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Hottie Report Card: Maggie Grace

01.09.2015by: Salacious Crumb

This weekend you can watch Liam Neeson beat the everliving shit out of even more of his daughter's offenders in TAKEN 3 (a.k.a. TAK3N if you seriously want to call it that, or have brain damage). The daughter is once again portrayed by cutie pie actress and middle finger giver Maggie Grace, who will be taking the stand in this week's Hottie Report Card. As usual, regardless of the context and the frat boy-like manner in which this column is written, please take note that I do not wish to offend anyone here, and have a great amount of respect for all the hotties I put to the test. In other words, please don't hunt me down and kill me, Liam Neeson.

Despite Maggie having been around for well over a decade now, she still seems like a fresh face to me, although you could probably chalk that up to her carreer more than anything. However, this is also a compliment since it means she has an incredibley youthful look. She doesn't necessarily stick out above the rest in this category, but in a sea of hotties, who does? Plus by some form of black magic, the more I stare at her mug, the more hot she becomes, which is absolutely not a bad thing.

My hands always get a little bit shakey when it comes to grading this topic, as I fear the impending wrath of those who have extremely specific taste in various kinds of butts. That said, if you've been paying enough attention, you shouldn't have any issues with this grade. While the sight of it doesn't suck me in like a tractor beam against my will, there's plenty to be admired here, especially considering her comfort with showing it on film. First she provided us with her bikini-clad heiny in LOST, then there was this shot from THE FOG, and finally, she revealed her naked behind in CALIFORNICATION, for which we're eternally grateful.

I'll admit that I may have been a little "off" when it came to grading Jessica Chastain's bosoms last week, but if you read my comments, you know it wasn't out of cruelty, but rather naivity (with perhaps a little helping hand from Jack Daniels). Anyway, she still got an overall "A", if that counts for anything. It's very difficult to defend my stance on boobs, as I love boobs of all shapes and sizes. In fact, I've never rated a pair anything less than a "C" unless they were virtually nonexistent (Keira Knightly) or I presumed them to be covered in hair (Kloe Kardashian). All this said, I'm a fan of Maggie's graceful set. Despite them not being the biggest, they've certainly had their moments and she knows how to present them at red carpet events when she feels like it. That's all I'm going to say before Liam snipes me.

Explaining this grade almost seems a bit pointless, as Maggie is yet another hottie who blends in with the many bodies in Hollywood that are practically perfect in every way. If I had to pick out a single feature that makes my bowtie spin like a propeller it would be her lovely stems. With those long legs, it's a wonder that she can't seem to outrun all those thugs and kidnappers. There's no wonder why she keeps getting kidnapped in the first place, though.

The only thing Maggie has working against her, and hardly so, is the subject of her career. On the one hand, her career took off with a role on the epic series LOST, and she seems to be one of the show's only cast members who was ever found again. On the other hand, while she's gotten consistent work in many high-profile projects, many of them have been either forgettable (FASTER, LOCKOUT) or unbearable (THE TWILIGHT SAGA: BREAKING DAWN PARTS 1&2). That said, I'd still happily move into her place and own half of her stuff, and she's doing a whole lot better than most people, so please stop leaving me creepy voicemails, Liam Neeson.

After checking out various interviews with the lady, I'm happy to report that Maggie's got me hooked in this department. Aside from a somewhat rebellious yet still sweet attitude, she seems like the type of hottie who would make you feel completely at ease on your first date (before she leaves to "go to the bathroom" and never returns). This could just be personal taste, but I doubt you'd feel much different if you heard her talk for a while. This gives me the hope that her popularity is just on the verge of breaking out.

Check out our previous Hottie Report Cards...

"A" Students: Salma Hayek, Jennifer Aniston, Paula Patton, Gemma Arterton, Amber Heard, Lacey Chabert, Jaimie Alexander, Gillian Jacobs, Natalie Dormer, Amy Adams, Alison Brie, Alexandra Daddario, Kelly Brook, Kate Mara, Eva Green, Carla Gugino, Scarlett Johansson, Kate Upton, Sofia Vergara, Jennifer Lawrence, Charlize Theron, Olivia MunnZoe Saldana, Rosario DawsonOlga Kurylenko, Olivia Wilde, Kaley Cuoco, Hayley Atwell, Lauren Cohan, Anne Hathaway, Jessica Chastain.

"B" Students: Sandra Bullock, Alice Eve, Jenna Fischer, Lena Headey, Kristen Bell, Anna Kendrick, Cobie Smulders, Rashida Jones, Danielle Harris, Nicole Beharie, Ellie Kemper, Michelle Trachtenberg, Evangeline Lilly, Meagan Good, Gabrielle Union, Yvonne Strahovski, Sarah Hyland, Emily Browning, Imogen Poots, Tina Fey, Karen Gillan, Rebecca Hall, Elizabeth Banks, Annet Mahendru, Emily Blunt, Emilia Clarke, Moon Bloodgood, Danielle Fishel, Keri Russell, Cameron Diaz, Rachel McAdams, Megan Fox, Aubrey Plaza, Emily Ratajkowski, Michelle Monaghan, Adrianne Palicki, Nicole Kidman, Kat Dennings, Keira Knightley, Allison Williams, Jena Malone, Rose Byrne.

"C" Students: Kristen Wiig, Katherine Heigl.

"D" Students: Khloe Kardashian.

Extra Tidbit: What do YOU make of Maggie Grace's hottie chops, professor?


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