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Hottie Report Card: Nina Agdal

03.13.2015by: Salacious Crumb

This week's hottie student is not an actress per se, but she was a requested by Movie Fan Central schmoe Gradz, so how could I say no? (Especially when I'm behind on time and scrapped for ideas?) While career bikini models are always welcome around these parts, they often come and go within weeks, but the Danish and delicious Nina Agdal has managed to hang in there quite some time. The question is: how does she rank alongside other hotties of her kin? Well, the answer is obvious, Nina's a complete knockout. She's a Victoria's Secret model, for crying out loud. Still, let's just pretend the stance of her beauty is some sort of complete mystery, thus giving us the excuse to observe pictures. Glorious, glorious pictures!

I'm a fan. Typically, when it comes to these mind-numbingly gorgeous supermodels, picking a favorite can be like choosing a favorite Smurf. When spotted in flocks, they all seem to blend in with each other, but I think most would agree that Agdal particularly stands out as a gorgeous woman, and in her own unique way. 

If you know diddly squat about Agdal's photographic history, this outcome should be of no surprise to you. When it comes to grading this subject, one of the biggest deciding factors is presentational skills. I've made this very clear in the past, and Nina must have listened. Despite its somewhat average size, Nina's derriere has gotten nearly as much attention as the gal herself. She parters up with it for regular photoshoots, and of course, it took up one third of the 2014 Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition cover. this may be due to some bold artistic choices made by the pervy minds of people like Terry Richardson. Hope you enjoy your new wallpaper, kids...

I actually very much admire Nina in this department, and if there's any hesitation to grade her higher, it's only because she's in the "tough cookies" world of modeling, where generally the more well-endowed women reign (for 6 months or so at a time). That said, Nina has more than enough to offer on the dark side of her bra, and although she's never gone officially topless in a spread, she's done more than enough "show and tell" to satisfy this professor. (Exhibit A here, and Exhibit B here).

When it's on your resume that you've been a Victoria's Secret angel, that makes you void of any declaration that you may be "out of shape". While some schmoes typically find these models to be a tad too skinny, I have yet to have heard that complaint with Agdal. Ironically, that famous footage of Nina eating fast food may serve as some of the greatest evidence of that. She probably wouldn't be the frontrunner for an iconic superheroine any time soon, but she's doing rather splendedly for a full-time beach mirage.

As mentioned towards the beginning of this column, Nina is not a professional actress, but she has portrayed one character briefly on the HBO series "Entourage". Her Carl's Jr./Hardees commercial also appeared (and nearly in its entirety) in DON JON. However, it is strange to see these models "blow up" year after year, just for eating a greasy burger in slow-motion. It's almost like those ads have become a right of passage for aspiring tier models. But isn't it strange how we so willingly let this become a trend? Better question: why not watch one of those commercials now?The little I've learned about Nina's personality comes primarily from her social media services. Whether you follow her on Twitter or Instagram, you're bound to appreciate Nina a bit more, but one thing will become abundantly clear: supermodels have way more awesome lives than the rest of us. That said, you'll also see that Nina has a beautiful soul which seems to infect the world around her. She actually enjoys greasy, disgustingly tastey burgers, so long as their followed by an evening at the gym. Who knows if she resembles more of a snooty diva behind closed doors? I won't hold it to the final grade, but Nina at least deserves a default "B+" here, don't ya' think?

Check out our previous Hottie Report Cards...

"A" Students: Salma Hayek, Jennifer Aniston, Paula Patton, Gemma Arterton, Amber Heard, Lacey Chabert, Jaimie Alexander, Gillian Jacobs, Natalie Dormer, Amy Adams, Alison Brie, Alexandra Daddario, Kelly Brook, Kate Mara, Eva Green, Carla Gugino, Scarlett Johansson, Kate Upton, Sofia Vergara, Jennifer Lawrence, Charlize Theron, Olivia MunnZoe Saldana, Rosario DawsonOlga Kurylenko, Olivia Wilde, Kaley Cuoco, Hayley Atwell, Lauren Cohan, Anne Hathaway, Jessica Chastain, Victoria Justice, Maria Menounos, Mila Kunis, Rosamund Pike, Margot Robbie.

"B" Students: Sandra Bullock, Alice Eve, Jenna Fischer, Lena Headey, Kristen Bell, Anna Kendrick, Cobie Smulders, Rashida Jones, Danielle Harris, Nicole Beharie, Ellie Kemper, Michelle Trachtenberg, Evangeline Lilly, Meagan Good, Gabrielle Union, Yvonne Strahovski, Sarah Hyland, Emily Browning, Imogen Poots, Tina Fey, Karen Gillan, Rebecca Hall, Elizabeth Banks, Annet Mahendru, Emily Blunt, Emilia Clarke, Moon Bloodgood, Danielle Fishel, Keri Russell, Cameron Diaz, Rachel McAdams, Megan Fox, Aubrey Plaza, Emily Ratajkowski, Michelle Monaghan, Adrianne Palicki, Nicole Kidman, Kat Dennings, Keira Knightley, Allison Williams, Jena Malone, Rose Byrne, Maggie Grace, Jennifer Lopez, Sienna Miller.

"C" Students: Kristen Wiig, Katherine Heigl, Dakota Johnson.

"D" Students: Khloe Kardashian.

Extra Tidbit: How would YOU grade this hottie, professor?


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