Ridley, Sophie Turner, Emily VanCamp, Selena Gomez.

"C" Students: Kristen Wiig, Katherine Heigl, Dakota Johnson.

"D" Students: Khloe Kardashian.

Source: Movie Hotties


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