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Hottie Report Card: Olivia Munn

07.04.2014by: Salacious Crumb

Before we all get hammered and start blowing off various limbs, it's time to enjoy some other lovely visuals in this week's report card. Although, whether or not this hottie lights off fireworks in your shorts may depend on how much you enjoy hating all things celebrity. No, it's not another f*cking Kardashian, but Olivia Munn whom we will be ogling (for educational purposes) this fine day. Fun fact: Olivia has actually appeared in every "Hottie Report Card" yet, as the teacher in the header up above this paragraph. And since she's starring in the just-releaseed DELIVER US FROM EVIL, and it was her 34th birthday yesterday, I'd say it's about dang time she got a card of her own to put on her refrigerator.

Munn is of German, Irish and Chinese descent, which proves that when the world comes together, we can make really hot babies (that was cool to say, right?). From the beginning, I've always had a thing for Munn, though that was probably thanks more to the skimpy costumes she used to wear on "Attack of the Show" than anything above the shoulders. Of course, any guy would lucky to land a lady with features even remotely similar to Olivia's, but I suppose when put up against other hotties, she only leaves a 1st degree burn.

One of the reasons I've always found it hard not to be a fan of Olivia's is her strive to make use of  all of her qualities while facing a camera; or in this case, facing away from one. In other words, Munn gets some major presentation points here, and that's an important factor, considering the hours and hours of research I have to do as a professor, searching for celebrity butt images for reference. Life's a real drag, man.

This is basically the same deal: excellent presentational skills. She's not as endowed as some exaggerated nympho chick in a weird Anime, but she knows how to draw our attention in (or mine, anyway). Munn's guns are actually near perfect, but I refrain from pushing her grade higher only because she didn't give us the full show when she posed for Playboy way back when. Instead she let them lose in MAGIC MIKE. You mean I have to watch two hours of male stripping mayhem just to see Olivia's tats in the shadows for a few seconds? What a cruel joke.

Now, some may define what makes a person "fit" differently than others (I'm in shape... round is a shape). When it comes to Munn, I just think her "body type" in general is outstanding. It's almost no wonder she wound up making it as a model-turned-actress, even if she started her tracks over in Tokyo, Japan. It would almost be a devestation to hottie-lovers everywhere if she hadn't gave up, and became a doctor instead... On second thought, I would never miss a physical ever again.

I feel a congratulations is in order for Munn, now that she's actually has more on her filmography than some straight-to-dvd Broken Lizard movies. Most notably, her role on HBO's "The Newsroom" has been a pretty strong push for Olivia, and she seems to have handled it well. Of course, DELIVER US FROM EVIL may have not recieved the best reviews, but it still serves as proof that her career is moving forward. Until then, here's what she might've looked like in some other movies...

While she has plenty of fans, Munn has been known to have almost as many haters, which I've never quite understood. There are plenty of other celebrities who are much more worthy of such annoyance. Did she run over all of your dogs or something? The only reason I can think of is the presentation of Munn's persona being a geeky, hot chick right up until she dared to take her career further than "Attack of the Show", a program that doesn't even exist anymore. She may not have piles of Dragonball Z memorabilia lying around, but at least she speaks fluent Japanese and knows more about sports and advancements in electronics than I do. So does she get some points for that, or is my life just really sad? (Don't answer that).


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