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Hottie Report Card: Juno Temple

09.25.2015by: Salacious Crumb

We're in our last week of September, and I'll be damned if there aren't actually some fairly decent movies rounding out the month. Seems unlikely, as this time of year would typically be considered the "elephant graveyard" of cinema, where high-profile projects should never, ever dare to go. Thankfully, that's not the case this time around, even if we can simply say Oscar bait season has started a little early. The gangster drama BLACK MASS is a prime example, as it features Johnny Depp in a role not exactly made for him, yet it's no surprise that he kills (in more ways than one, of course). In fact, just about the whole cast has received some form of high praise, and while she isn't a huge part of it, I'm using this as an excuse to make Juno Temple our hottie student of the week! Let's put her to the test, shall we?

I do love a redhead, even if they do go strawberry blonde on occasion. Schmoes who aren't too familiar with Juno or her work might not understand what all the fuss is aboot (not a typo), so I should probably forwarn you with the fact that I personally adore this hottie. And as much as I'd love to give her a high five in all categories, I also don't want to be overly biased, however impossible that may be. Simply put, my students are graded on a grand scale of the most lusted after, drool-inducing hotties, some of whom possess unconventionally sexy faces. That said, while I do find Juno to be breathtaking, this may not be the feature that grabs most dudes' attention. 

Is it just me, or are shorter girls often blessed with a literally outstanding backside? At 5' 2", Juno's no Verne Troyer, but I can't help but think some of the DNA from her legs migrated directly to her rump. But, hell, I'm no doctor (just a professor of hottie studies). While I have nothing but the highest regards for Juno's lower half, legs, thighs, hips and all, there is a seriously lacking number of photographic evidence to support them. I had to make up this photoshopped image from her film AFTERNOON DELIGHT, which took an entire 6 1/2 minutes. You're welcome.

Getting to the subject everyone loves, at least Juno is a little more self-aware when it comes to putting this subject on display. The 26-year-old has already figured out all the crooks and nannies of making an impression with her ginger jubblies, from skin-tight leather to see-through dresses and so forth. She's also appeared sans clothing in a handful of motion pictures (I'll let you figure out which ones), so no one can say they're just part of some David Copperfield trick. 

We've gone over her height, but honestly, that doesn't put any ding in Juno's grade whatsoever. I very much dig her petite build, especially since it only commends her previous features. If anything is slightly bothersome, it's that Temple appears to have gotten thinner over this last year, when she was already tight to begin with. Again, this is the opinion of a longtime fan, so those who stumble upon newer photos of her may disagree completely. In any case, she's still far from being mediocre in this department.

Even the most stingy of moviegoers would have to admit to recognizing Temple from something, whether it be THE DARK KNIGHT RISES, MALEFICENT, THE THREE MUSKETEERS or SIN CITY: A DAME TO KILL FOR. However, if you really want to see her hottie powers at work, you should check out the less commercial releases like DIRTY GIRL, KILLER JOE, AFTERNOON DELIGHT, KABOOM, THE BRASS TEAPOT, SMALL APARTMENTS and HORNS. It's a shame that some of Juno's most outstanding performances haven't even been seen by most movie buffs. Hopefully her itsy bitsy (but well done) part in BLACK MASS will help to shine a brighter light on her.

I suppose when you're the daughter of filmmaker Julien Temple, who made numerous "rock docs" about everything from David Bowie to The Sex Pistols, it's unlikely not to carry over some of those badass genes yourself. Aside from that, Juno's a humble interviewee, a fun red carpet presence and English (an instant plus in my book). My biased infatuation with Juno doesn't just come from her oddly cool career choices, but also the fact that she's cited TRUE ROMANCE and HEATHERS as two of her top five favorite films. Did I mention she's English? 'Nuff said. 

Check out our previous Hottie Report Cards...

"A" Students: Salma Hayek, Jennifer Aniston, Paula Patton, Gemma Arterton, Amber Heard, Lacey Chabert, Jaimie Alexander, Gillian Jacobs, Natalie Dormer, Amy Adams, Alison Brie, Alexandra Daddario, Kelly Brook, Kate Mara, Eva Green, Carla Gugino, Scarlett Johansson, Kate Upton, Sofia Vergara, Jennifer Lawrence, Charlize Theron, Olivia Munn, Zoe Saldana, Rosario Dawson, Olga Kurylenko, Olivia Wilde, Kaley Cuoco, Hayley Atwell, Lauren Cohan, Anne Hathaway, Jessica Chastain, Victoria Justice, Maria Menounos, Mila Kunis, Rosamund Pike, Margot Robbie, Nina Agdal, Shailene Woodley, Amanda Seyfried, Christina Hendricks, Jessica Alba, Ashley Greene, Charlotte McKinney, Kate Beckinsale.

"B" Students: Sandra Bullock, Alice Eve, Jenna Fischer, Lena Headey, Kristen Bell, Anna Kendrick, Cobie Smulders, Rashida Jones, Danielle Harris, Nicole Beharie, Ellie Kemper, Michelle Trachtenberg, Evangeline Lilly, Meagan Good, Gabrielle Union, Yvonne Strahovski, Sarah Hyland, Emily Browning, Imogen Poots, Tina Fey, Karen Gillan, Rebecca Hall, Elizabeth Banks, Annet Mahendru, Emily Blunt, Emilia Clarke, Moon Bloodgood, Danielle Fishel, Keri Russell, Cameron Diaz, Rachel McAdams, Megan Fox, Aubrey Plaza, Emily Ratajkowski, Michelle Monaghan, Adrianne Palicki, Nicole Kidman, Kat Dennings, Keira Knightley, Allison Williams, Jena Malone, Rose Byrne, Maggie Grace, Jennifer Lopez, Sienna Miller, Jordana Brewster, Felicity Jones, Blake Liveley, Elizabeth Olsen, Reese Witherspoon, Brittany Snow, Jennette McCurdy, Ronda Rousey, Bryce Dallas Howard, Alyssa Milano, Rhona Mitra, Natalie Martinez, Ashley Benson, Elizabeth Gillies, Odette Yustman, Kristen Stewart, Alicia Vikander, Kate Bosworth.

"C" Students: Kristen Wiig, Katherine Heigl, Dakota Johnson.

"D" Students: Khloe Kardashian.

Source: MovieHotties


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