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Hottie Report Card: Kate Mara

02.28.2014by: Salacious Crumb

Man, television's really been kicking film's ass lately, has it not? Or perhaps we should call it "home entertainment", as many of the programs people won't shut up about lately stem from Netflix. One of the most obvious examples that comes to mind is HOUSE OF CARDS, which features Kevin Spacey, Robin "Buttercup" Wright and the very lovely Kate Mara, who was recently cast as our new Sue Storm. If that weren't enough, she's due to appear in TRANSCENDENCE in April. We're featuring Mara this week not just because of all the news, but also because it was her birthday yesterday, and we forgot. So let's make it up to her and you today by looking at some pictures, shall we?

If you ask me, Kate's head and shoulders are head-and-shoulders above her sister's. Mara most definitely lights up whatever room she walks into, directing all eyes toward her, even on the set of HOUSE OF CARDS (no offense, Mr. Spacey). Kate's noggin just hasn't circulated on enough magazine covers to become known to the unthinking majority, but she'll get there. There's definitely a redheaded Hayley Atwell thing goin' on. Plus, you've gotta love the sprinkled-on freckles.

First and foremost, I'd like to congratulate Kate on a dense collection of splendid butt-shots, an art form which finally seems to be coming back lately (I'm crying tears of joy along with you). Well done, Kate. While I've probably given similar grades to girls who are lugging around heftier derrieres, I'm just all around impressed with Mara's overall presentation and form. It's an ace of spades.

While Mara has all the booty a pirate could want, she's also proven to have some treasures stored in her chest. Last week, I received several schoolyard threats and death wishes for giving Emily Browning a C+ in this subject. I can take the heat, but I promise that decision wasn't made on size alone. It seems impossible to prove it, and it's a ridiculous thing to defend, so I'll just hope you don't take my judgement so seriously this time around.

I certainly can't complain here. Kate has been open about mental obsession with working out in the past. It shows, and she's not afraid to show it. Kate will have the occasional glass of wine with french fries, but she'll usually stick to diet of smoothies and veggie burgers. Hopefully my diet Donettes and Cheetos wouldn't throw a monkey wrench in the relationship.

Mara has been involved with acting since the mid-'90's, but started gaining recognition after SHOOTER, ZOOM and the series "24" rolled around. If that doesn't sound impressive, in the last five years, Kate's been credited in 127 HOURS, IRON MAN 2, AMERICAN HORROR STORY, DEADFALL and lest we forget she is now set to star as Sue Storm in the FANTASTIC FOUR re-shit, whether you like it or not. Take all of that out and you still have the highly successfull HOUSE OF LIES CARDS, a political rollercoaster of suspense, or so I'm told. Not bad, Kate. You keep climbing up that ladder; we'll watch from down here.

While Kate now stars on a program with an excessive amount of political chatter, she also knows a whole hell of a lot about politics herself, and sees it as an entertaining topic of conversation. She's also stated she would never date a professional football player, which automatically makes her smarter than 85% of people I know (men included). Overall, she seems to be very down to earth and easy to spark up a conversation with so long as you've got some brains left in you after all the pot brownies and video-games. Now, please enjoy this beautiful, vertical picture of Kate.

Extra Tidbit: In preparation for her role as The Invisible Woman, Kate will now only be wearing an invisible jumpsuit. Breaking news, brought to you by: my dreams.


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