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Hottie Report Card: Miley Cyrus

05.05.2017by: Droz

One cast member of GUARDIANS OF THE GALAXY VOL. 2 you might not know about is Miley Cyrus, who voices the Mainframe in an uncredited role. Much has been said of Miley in recent years, some of it good, some not so good. Many weren't exactly thrilled with the way she chose to sow her wild child oats in the tabloid media, in the process transforming herself from Disney teen queen to pop star sex pot. It's not unheard of to see such lifestyles turn beloved celebrities into notorious names who quickly burnout and disappear from the scene. It remains to be seen what Miley's fate will be there. She's currently in the process of reinventing herself, supposedly leaving behind the drugs and the over the top displays for a return to her country roots. It's gonna be a tough job getting people to see her as anything other than the crazy hottie literally shoving her crotch in people's faces. What does all this mean for your estimation of Miley's hottie grade point average?

Miley's decent into the bizarre was most evident where it pertained to her looks. For a long time she was the gorgeous face of teen pop superstardom. Then her desire to completely shit all over that legacy lead to an increasingly absurd succession of looks, none of which was doing her a single favor in this news editor's opinion. Yet despite these extensive efforts at eschewing all conventional beauty, there was always the potential, difficult though it may have been to see sometimes, for a return to a more visually pleasing version of Miley. I don't know if it will last, but I for one am happy to see something of the old Miley return to prominence.

There never was a whole lot to Miley in this category. While obviously not completely flat, she does pale compared to others much more beloved for their buxom ways. One thing I will say in Miley's defense here is my respect for her decision not to go out and get herself enhanced, as many others in her cup size class tend to do. It's a little surprising she didn't do so, what with the various other liberal alterations she's done to her person.

I'm a bit more generous of opinion when it comes to Miley's ass, though not necessarily because it's her ass. I'm fond of asses in general. I wont lie and say I wasn't impressed with the way her butt looked in crazy outfits like the one below. Her antics and desperate grabs at attention may have strayed into annoyance far too often, but a fine ass has a way of shining through that kind of static. I'm just glad she stopped short of putting any dumb tattoos near her agreeable ass.

Say what you like about where Miley has gone in life, how liberally she imbibes elicit substances, or what she's chosen to do with her look. Girl does keep in shape regardless. Not once have we ever seen her engage in any excess gains or losses of weight. That's commendable, though it also makes suspect Miley's claims suggesting her recent craziness was due to the effects of drugs and alcohol. Normally those kinds of addictions come with an associated fluctuation in body condition. I don't recall Miley ever being anything but trim and fit. Could be that's a telling giveaway, or she could just be good at holding her liquor. Who knows.

This is an area where I'm in a kind of opinion limbo. I know people who absolutely love Miley's albums and I know some who despise them with a passion. I fall somewhere in the middle. While I don't care for much of her music, I do recognize her talent as a pop star and can understand why many enjoy her. I'm also aware of how much success she's had. I choose to look at her body of work with more indifference than anything else. I simply don't get involved.

According to Miley, she has left behind her tongue-wagging, crotch-rubbing ways - and maybe that's true. The implications there, as far as I can tell, is that her music is a reflection of her personality. This is the supposed reason why her blinged out, stoned, slut routine corresponded perfectly with the sound she had at the time. She would like us to believe that was where her head was at then and now her head is in a different place. Which is why she's ditching those slutty ways for a down home, country girl thing which itself corresponds to her new countrified album. I don't buy it. For me, it feels like whatever persona she adopts is determined by the theme of the album she has out, not the other way around. There's no telling who the real Miley is behind these concocted characters she invents. I'm not sure I want to know either.

Check out our previous Hottie Report Cards...

"A" Students: Salma Hayek, Jennifer Aniston, Paula Patton, Gemma Arterton, Amber Heard, Lacey Chabert, Jaimie Alexander, Gillian Jacobs, Natalie Dormer, Amy Adams, Alison Brie, Alexandra Daddario, Kelly Brook, Kate Mara, Eva Green, Carla Gugino, Scarlett Johansson, Kate Upton, Sofia Vergara, Jennifer Lawrence, Charlize Theron, Olivia Munn, Zoe Saldana, Rosario Dawson, Olga Kurylenko, Olivia Wilde, Kaley Cuoco, Hayley Atwell, Lauren Cohan, Anne Hathaway, Jessica Chastain, Victoria Justice, Maria Menounos, Mila Kunis, Rosamund Pike, Margot Robbie, Nina Agdal, Shailene Woodley, Amanda Seyfried, Christina Hendricks, Jessica Alba, Ashley Greene, Charlotte McKinney, Kate Beckinsale, Aly Michalka, Mary Elizabeth Winstead, Morena Baccarin, Katy Perry, Emmanuelle Chriqui, Hilary Duff, Sara Jean Underwood, Emmy Rossum, Minka Kelly, Emma Stone, Marion Cotillard, Melissa Benoist, Ali Larter, Demi Lovato, Elle Fanning, Brie Larson.

"B" Students: Sandra Bullock, Alice Eve, Jenna Fischer, Lena Headey, Kristen Bell, Anna Kendrick, Cobie Smulders, Rashida Jones, Danielle Harris, Nicole Beharie, Ellie Kemper, Michelle Trachtenberg, Evangeline Lilly, Meagan Good, Gabrielle Union, Yvonne Strahovski, Sarah Hyland, Emily Browning, Imogen Poots, Tina Fey, Karen Gillan, Rebecca Hall, Elizabeth Banks, Annet Mahendru, Emily Blunt, Emilia Clarke, Moon Bloodgood, Danielle Fishel, Keri Russell, Cameron Diaz, Rachel McAdams, Megan Fox, Aubrey Plaza, Emily Ratajkowski, Michelle Monaghan, Adrianne Palicki, Nicole Kidman, Kat Dennings, Keira Knightley, Allison Williams, Jena Malone, Rose Byrne, Maggie Grace, Jennifer Lopez, Sienna Miller, Jordana Brewster, Felicity Jones, Blake Liveley, Elizabeth Olsen, Reese Witherspoon, Brittany Snow, Jennette McCurdy, Ronda Rousey, Bryce Dallas Howard, Alyssa Milano, Rhona Mitra, Natalie Martinez, Ashley Benson, Elizabeth Gillies, Odette Yustman, Kristen Stewart, Alicia Vikander, Kate Bosworth, Juno Temple, Zooey Deschanel, Kirsten Dunst, Bella Thorne, Deborah Ann Woll, Daisy Ridley, Sophie Turner, Emily VanCamp, Selena Gomez, Sarah Silverman, Hailee Steinfeld, Katharine McPhee, Kate Hudson, Haley Bennett, Gal Gadot, Jessica Biel, Jamie Chung, Emma Roberts, Cara Delevingne, Emma Watson.

"C" Students: Kristen Wiig, Katherine Heigl, Dakota Johnson, Iggy Azalea.

"D" Students: Khloe Kardashian.

Source: Movie Hotties


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