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Hottie Report Card: Sara Jean Underwood

08.12.2016by: Droz

By now most of us know of Sara Jean Underwood's inspired use of social media for pics of her fine ass doing everyday things. Those who knew Sara before Instagram recall her even more inspiring full frontal centerfolds and everything else she did for Playboy. I even have fond memories of her brief stint as the cosplaying fill-in co-host on the defunct Attack of the Show (I actually liked her more than Olivia Munn in that gig). No matter how you've received your Sara fix, the one constant with her is an eagerness to please. And when we say please, we mean get as many dudes rock hard as possible. With those kinds of consistent aims, it shouldn't be hard for SJU to earn herself top marks on our Hottie Report Card. We'll see.

My impression of Sara's look has always been as if Pippi Longstalking grew up, dyed her hair blonde, and started doing centerfolds. She's definitely got a tomboy gone hottie look about her, which if you do your Sara homework, is actually kind of true. The effect there is a pleasant combination of cute and sexy in one pixie-like package. Although lately she's gone a little too Barbie doll mode. I wouldn't proclaim her too far gone with the elective surgery look, but I can foresee that day coming.

It's been quite a few years since we've seen Sara's natural boobs. Having gone through the whole Playboy experience (back when they were still all about the bared boobies), it's no surprise she quickly upgraded her originally modest B-cups. I actually wasn't too big a fan of her boobs back in those initial post implant days. Now something of a titty Renaissance has taken place with Sara. She's gone from a small C-cup with implants, to a very natural-looking D or better. I never thought a petite thing like Sara could ever have it in her to rock the kind of full breasts she enjoys today. Yeah, they're still fake. But they're competent fakes.

One of the true miracles of SJU's present day appearance is the incredible blossoming of her booty. Back in the day Sara possessed a cute, though not very extensive ass. I was always happy to check it out, but not exactly floored by it. Who could have known her early 30s would bring about such remarkable bonuses to Sara's buns? She claims her improvements here come from a new workout regimen. I'm willing to believe that. We've seen squat heavy workouts do wonders with hotties before. Whatever the story here, one thing is for sure - Sara's ass transformation is one of the most impressive we've seen.

Sara strikes me as the type who will never let herself go. As a surprisingly accomplished yoga person (she's even done competitive yoga overseas), Sara has enjoyed life as one of the more shapely hotties around for years now. Yet as good as her early time in the spotlight was, I don't think Sara has ever looked better than she does today. Yeah, I suppose it's technically possible there might come a day when circumstances see her retire to a bedroom with some cookies and pizzas until she's tipping the scales at something not so good. But I can't see that ever happening. It's my belief Sara will go down fighting here.

I'll acknowledge a lack of things some snobs might call profound in Sara's CV. No, Sara's never won an acting award or a singing award or anything like that. She was Playmate of the Year once. And she also did a nude yoga workout I found highly inspirational. Lately she's begun to enjoy life as a phenomenon on social media, something which in certain circles is akin to buying Google stock in 1996. I value Sara in this category because I've never had any reason to dislike her. She was terrific as a centerfold and continues to be great as an Instagram star. These might not be the most weighty of pursuits, but she's good at them and always leaves me with a positive impression. It's more than I can say for some of those more celebrated types.

Sara comes from humble beginnings in the back woods of Oregon. There she spent her early days running around in the woods and generally being a child of nature. Then she went to Arizona State, where she eventually caught Playboy's eye. The rest is history. Now pretty much every guy on the planet has become horny for Sara. For many with this kind of rep, it's easy to grow smug and aloof. Sara never seemed to go that way though. You can tell she's just having a great time being a sexy, cool person. I don't know if she's the most complicated intellectual in her line of work, but I'm willing to believe she's one of nicest. I'll take that.

Check out our previous Hottie Report Cards...

