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Hottie Report Card: Mary Elizabeth Winstead

01.29.2016by: Droz

Seeing so much of Mary Elizabeth Winstead at this year's Sundance Film Festival reminded us that we have yet to do a Report Card on this hottie of legend. Well that's not okay at all. Someone so beloved by so many clearly needs to be added to the growing ranks of hotties evaluated in our specially formulated examination scale. So let's get this ball rolling and see how MEW performs.

The eyes, the nose, the mouth, the skin, the hair, the eyes again. My god, Mary is beautiful. Actually, beautiful isn't a good enough word. You need something far more flowery to describe MEW. She's adorable, alluring, beckoning, bewitching, captivating, enchanting, enticing and fetching. Yes, thank you thesaurus. Mary is all of those things and a whole lot more.

Mary's aren't the most humongous boobs there ever were, nor does she show them off very often, if at all. But that's alright, because although big titties are usually all the rage around here, MEW gets an exception. If you perceive her as someone about whom you'd never change a thing, like we do, then you pretty much have to grant her that. Anyway, I can't imagine her with a humongous rack. I wouldn't complain about it, but she also wouldn't be our MEW that way. Mary doesn't need anything blatant like that to draw the eye.

I'm quite fond of Mary's ass - almost as much as her face. Like her boobs, it's not the largest or most bombastic ass out there. It's also not frequently on display. However, it does an excellent job of rounding out her frame, keeping her well away from coming off flat or featureless where it counts. And just like with everything else about Mary, her ass becomes all the better simply by belonging to her. It's a cushion with which we desperately want to engage in some pushin'.

As far back as we can remember, MEW has been in great shape. Never once has she had any dalliances with extreme weight gain, or just as bad, extreme weight loss. That's the better part of two decades with perfectly maintained, exquisitely toned bod coming at you in all kinds of movies, TV shows, magazine spreads and many other presentations. Such bods a rare thing nowadays, when laziness and/or weight obsessions conspire to ruin many once perfectly put together bods. Kudos to MEW for not letting those temptations literally get the best of her.

The overriding complement you can give anything MEW appears in is that even if it sucks, it still has Mary in it. And that makes pretty much anything she does watchable. She's kind of like pizza in that way. Even shitty pizza is still pizza. That said, Mary is actually a very good actress and has given excellent performances in a number of movies. She could totally hold her own in one of those Oscar bait movies, if only someone would cast her in one of them. So wake up all you Weinstein Bros. or David O. Russels out there. MEW is waiting for your call.

Mary comes across as a friendly, down to earth, approachable person. None of that superior Hollywood asshole bullshit with her. She's a real human being, who seems content to be real and respectful to others. Unfortunately, she hasn't always been answered with likewise treatment from certain folks on that level, but MEW doesn't let that make her jaded or bitter. When the time comes to meet her public, she still answers their need for a MEW fix with warmth and affection.

Check out our previous Hottie Report Cards...

"A" Students: Salma Hayek, Jennifer Aniston, Paula Patton, Gemma Arterton, Amber Heard, Lacey Chabert, Jaimie Alexander, Gillian Jacobs, Natalie Dormer, Amy Adams, Alison Brie, Alexandra Daddario, Kelly Brook, Kate Mara, Eva Green, Carla Gugino, Scarlett Johansson, Kate Upton, Sofia Vergara, Jennifer Lawrence, Charlize Theron, Olivia Munn, Zoe Saldana, Rosario Dawson, Olga Kurylenko, Olivia Wilde, Kaley Cuoco, Hayley Atwell, Lauren Cohan, Anne Hathaway, Jessica Chastain, Victoria Justice, Maria Menounos, Mila Kunis, Rosamund Pike, Margot Robbie, Nina Agdal, Shailene Woodley, Amanda Seyfried, Christina Hendricks, Jessica Alba, Ashley Greene, Charlotte McKinney, Kate Beckinsale, Aly Michalka.

"B" Students: Sandra Bullock, Alice Eve, Jenna Fischer, Lena Headey, Kristen Bell, Anna Kendrick, Cobie Smulders, Rashida Jones, Danielle Harris, Nicole Beharie, Ellie Kemper, Michelle Trachtenberg, Evangeline Lilly, Meagan Good, Gabrielle Union, Yvonne Strahovski, Sarah Hyland, Emily Browning, Imogen Poots, Tina Fey, Karen Gillan, Rebecca Hall, Elizabeth Banks, Annet Mahendru, Emily Blunt, Emilia Clarke, Moon Bloodgood, Danielle Fishel, Keri Russell, Cameron Diaz, Rachel McAdams, Megan Fox, Aubrey Plaza, Emily Ratajkowski, Michelle Monaghan, Adrianne Palicki, Nicole Kidman, Kat Dennings, Keira Knightley, Allison Williams, Jena Malone, Rose Byrne, Maggie Grace, Jennifer Lopez, Sienna Miller, Jordana Brewster, Felicity Jones, Blake Liveley, Elizabeth Olsen, Reese Witherspoon, Brittany Snow, Jennette McCurdy, Ronda Rousey, Bryce Dallas Howard, Alyssa Milano, Rhona Mitra, Natalie Martinez, Ashley Benson, Elizabeth Gillies, Odette Yustman, Kristen Stewart, Alicia Vikander, Kate Bosworth, Juno Temple, Zooey Deschanel, Kirsten Dunst.

"C" Students: Kristen Wiig, Katherine Heigl, Dakota Johnson.

"D" Students: Khloe Kardashian.

Source: Movie Hotties


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