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Hottie Report Card: Rosamund Pike

02.20.2015by: Salacious Crumb

Good morning, class. Find your seats, it's time to observe yet another movie hottie student body. With the 87th Academy Awards coming up this Sunday, this week's focus will be on "Best Actress" nominee Rosamund Pike. We had our report on Emily Ratajkowski when GONE GIRL first came out, but Pike clearly stands out as the primary hottie in the flick. On top of her Oscar nom, Rosamund is also nominated in this year's Golden Schmoes for "Best Actress" and "Best T&A" of the year. Somehow her disturbingly manipulative yet oddly seductive character managed to get a rise out of us. Please note, this column is meant to celebrate actresses who've already earned an "A" grading on the beauty scale, so please take my rankings lightly. Obviously, you can feel free to leave your own grading of this hottie in the comments if you'd like, and perhaps if there are enough I'll tally 'em up later. Oh, and please turn off your cellphones.

Even though her mug is now somewhat associated with terror and emasculation, it's tough to deny she's a very pretty specimen. This especially becomes apparent in photoshoots, of course. When holding a straight face, she has "femme fatale" written all over her. On the other hand, when she cracks a smile, it's almost as if she's exposing her true, innocent, goofy side. The side that doesn't murder Neil Patrick Harris.

Rosamund gave the audience quite an eyeful of her panty-clad arse in GONE GIRL, but even with that aside, I'm quite fond of this section on her resume. She can thank all those magazine spreads and photographers who had the common decency enough to give her backside some exposure. This is why Pike gets some extra credit for, let's just say, "show and tell". It's one thing to know how to give a good presentation, but having something so magnificent to present is triumphant.

.While Amy Dunne may have been a tad bit envious of her husband's mistress's "giant cum-on-me tits", Rosamund's got absolutely nothing to be envious about. She has plenty to work with, and would probably even be considered well-endowed by most standards. I'm just personally stunned by how well Pike's peaks match the rest of her, ever so naturally. Also, she seems to leave her bra at home rather often, which is a plus. And just like our previous subject, she knows how to give them a decent presentation. 

I've made it pretty clear that Rosamund is a very well-proportioned female. She's the type of woman I'd feel compelled to sketch if I saw her naked, depending on whether or not I survive the explosion in my pants. She has a figure that I think most men, and people in general, find very attractive. Pike's not particularly voluptuous but she still has curves, and even better, she seems to know how to use them.

Quite frankly, I've been familiar with Rosamund for several years, but I've had trouble figuring out exactly where I know her from. In all likelihood, it was either DIE ANOTHER DAY or DOOM with Dwayne Johnson. I remember seeing her in THE WORLD'S END and thinking she fit her role pretty well, but she didn't strike a chord with me. Of course, this could be due to the lack of a deeper character to work off of, which luckily she got with GONE GIRL. I'm aware her work in other films has been well-received for the most part, but even if Matthew McConaughey doesn't hand her that golden statue of himself on Sunday, this is just the beginning for her.

Like most peeps, I would imagine, I still feel like Pike is a new kid on the block, despite her having been in the biz for well over a decade. As some people speculate, this could be because she's a very modest person who doesn't gloat in stardom. Even with the buzz over her Oscar nomination, she's managed to stay as humble and "hush hush" about it as humanly possible. While she doesn't seem to have the slightest interest in politics, she does occasionally talk about the modern state women as well as the state of art. On top of that, considering her increasing number of high profile projects, one would have to think she gets along well with others. Only time (or leaked emails) will tell if she has any real NPH skeletons in her closet, but until then, she's an "A" student in my book.

Check out our previous Hottie Report Cards...

"A" Students: Salma Hayek, Jennifer Aniston, Paula Patton, Gemma Arterton, Amber Heard, Lacey Chabert, Jaimie Alexander, Gillian Jacobs, Natalie Dormer, Amy Adams, Alison Brie, Alexandra Daddario, Kelly Brook, Kate Mara, Eva Green, Carla Gugino, Scarlett Johansson, Kate Upton, Sofia Vergara, Jennifer Lawrence, Charlize Theron, Olivia MunnZoe Saldana, Rosario DawsonOlga Kurylenko, Olivia Wilde, Kaley Cuoco, Hayley Atwell, Lauren Cohan, Anne Hathaway, Jessica Chastain, Victoria Justice, Maria Menounos, Mila Kunis.

"B" Students: Sandra Bullock, Alice Eve, Jenna Fischer, Lena Headey, Kristen Bell, Anna Kendrick, Cobie Smulders, Rashida Jones, Danielle Harris, Nicole Beharie, Ellie Kemper, Michelle Trachtenberg, Evangeline Lilly, Meagan Good, Gabrielle Union, Yvonne Strahovski, Sarah Hyland, Emily Browning, Imogen Poots, Tina Fey, Karen Gillan, Rebecca Hall, Elizabeth Banks, Annet Mahendru, Emily Blunt, Emilia Clarke, Moon Bloodgood, Danielle Fishel, Keri Russell, Cameron Diaz, Rachel McAdams, Megan Fox, Aubrey Plaza, Emily Ratajkowski, Michelle Monaghan, Adrianne Palicki, Nicole Kidman, Kat Dennings, Keira Knightley, Allison Williams, Jena Malone, Rose Byrne, Maggie Grace, Jennifer Lopez.

"C" Students: Kristen Wiig, Katherine Heigl, Dakota Johnson.

"D" Students: Khloe Kardashian.

Extra Tidbit: How would YOU grade this hottie, professor?


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