"A" Students: Salma Hayek, Jennifer Aniston, Paula Patton, Gemma Arterton, Amber Heard, Lacey Chabert, Jaimie Alexander, Gillian Jacobs, Natalie Dormer, Amy Adams, Alison Brie, Alexandra Daddario, Kelly Brook, Kate Mara, Eva Green, Carla Gugino, Scarlett Johansson, Kate Upton, Sofia Vergara, Jennifer Lawrence, Charlize Theron, Olivia Munn, Zoe Saldana, Rosario Dawson, Olga Kurylenko, Olivia Wilde, Kaley Cuoco, Hayley Atwell, Lauren Cohan, Anne Hathaway, Jessica Chastain, Victoria Justice, Maria Menounos, Mila Kunis, Rosamund Pike, Margot Robbie, Nina Agdal, Shailene Woodley, Amanda Seyfried, Christina Hendricks, Jessica Alba, Ashley Greene, Charlotte McKinney, Kate Beckinsale, Aly Michalka, Mary Elizabeth Winstead, Morena Baccarin, Katy Perry, Emmanuelle Chriqui, Hilary Duff.

"B" Students: Sandra Bullock, Alice Eve, Jenna Fischer, Lena Headey, Kristen Bell, Anna Kendrick, Cobie Smulders, Rashida Jones, Danielle Harris, Nicole Beharie, Ellie Kemper, Michelle Trachtenberg, Evangeline Lilly, Meagan Good, Gabrielle Union, Yvonne Strahovski, Sarah Hyland, Emily Browning, Imogen Poots, Tina Fey, Karen Gillan, Rebecca Hall, Elizabeth Banks, Annet Mahendru, Emily Blunt, Emilia Clarke, Moon Bloodgood, Danielle Fishel, Keri Russell, Cameron Diaz, Rachel McAdams, Megan Fox, Aubrey Plaza, Emily Ratajkowski, Michelle Monaghan, Adrianne Palicki, Nicole Kidman, Kat Dennings, Keira Knightley, Allison Williams, Jena Malone, Rose Byrne, Maggie Grace, Jennifer Lopez, Sienna Miller, Jordana Brewster, Felicity Jones, Blake Liveley, Elizabeth Olsen, Reese Witherspoon, Brittany Snow, Jennette McCurdy, Ronda Rousey, Bryce Dallas Howard, Alyssa Milano, Rhona Mitra, Natalie Martinez, Ashley Benson, Elizabeth Gillies, Odette Yustman, Kristen Stewart, Alicia Vikander, Kate Bosworth, Juno Temple, Zooey Deschanel, Kirsten Dunst, Bella Thorne, Deborah Ann Woll, Daisy Ridley, Sophie Turner, Emily VanCamp, Selena Gomez, Sarah Silverman, Hailee Steinfeld, Katharine McPhee.

"C" Students: Kristen Wiig, Katherine Heigl, Dakota Johnson.

"D" Students: Khloe Kardashian.

Source: Movie Hotties

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11:17PM on 09/11/2016
Sara is so beautiful
Sara is so beautiful
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9:16PM on 08/12/2016
She seems fake in more ways than one. She panders for the geek vote.
She seems fake in more ways than one. She panders for the geek vote.
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4:29PM on 08/12/2016

This is so funny!

Fully plastic fake media whore gets an A for career. LMFAO
Fully plastic fake media whore gets an A for career. LMFAO
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11:31AM on 08/12/2016

Fake Boobs Score

First of all, she is incredibly beautiful. My personal preference is real boobs, even small ones, so she only scores a B at best for me on boobs. Everything else is perfecto A+. I mean, she is a freaking 10.
First of all, she is incredibly beautiful. My personal preference is real boobs, even small ones, so she only scores a B at best for me on boobs. Everything else is perfecto A+. I mean, she is a freaking 10.
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+3
7:52AM on 08/12/2016

Close but...

B+ for face? That's it? R choo kidding me meng? Sara is soooo beautiful.
B+ for face? That's it? R choo kidding me meng? Sara is soooo beautiful.
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